Once you understand the basic nature of masculine and feminine essences and polarity, it is much easier to activate sexual passion and sexual polarity now.  In 30 seconds, or a little longer, you can activate your own sexual essence, alone or with a partner. This is how to amplify your essence when you only have a few minutes to do so.

Solo – for Him – sexual polarity now

* set a courageous intention for your day and take one action towards it.
* breathe down into your lower body, full and deep. Front and back.
* connect to the earth through your feet and root yourself into the ground.
* eye gaze at yourself in the mirror, without moving.
* take a warrior stance that is powerful for you, and hold it while breathing deeply.

Solo – for Her – sexual polarity now

* lift your arms and make a sphere around your body with your hands in a light, flowing way.
* place your hands on your womb and sink down into it, eyes closed.
* move your body wildly, prow and growl.
* do something you have never done before.
* in a private space stroke your own body as a lover would, feeling it.                                                                                     *touch the fabrics in your clothing, your wardrobe or in a shop. Enjoy the feel.

Couples – for couples who trust each other – sexual polarity now

Fundamentally sexual polarity is about one person occupying a masculine directional energy and the other person a surrendered feminine energy. These practices are for couples who have agreement about exploring masculine and feminine essence in a loving way.

For Him
* give her your undivided attention with full presence, with the attitude of worshipping her.  *direct her with your loving guidance to do something that benefits her.
* admire and verbally appreciate her body, her shape, her look, her sexiness.
* have a hot, fragrant bath ready for her when she gets home. Then leave her alone, wait.
* press her against the wall, lovingly, gently but firmly, so she has no choice but surrender.

For Her
* acknowledge him as your handsome hero, naming how he supports you.
* flirt with him, make no sense, be illogical, mysterious.
* show him your naked body when he doesn’t expect it, and then drift away….
* offer your feminine flow and bodily movement to evoke his presence.
* give him pleasure in the way that he likes.

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

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These online dating tips for men will help you to express your confidence, and attract a great partner who is right for you.*

Many of my single male clients are initially reluctant to try online dating. Either they have a preference for meeting women in daily life, or they have tried it in the past and given up. However, in Australia half of all relationships start online, both through dating sites or social media. It is no longer a stigma to say you met online, as its now normal. And it is a good place to meet singles.

It’s also a good place to get scammed as 30% of scams are romantic and online. So please be aware – if they seem unreal or too good to be true then they probably are! And some people can play on your ‘knight in shining armour’ tendencies so please don’t rescue anyone.

So, have you decided to jump in and start dating online, or ready to start again for a fresh experience?

Be aware that meeting a great partner isn’t likely to happen in a week on Tinder or Bumble or RSVP. You must not give up after a few mediocre dates or even a bad experience. Thats life, and the following online dating tips for men can make your experiences much easier, more fun and successful.

Online dating tips for men

1. Profile

Magnetic attraction between the masculine and feminine essence works the same online as in face to face. So, if you want to attract your desirable feminine the first step is for your ‘profile’ to project your masculine essence.

Calling yourself a ‘boy’ or ‘lonely’ in your profile name is generally a turn–off to those who want to partner a confident man. You may truly be lonely or lost, but it’s not attractive at first look.

Women reading your profile will be drawn to your presence, authenticity, values and a mix of security and adventure. A man who loves and honors women is very attractive. As is a man with a sense of mission, especially one in service to others.

Women are bored by the ‘I love beach walks, sports, surfing, red wine etc.’ It’s what every other guy is writing and it won’t get you dates. Write a profile that tells who you are through real–life examples, rather than long lists of your successes, qualities or activities. Don’t be afraid to be quirky, heartfelt and in the moment.  Humour works too.

Less is more. Using too many words in your profile will make women feel like they are chatting to a girlfriend rather than being drawn to a man. On the other hand, sparse information, or an incomplete profile and you will look careless or lazy.

Don’t use any negative comments about women in your profile. Even if you have been scammed, hurt, or disappointed, don’t write or talk about it. And saying you want a woman with ‘no baggage’ decodes to ‘he can’t handle me being emotional.’ Swipe.

Be adventurous, be a warrior for love.

2. Photos

A primary photo about chest height, where you look directly into the camera or slightly to one side will be a major draw card. Wearing sunglasses looks untrustable, and women want more than anything to feel you are a trustable man. It’s a fact that many men put up fuzzy photos of themselves, with a grim expressions as they take a selfie looking into the bedroom mirror, with poor lighting and a lot of mess in the background. A naked torso says you are either showing off your bod or you want sex – not going to attract the sort of woman you want for a relationship.

Photos that are of you with your plane, and bike, and motorbike, and boat, that you probably think will impress her, can look like you are obsessed with your toys. One is ok to show you are a man of action. No alcohol in the photos, or you look like you a boozer, even if it was just at Christmas.

She doesn’t want date your dog(s) or your children or grandchildren so keep them out of your pics.

Have a close friend or two look at your profile photos and give feedback.

2. Criteria

Online dating and flicking through profile after profile can lead to the mind being too judgmental, or mentally sitting back with a list that no-one can live up to. Having a rigid set of criteria for a partner is a barrier. In person, when we meet someone at work or socially, we feel their whole being and how our heart resonates with theirs, as well as alignment and chemistry. Do the same online – be open to the connection, the attraction, the shared values and vision.

A general mistake men can make is looking for a woman the same as them, who loves the sports they love, likes the same music etc. You can do these things with your mates. It’s more important to have a loving, full woman who will enrich your life in surprising ways. And if she wants to climb Everest with you that’s a bonus!

If you say you are only looking for a woman ten years younger than you it looks like you are either a jerk or can’t handle a woman your own age. Likewise, dictating too many things you want is a turn-off. Online dating is not dial-up a pizza where you order the base and the toppings, it’s merely a place to have an introduction to many women, so you can find one you are attracted to, in body, heart and soul.

3. Progress it

Don’t spend too much time on emails or texts, progress quickly to a phone call or a coffee date. Giving her your number first is a good idea as this creates safety for her. Ask her to call or text you if she would like to.

The woman will be happy for you to move it forward. Sensitively. Many emails back and forth without you proposing a next step, will start to bore her. Expecting her to contact you when she is free is too vague and lacking in masculine initiative. She won’t be attracted by this and will rarely contact you to make a date. Better if you ask her for some available times, pick one and go for it.

If they are long distance contacts be wary of investing months of connecting (aka projecting) before you meet up in person.

4. Dating

Start with a coffee date rather than at a bar, and if you like each other it can progress. If the attraction is not there then you have invested only thirty minutes of your time, and it doesn’t drag you down. Use any date fruitfully as you can be kind, learn about others and gain more clarity about who is right for you.

For the first few dates it’s best if you can plan the outings, being sensitive to her wishes and needs. Be clear and simple about the time, place etc. and exchanging contact numbers. Arrive early so you can check out the scene, relax and be ready to meet her.

She will feel your masculine direction and ability to create a safe ‘container’ in which she can relax and enjoy her feminine essence. She will feel you have gone to an effort and that you are interested in her. Also, it is best if you pay initially, as friends split the bill. If she refuses to let you do this then don’t push it. It may mean she isn’t attracted to you, or it might just be her style.

And listen, and listen some more! The ‘peacock syndrome’ where you want to show off to her, is a turn off to most women. It’s instinctual for a man but women don’t want to spend an hour listening to a stranger talking about themselves, and this is very common in online dating. Yes, really! It’s great to tell her things about yourself, but being more interested in her will be so much better. If you are lacking an audience, chat to a friend before your date, so your need is met, and you can have a back and forth lively, flirty chat with your date.

And once you start dating the fun begins! And even when you think you have found your ‘soulmate’, it’s a good idea to keep dating other women until the one you want says yes to you.

I hope these online dating tips for men will smooth your path to success.

With love

Cynthia

*This article was originally a guest blog for The Confident Man website.

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Worship – “the act of giving worth to something”.  How do we integrate worship and sexual essence – masculine, combining the sacred and the ordinary?

Recently I saw a ‘shiva lingam’* in nature. On a wild beach a branch was set upright into a tree trunk base. It was a powerful symbol and I felt spontaneously moved to adorn it. I arranged a swirl of dried grasses around the base, and then threaded together beautiful seaweed branches, dry and pliable, into a small sculptural offering. A fragile, luminescent shell in a tray of bark completed my ‘altar’.

Then came a deep bow of gratitude to all the wonderful masculine energy that contributes to my, and all our lives. The action heroes, the wise warriors, the protective spirit, the Shiva qualities of calmness, compassion, mastery of ego. It was a sacred moment of worship of the divine masculine consciousness.

What is the role of worship in sexual essence?

When we hear the term ‘worship the divine masculine or feminine in your partner’ it may sound attractive, corny or even weird. How can we worship another human being? A human being who may seem actually very ordinary as we go through our busy lives. And could it even be dangerous, unreal and give a sense of inflation? If it is done with a projection of perfection onto someone it could be problematic. But when done with full recognition of the flaws and foibles of a person, worship in our relationships is uplifting and takes us into the luminosity of the sacred.

“worshipping the masculine”

The evolving masculine is usually not looking for compliments or rewards for his good deeds. He flies under the radar and aims for deeper integrity every day of his life. He attempts to live his purpose, to awaken himself and support others, to be someone who makes a positive difference. In his own way, in his own sphere of influence.

Appreciation is the first step to worship.  Look for what he is doing right, his awareness, presence, what he is contributing and what you trust in him. When you appreciate him and actually tell him, then he becomes more trustable, and he is inspired to be deeper.

This doesn’t mean you can’t be real with him about things that concern you. In fact, you can do that more when you also offer worship.

Artwork by Ines Honfi http://www.ineshonfi.com

Worship in sexual essence is the next step, and a little riskier, more deeply loving. It is given to those who you trust. It means going beyond all the external stuff and worshiping his core masculine essence. The aspect in him that reflects the divine, that is the divine showing up in human form.

It is not about worshipping his ego or making him feel better. Rather it’s a deep recognition of the strength, power, compassion and integrity at his core.

Recently a man said to me about his devoted partner ‘I think she sees me as a better man than I actually am’. He was a little sheepish and a little proud,  called forward to be that man she sees him as.

Seeing beyond what he has, to what he does, and who he is. Being in devotion to his consciousness that reflects the divine consciousness of the whole universe.

“creating special private moments of recognition”

How to worship him?  With your words is a good start, appreciating him directly and even saying things in front of others. Being obviously proud of him. Creating special private moments of recognition, or even dancing for him as a devotional offering. This can be simple and beautiful. You don’t have to be a dancer or look perfect!

More intimately you can worship his penis, touching him with reverence and devotion. This will be amazing for him to experience, way beyond sexual pleasure and gratification.

If you currently don’t have a partner, worship of the divine masculine can be offered to the men in your life, in appropriate ways. It can also be done as a more general practice and attitude towards the masculine.  Go back over your past relationships and worship what you were given. Even if there are other hurts, focus on the gifts for a time. It is powerful medicine. What you look for is what you see.

…………….

“not degrading yourself with negative self-talk”

If you would like to be worshipped for your masculine essence in relationship, how do you attract a partner who wants to do that?

First step is honouring your own masculine essence. Not degrading yourself with negative self-talk or giving up on your own development. Doing things that enhance consciousness and truth. Honouring other men’s efforts to be aware, present and awake.

The second step is worshipping the feminine essence. Seeing the divine in your partner, and in all women.

I’ll explore that further in the next blog ‘Worship and Sexual Essence – Feminine’.

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

*Shiva lingam – A Hindu symbol of cosmic mysteries, often shaped as a phallus or an elongated egg. Linked to a time where people worshiped the Lingam and Yoni as the point of creation, energy, and enlightenment.

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Reverse polarity can wreck your love life.

It is often hard to recognise as a cause of relational stress. This is because it can look like the usual conflicts and problems caused by different personality or attachment styles. However, once you recognise it, then you can do something about it.

 5 signs of reverse polarity in a relationship or dating are:

1.     Constantly feeling frustrated and resentful towards your partner or dating partners. They ‘should’ be different.

2.     You feel burdened or oppressed, unappreciated, and not free to be yourself.

3.     You are doubting the relationship and being attracted elsewhere, even though you deeply love each other.

4.     You are dating men or women that leave you disinterested and unexcited.

5.     Sex is non-existent or minimal and feels functional or even boring.

What is reverse polarity?

Reverse polarity happens when the natural polarity between masculine and feminine becomes reversed. He takes more of the She role than is natural to him, and She takes more of the He role than is natural to her.

This is not the same as when He is exploring or expressing his feminine side, or She is developing and enjoying her masculine side. Reverse polarity occurs when this has tipped over into a situation where one is occupying the space of the other essence. Therefore, the polarity has become unconsciously reversed. The magnets are repelling each other, not attracting.

Between a man and a woman who are naturally mostly masculine and feminine essence, when the polarity becomes reversed the woman becomes the one who is the most directive, focused, protecting, financially supporting, stable, responsible, mission orientated, calling the shots. The man becomes the one who is more receptive, emotional, going with the flow, focused on relationships and feelings, and even self-doubting.

The woman will then be busy prodding him into action, as he seems slow to move or to be responsible or to grow. He will be wanting her to slow down, relax, leave him alone. While he is feeling increasingly less purposeful, she will be more ambitious and anxious. Their love starts to be clouded by this feeling that something isn’t right.

They are not living their natural essence in the relationship. If they were happy to naturally occupy these energies there would be polarity, not reverse polarity. Reverse polarity can wreck your love life.

What causes reverse polarity?

1.     Inequality in income over time, where She earns considerably more and therefore feels she has more authority over how their money is spent.

2.     He is being the house-husband and minding the children full-time, but not because that is his gift or he wants to.

3.     He is financially looked after by his busy and over-worked partner while he pursues his creative dreams.

4.     He loses his job and is unemployed for too long, or has career failures that break him, or a prolonged illness and She picks up the slack.

5.     Lack of understanding of the differences between masculine and feminine, so drifting out of polarity or continually taking the other’s space.

6.     He is continually trying to please Her, or to keep the peace he denies his own needs and masculine energy.

7.     She is scared to let go into her feelings and embodied flow.

8.     Previous trauma or wounding creates protection, which shows up in this way.

How to end reverse polarity and regain polarity:

1.     He gives his direction into the relationship.

2.     She steps back more energetically so He can step up more.

3.     He takes equal or more responsibility for the finances. (If he is not as capable they may decide for her to do it.)

4.     She takes more time for herself and to be embodied and feeling.

5.     He spends more time with trustable men.

6.     She stops taking responsibility for Him and trusts him to get on with it himself or suffer the consequences.

7.     He initiates more scheduling, time keeping, planning, date nights, where and when to meet.

8.     She practices receptivity and stops doing the work in the relationship for both of them.

It may be uncomfortable

It can be challenging to change a reverse polarity as there will be reasons why you have occupied the other space. It may be uncomfortable to admit what’s happening. However, the rewards are great when the natural polarity is restored as She will finally relax, and He will feel his purpose.

If you are dating you will be able to bring out the opposite essence of the other. You will also attract different people.

You will feel authentic, aligned and happier and have the sexual polarity that makes for a wonderful loving union.

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

The post 5 signs of reverse polarity appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

The desire for love and the erotic union of masculine and feminine runs deep, and yet there is little teaching in how to actually achieve this. And what teaching or information we do have is primarily misguided.

We have been told that continual intimacy, complete honesty, and sharing everything with your partner makes for great relationship. But the truth is this doesn’t necessarily lead to igniting that spark of sexual polarity and passionate devotion that makes a relationship alive.

In fact passion can be killed off in the cosy warmth of domestic life. Too much honesty can hurt another person or create conflict. And I am not advocating lying or deception here, but rather a subtle compassion as to what needs to be shared with the other. We don’t need to hear the bad stuff when it is something we can’t change, better to celebrate and appreciate the good stuff.

And talking about psychological problems together needs to be limited. It can be useful at times for trust and understanding, but it doesn’t usually create desire and attraction.

Talking too much to your partner in general can lead to boredom and taking each other for granted. Or to thinking you know everything about them. Intimacy can lead to a brother/sister type of relating. We are actually changing all the time – and mystery is exciting.

Mystery and the pull of magnetic attraction

This mystery and the pull of magnetic attraction needs to have a sense of difference to ignite. And this can be created, maintained and nurtured within modern relationships.

Celebrating the different needs and gifts of masculine and feminine essences makes a relationship much more dynamic and sexy. Accepting this as a priority may mean less time spent together in favour of more aliveness and attraction.

I see how women want their men to be like their girlfriends, then they complain they are not manly enough. Men make their women into co-workers or buddies and wonder why the goddess no longer shows up. We cannot be everything to each other, it’s just not possible, or desirable. Look to your friends, family and the wider community to fulfil some of the needs and keep the relationship as the union of masculine and feminine essences. Of course occasionally we can be all of these things to each other, but if we are depending on it all the time, it leads to frustration and disappointment, and it doesn’t have to be that way.

If you are dating and opening up to a new partner

If you are dating and opening up to a new partner, then knowing how and when to magnify your own essence as an attractive force, and how to be spiritually sexy, is a great art to learn. Don’t give everything away, take your time, and let the energy build. Hold onto yourself and your essence, after all this is what is attracting the other to you. Enjoying time apart will make you both more keen to see each other. Dress up for your dates, be comfortable to be masculine or feminine. Appreciate each other.

The Union of Masculine and Feminine is not a merger, it’s a union of opposites that can dance together as a celebration of differences. The allure is from the unknown other, not from sameness.

with love and trust,

Cynthia

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Recently I did my first Facebook live video and it went very well!  The main thing, as always, is getting started. One lovely comment was “It was like watching you in circle…confident, feminine and open….beautiful”,  so that’s awesome feedback. Especially as a problem I had before doing my initial work on essence and polarity, (almost twenty years ago with the brilliant David Deida), was feeling unseen! Are you feeling unseen or unvalued?

If so you are not alone as many people who come to my Living Love workshops and sessions feel unseen or unvalued for the man or woman they truly are. Whether single or partnered this can be painful to experience, and we start protecting ourselves around it, pretending we don’t really care. 

For a man, if he is feeling undervalued, or not honoured as a man, it is often reflecting his attitude to himself. He may have been heavily critiqued by previous partners or a parent, and feel diminished and not trusting his core strength.

He may even doubt his masculinity, although he is a very trustable and caring man. Past painful experiences led him to shrink and his presence is reduced. Women respond to present, confident men.

For a woman,she may feel she is invisible, or even seen only for her inner beauty, not for her whole self. Why is this? Usually it is because the woman doesn’t really show herself, she is hiding or diminishing her love-light.

She is waiting for the right time or the right person before she risks opening. Often she expects others to see through her fears and protections and discover who she really is.

And while this may happen in fairy tales, romantic movies or books, in real life it’s rare. More common is this woman is overlooked in favour of others who are more open and willing to be seen.

If we want to create more love in our lives we need to practise and work to reveal ourselves authentically.

Our fears are there for sure and need to be acknowledged and appreciated along the path.  Don’t wait to be discovered!

Give the gift of you fully. Now.

Appreciating you with love and trust,

Cynthia

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The Feminine Mystery. What does that mean? And what does it mean ‘men – surf the feminine mystery’.

The feminine essence is mysterious, elusive, flowing and often unpredictable. Changing from soft and calm to fiery and chaotic. She defies rational thought and lives inside the great mystery of life. She seems to slide away just when you think you have her figured out. Like the ocean.

A mystery cannot be known, but it can be loved. If the Masculine essence can embrace the mystery and provide good boundaries that help her life, then she will gift him with a ring side seat to the theatre of her mystery as it unfolds.

Imagine living with an oceanic mystery of love where you don’t know what will come in the next moment! How thrilling. This can only happen if the feminine one is willing to trust her energy, her feelings, her life force itself. And if she trusts her masculine partner to reveal all of herself to him.

The feminine is a tremendously powerful force, especially when she allows her energies to be fully expressed, not as a chaotic array of weapons, but as the forces of love.

For a feminine orientated person to trust that she is in essence not the same as as the masculine, is revolutionary. Most women are conditioned to try and be like men – thinking, planning, rationalising, understanding, directing – all great qualities that she absolutely needs. But if she has predominantly feminine essence then this denies the true nature of her wild, unpredictable self. The self that can love gently or fiercely depending on what is called out from her by each moment.

Men are sometimes confused, afraid or dismissing of the feminine mystery because they do not know it, value it or understand it. If he can accept that she can’t actually be understood as he understands men, rather that she is longing to be seen, appreciated, loved and desired as the mystery that she is, then he will receive her sacred self.

She doesn’t open up to the masculine trying to figure her out, although she may appreciate his efforts, she will be unattracted to his attempts to control, define, fix, or sort-out. However if he can be present with her, deeply enjoy her as the mystery, penetrate and support her so her life becomes more relaxed, then she will shower him with devotion and reveal all the amazing colours, flavours and textures of her feminine essence and love.

Men may prefer to use their directed energy to go straight to the point of the matter but if they are around a woman gifting them with her feminine essence he gets to the point in a series of waves and surges. Learning to ‘surf’ he appreciates the journey, not just the destination. He has respect for the ocean and enjoys the ride.

with love

Cynthia

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Men, shopping with your woman can be like foreplay or kill the romance. Women, shopping can be a spiritual practice or an expensive substitute for love. Shopping and sexual essence is a fascinating mirror of sexual polarity.

In general the masculine essence likes to shop functionally, taking as least time as possible. Mission focused. As one man claimed, “efficient is the word that keeps coming up for me. Shopping seems largely a distraction. Or a test! Not to get lost in the Feminine, wandering the aisles.” Another describes his supermarket shopping methods, “I bring a list, have a budget, a time frame, and I keep socialising to a minimum. I feel a need to stay aware to counteract being lured into the timeless, feminine place created to make me buy more of what I don’t need.”

Very different to many with a feminine essence, for whom socialising while shopping is part of the pleasurable experience. I love fabrics, textures, fragrance, shape, colour and running into people I know while wandering. When I was a busy filmmaker living in the fast paced city, I would refresh myself by walking into a wonderful lingerie store and just looking at the items. Touching them was rejuvenating. My mind would relax. My energy would revive.

I also spoke to Thelia, a woman who loves shopping. ‘It makes me feel good, its very opening! I enjoy the whole process, and part of it is interacting with the shop owners.”

Robert, a man in his early sixties, described shopping for a motorbike, “I want something and go and get it with no room for ambiguity. I decided on the size, colour and model clearly in my mind. All the thought has gone into it first, looking at magazine articles to find out more about it, and talking to other enthusiasts. I identify my target and then I go in for the kill and all that’s to be decided is the price. I have previously visualised myself owning the bike, riding the bike, even washing the bike. So all my energies go on getting the best price. If I could get it cheaper I would – its a win.”

And for David “I just want to own the good thing, I don’t want to search for it.” Matt shares “I walk into a shop and walk around the entire shop scanning everything. If nothing catches my eye I walk out in 20 to 30 seconds. Usually what catches my eye is perfect.”

And do you think this quote comes from a man or a woman?  “When I find something I really like I buy more than one because the process of personal shopping is boring so if I buy more than one I might not have to do it again for a long time.”  It’s a guy. Robyn tells me that “I had to stop my man buying all his shirts in the same colour and style. I told him people would think he is wearing the same, possibly dirty, shirt every day.”

As the masculine is essentially devoted to his mission and purpose in life, his shopping habits reflect this. I know a man who has twenty of the same shirts in his wardrobe. For the feminine this is so foreign, we may have twenty dresses but they will all be different.

Each of us will at times swap into the other essence. A masculine essence  can also  enjoy the pleasure of design, shape, colour, especially if he is interested in these things as part of his mission. A feminine essence can be purposeful in the supermarket, focused on her list, but then if she runs into someone she wants to engage with that will often take precedence. Ultimately the feminine values connection more than purpose or time. I can imagine how frustrating this could be for the masculine if he didn’t understand that the feminine is made for pleasure and devoted to love and connection.

For the feminine essence, at her best, the art of shopping for adornment is a spiritual act to magnify her love-light. For many women the best shopping happens without a plan, ‘incidental’ shopping that is about serendipity, unfocused pleasure and creativity, a sensuous, sacred dive into her bliss nature.

For many men this is torture. Thelia says, “Clothes shopping is about beauty, I love making myself attractive.” A young woman reveals “I spend a whole day shopping and I try things on just for the fun, playing, I’ll even try on a ridiculous outfit to see what it feels like, even though there is no way I am going to buy it.”

Sadly, shopping can also be a substitute for love, an attempt to fill the emptiness in a woman’s heart and womb, which like every addiction eventually fails. ‘Retail therapy’ can provide a temporary boost in endorphins but it wears off. Shopping can also be an attempt to bolster up low self esteem. As Janice revealed “of course its an addiction, an uplifter. If I’m down or if I’m on a diet it’s a reward. But it doesn’t last as its external. If I go shopping and its an expensive purchase I feel like I’ve gambled, I feel a shot of adrenaline through my system, its both exciting and scary.”

Women have clear needs when their man comes shopping with them. Stephanie says, “I want him to be present to my joy in the shopping and be part of it with me, relating to me and being adoring of me…….the worst thing is shopping with a man is if he’s in a hurry and doesn’t give me time or space to shop. Men can be judgmental… “shopping again, how pathetic is that!’’

Robert says, “Shopping for pleasure is a waste of time (for me) but if you like women you are interested in how they react to pleasure. If I’m shopping with my beloved I’m willing to take part in that for her sake – watching her going in and out of the dressing room and showing me dresses.  It’s like foreplay. I get so much joy and pleasure in witnessing her reactions. The process is eying the colour, the feel of the fabric and what would it be like to unzip it… It’s all part of the same continuum.”

Many women prefer shopping with their women friends. No stress as to time constraints or male boredom. They can just enjoy it. I personally remember a highlight shopping experience when I was in a dressing room with two friends, all madly trying on the same dress in different colours and sizes at once.

Victoria says, “When we shop for clothes for my man, I take over completely (but he only ever buys what he likes, even if I don’t like it, which I sort of admire).”

And at the supermarket? Victoria describes “I haven’t pushed a shopping trolley in years, he does this (what a joy!). He’s meticulous in reading ingredients, this is a total turn on!!! I so admire that quality of caring about what you eat. He pays for everything, even though it’s our money, the fact that I don’t even carry my purse into the store makes me feel very taken care of. When we get home he brings everything in so I don’t need to lift the heavy bags, again I feel taken care of which makes me want to reciprocate.”

Understanding and embracing these differences means a relationship of mutual appreciation, offering each other the gifts of your essence. She can help him feel valued. He can help her be purposeful when needed and also appreciate her feminine essence so deeply she shines even brighter.

with love

Cynthia

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A multitude of books, internet sites, articles and TV shows have been created on the pursuit of happiness. And we naturally desire to be happy, it feels good! But danger lies in feeling that if we are not constantly happy there is something wrong with us, we aren’t good enough, or aware or loving enough! Light and dark feelings are natural.

If we risk opening to love and becoming more aware, we risk opening to both light and dark feelings. There are times when we are not on top of things, feeling anything but joyful or purposeful, or not ‘succeeding’ in our desire to create a better world. This can be hard to tolerate and made worse by the recent trend of ‘expecting happiness’.

But is being always happy and upbeat a realistic goal? And does that goal create the type of depth and love that is fully human and touches the divine? Or does it feed the ego’s impulses to create the illusion of safety by overriding, going numb, not feeling, maintaining an image?

Instead, we can practice relaxing into the darker aspects of life, feeling through our shells of protection and fear, dropping deeper and deeper through the layers of painful experiences into the wisdom and soulfulness that comes from embracing it all, both the light and the dark.

As we take the freefall into opening as Love, feeling wider than our individual self, it means feeling everything and everyone, not just the happy bits!

In relationships we want our partner or beloveds to be happy, and yet this can set up pressure for them to ‘get over it’, find a solution to stop the pain, end the suffering, rather than giving them the loving space to ‘be’, to feel, to experience it all. Often its our own discomfort we want to stop.

In the masculine/feminine interplay it can go two ways –  let’s take it as an exchange between a man and a woman, although the same interplay happens inside our own psyche and between masculine and feminine energies. The painful scenario is when the woman is feeling strong emotions and shame about that, met by the man who wants to find a solution and get her out of her emotions, which he sees as making her unhappy – if only she would take his advice! However she seems to prefer to ‘wallow in drama’ (his perception). His need for her to change increases her pain, confusion and shame.

A better scenario is for her to honour what she is feeling herself and allow it to settle and be fully felt, trusting her feminine essence, while the masculine brings his depth and wisdom to allow her to feel even more fully and be with what is. This supports her feelings to arise and pass, to flow, as is the nature of life – nothing gets stuck, solutions appear if necessary, the atmosphere becomes soulful and real, full of rich beauty and humanity. He too is then free to feel himself as needed. This improves the sexuality as this flow of feeling makes it rich and full.

Personally, my take on happiness is the ability to be so real and fully feeling in compassion and bright beauty that there is no resistance to whatever is appearing, even our resistance.

with love

Cynthia

The post Light and dark feelings appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.