Those beautiful words ‘I Love You’ make her heart flood open, penetrating through layers of feminine ‘weather’ and leaving trails of happiness. She feels like a goddess. ‘I trust you’ are the more powerful words for the masculine essence to hear and feel. He straightens his spine and relaxes his belly, feeling like a hero with trustable direction and purpose.
These cannot be empty phrases. Given sincerely and acted on they are extremely potent at ending disagreements and closures and evoking sexy polarity between a couple.
THE FEMININE ESSENCE longs to be completely seen and deeply loved. In intimacy that is by a masculine essence who really sees her, meets her, and isn’t afraid of her. This is the core need at the heart of the feminine discontent. To be guided out of her moods and disaffection by a trustable loving force. Behind the arguments and the criticisms we find a woman longing to be penetrated by love. A funny way to go about it, it seems counter intuitive, but it’s what happens when the feminine primary longing becomes distorted. It is her protection and it may even make sense, but it causes a lot of confusion and heartache.
For the masculine on the receiving end its to easy to react to her surface moods and emotions, which are often swirling and even attacking. He wants to withdraw until she has calmed down. Or to fight her and convince her to be reasonable, and that he is right. She may be temporarily subdued or repressed, but none of that works for love. When she feels fully known and seen as the flow of love energy that is her nature, especially when its hidden, she will open totally. Open as the most precious devotion, loyalty and shining beauty that will awe her masculine partner.
A Practice for men: Feel her like the weather, ever changing, ever flowing. Look beyond her harsh tone and criticism and feel her vulnerable heart. Why is she here with you spending her amazing energy on you? She wants and needs your masculine love and presence. She longs to unburden herself with you and be real, raw and tender. She needs to know she is loved, by you, here and now. Notice your desire to get away to peacefulness or to repress her, and instead of acting on that, breathe to relax your belly and your chest. Expand your energy to encompass hers. Imagine she is inside your heart and body and that you are filling her with love. Look into her eyes and say ‘I love you’. Full of life, full of love, unafraid. Be willing to persist skillfully until she fully receives your love.
If you are single this practice can be done in a more impersonal way, where you offer the women you meet this trustable attitude of open hearted presence in the face of feminine feelings and moods. Even when you don’t enjoy it, look for the big picture of the flow of life dancing before you. If you are dating you will be in demand as many men withdraw from really loving the feminine.
THE MASCULINE ESSENCE also wants to be deeply loved, but more importantly he wants to be trusted. This increases his masculine essence, his sense of direction and purpose, his awareness. He desires a loving woman who ultimately trusts his direction and integrity and is not afraid to be direct when he is behaving otherwise. Who will trust him to resolve his own dilemmas and problems. Who will honour his masculine ability to find the compass of his life and stay the path. And when he is struggling in his life it is his deepest need to be trustable to himself and others. If he feels her losing trust in him it weakens him and makes it harder for him to succeed in his purpose and mission. Her trust can be like a flicker of hope in the midst of dark despair. When he is fully trusted as the force of clarity that is his nature, even when he is confused or in doubt, he will respond with a depth of integrity and love that brings his partner to tears.
A Practice for women:
If he is your partner you have chosen him for his masculine essence. That’s feel great when he is trustable, aware, present, loving, clear. And letting him know often that you love these qualities in him, that he is your hero, will increase those qualities. But when you see him being confused, lacking direction, withdrawing and not meeting you with love it can be hard to trust him. Look for what is trustable in that moment. Perhaps he isn’t listening to you, he’s pushing a solution on you. But what is his intention – is he trying to help you and he’s clumsy at how to do that? Or he may have had a big loss at work, but he is out there risking failure. Find what is trustable. Offer him your true response but equally say what you trust in him.
Sometimes you may tell him that you trust him to resolve a problem, instead of trying to work it out for him – that makes him feel capable and encourage action on his part. If you offer him this trust then you need to step back and give him the space to solve it his way, in his time. Not always easy but it works. This only works though if you have given your primary response to him, with your trust and spaciousness. Often the masculine takes more time than the feminine to act, he waits until he is certain of success.
Practice this for a week with your partner and see what happens.
If you are single you can practice offering the men in your life your trust. Not with men you don’t trust of course, but where can you extend your trust and openly acknowledge a job well done? Or when a man has helped you and been there for you, let him know how trustable that is. This will attract men into your life who are highly trustable.
I Love You: I Trust You
Many couples spend years feeling disconnected or fighting, not really happy or fulfilled. Wondering if they chose the wrong partner or are themselves unlovable. Or a couple may be constantly working on the issues and the triggers in their relationship, digging deeper. Digging a big hole that erodes the foundations of their relationship. We are not in relationship to be each other’s therapists, or to work out our ‘stuff’. Some of that inevitably happens and is a great thing, but the focus should be on finding love and trust in the moment, and then the next moment. Getting stronger at doing it when it matters most. Sexually and in the ordinary doings of life, in the difficult times especially.
If you are single its sexy and attractive to know what’s deeply opening to you and a potential partner. It starts from the first date, the offering of love and trust, in small steps that grow over time if the connection continues.
Three magic words – yet they would not mean much if there were secrets between a couple, manipulations, or bad intentions. But when they are heartfelt offerings they increase polarity and magnify the love and trust that lives at the heart of the universe and in all of us.
In the Living Love workshops there are practices to reclaim and enhance the exciting polarity of love and trust. Clear boundaries and guidelines create a safe and honouring space for opening and deepening.