Reverse polarity can quietly wreck your love life.

It’s often hard to recognise, because it doesn’t look like a “polarity problem” – it looks like the everyday friction of mismatched personalities and attachment styles. Or the kind of low-grade resentment that can seep into long-term relationships or prolonged unsuccessful dating. But once you can see it, you can do something about it.

Some signs of reverse polarity in a relationship or in dating:

1. Constantly feeling frustrated and resentful towards your partner or dating partners. They “should” be different.
2. You feel burdened or oppressed, unappreciated, and not free to be yourself.
3. You are doubting the relationship and being attracted elsewhere, even though you deeply love each other.
4. You are dating people who seem nice or good, but leave you disinterested and unexcited.
5. Sex is non-existent or minimal, and feels functional or even boring.

What is reverse polarity?

Reverse polarity happens when the natural polarity between masculine and feminine becomes reversed. He takes on more of the She role than is natural to him, and She takes on more of the He role than is natural to her.

This isn’t the same as him exploring his feminine side, or her enjoying her masculine side – that’s healthy range. Reverse polarity is when this tips into both people occupying the space of the other’s essence, unconsciously and consistently. The magnets start repelling instead of attracting.

Between a couple who are naturally mostly masculine and feminine essence, when the polarity reverses, she becomes the one who is directive, protecting, financially driving, mission-orientated, calling the shots. He becomes the one who is receptive, emotional, going with the flow of life and feeling – and increasingly self-doubting.

She ends up prodding him into action, because he seems slow to move or grow or even take responsibility. He wants her to slow down and leave him alone. He feels less purposeful; she feels more anxious and responsible for both of them. The love may still be there, but it’s clouded.

They are not living their natural essence in the relationship. If they were happy to naturally occupy these energies, whatever their gender, thats a different story’

It’s not really about who does what task – it’s about what energy each of you is holding.

If you’re occupying an energy, masculine or feminine, your partner will often shift naturally into complementary polarity with it – or they’ll fight it. Its good to know that a woman can be highly capable in traditionally masculine tasks, or a man in traditionally feminine ones, and the couple can still hold strong polarity, if they know how to generate it. Polarity is created energetically, not just divided up by tasks or roles.

What causes reverse polarity?

1. Financial imbalance – she earns considerably more, carries him financially or supports him while he’s home full-time or pursuing his own path – and it isn’t a conscious, mutual choice.
2. Career setbacks, job loss, or illness disrupt the natural flow, and she picks up the slack. Something neither partner controls – but polarity can still be consciously maintained through it.
3. Not understanding the positive differences between masculine and feminine essence, so the couple drifts out of polarity or keeps taking over each other’s space.
4. He keeps trying to please her and denies his own needs and masculine energy to keep the peace.
5. She’s scared to let go into her feelings, be alive in her body and surrender into flow.
6. Earlier trauma, wounding, or a parent who modelled an undesirable aspect of their essence – leaving a need to protect around your own essence and shy away from living it fully.

How to restore polarity

Restoring polarity means each of you reclaiming your natural energy in intimacy, not defaulting into an unfulfilling opposite.

If you have a core feminine essence and you’ve been the one directing, managing, deciding, carrying him, and feeling burdened or resentful about it – step back energetically. Give your partner room to step up. Stop managing his emotions, decisions, and healing, and trust him to find his own way, even if he hasn’t yet. Hand back to him what is his to take care of and let him experience the consequences of not doing that. You are still loving and supporting him, just not over-functioning in his domain.

If you’ve been the one going along, deferring, staying passive, pleasing her and resenting it – step in. Give more direction, take real responsibility (including for money), initiate plans, especially for intimacy, and stop waiting to be prompted. Don’t ask “What can I do to help?” as this makes her the manager.

Whichever way it’s running: reconnect with what’s truly authentic to you, spend time with others who hold that essence well. And practice new possibilities.

The hard part

What happens if she steps back and he doesn’t pick it up?

A vacuum calls us to fill it, and it’s deeply tempting for her to go back to managing him – his emotions, his decisions, his social life – the moment you notice him not stepping into the space you’ve made.

If this happens, the move isn’t to fill the gap again. It’s to encourage him to find support elsewhere – other men, a men’s group, a therapist – and if he still doesn’t shift, consciously decide: am I willing to carry this, or not?

What’s often true is this: when you shift something internally – genuinely let go – the whole field of the relationship changes. The other person is far more likely to rise into the space you’ve vacated than if you never really vacated it at all.

What happens if he steps up and she doesn’t relax her masculine energy?

The dynamic can run the other way too – where he’s occupying more of the flowing, emotional, relational aspects, and she’s polarised into the masculine, driving and directing. The same principle applies: give her time to find her feminine essence and trust you again. It won’t happen overnight. When he steps back into more direction and steadiness, she’ll find her way into more flow.

Our patterns run deep and they are often formed because of a perceived or real need to protect ourselves. It can be scary to change, however the risk of letting reverse polarity wreck your love-life and your intimacy is a greater risk than getting out of your comfort zone to have more of what you are deeply longing for.

In my experience even a small shift towards authentic polarity makes a very big difference in levels of happiness and fulfilment in yourself and your relationships.

If you’re single or dating

Reverse polarity doesn’t need a relationship to show up – it can happen on a single date. Here you can choose not to fill the reversed role from the start.

For those more masculine in essence: you can maintain polarity by centring into your own core rather than matching her masculine energy. Don’t fight it, and don’t give in to it either — just stay rooted in yourself. Humour is one of the most useful tools here; it de-escalates without collapsing your ground.

More feminine in essence: stay in your own flow and feeling instead of taking over the planning, the direction, the reassurance – even when someone seems to need you to. Many men have become wary of showing their authentic masculine leadership as they assume it will not be welcome. But when given with care and sensitivity to her, it’s very welcome to the feminine essence.

Either way: notice when you’re about to occupy someone else’s space, and don’t.

It can be challenging to shift reverse polarity – there are usually real reasons you ended up occupying the other space, and it may be uncomfortable to even admit what’s happening.

But the rewards are significant. When natural polarity is restored, tension eases and magnetic love returns. Whether you’re partnered or dating, you’ll notice you start attracting different people, and feel more authentic, aligned, and happier – with access to the kind of polarity that makes for a genuinely alive connection.

If you recognise this pattern in your relationship or dating life, it’s not something you have to untangle alone. This is exactly the work I do in sessions and private intensives — helping people see where the reversal is happening and consciously restore polarity, often faster than expected. Book a single session to explore this dynamic or learn more about private intensives →

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

The post The Signs of Reverse Polarity (and How to Shift It) appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

The 3A’s  of great relationships – Attraction, Alignment and Authenticity are the three essential ingredients for great relationships, friendships and collaborations. Remove one of these ingredients and it just doesn’t quite work.

An energetic pull that draws you together

1. Attraction is central to all our relationships. There is sexual attraction with our intimate partners, the spark of masculine and feminine opposites. In dating we simply want to see someone again. In friendships we like someone, we are drawn to them. At work, we have colleagues we prefer to be with, teams we want to be part of, a culture or creativity that attract us. Here we thrive. Even our pets are likable, lovable or just quirkily attractive to us.

Trying to be in an intimate relationship without attraction is a forced affair. It is a struggle that never fully goes away. There may be a huge amount of love, but if attraction is absent, it devolves more into companionship.

And I’m not just talking about physical attraction, but an energetic pull that draws you together, often in spite of physical preferences. ‘He’s not my usual type but I just want to be around him…’

Attraction in intimacy will ebb and flow over time, but how much depends on your commitment to keeping passion and love alive. As one of the 3 Traits of great relationships it is important!

Sharing core values and dreams

2. Alignment is also a major key to great relationships. If we are not sharing core values and dreams it is difficult to sustain an attraction. For example, if you are a man in your early forties and you really want to have a family, you may be extremely attracted to your girlfriend, but if she does not want children it’s not going to work. Or if you need monogamy and your partner needs an open relationship, your opposing desires for safety and freedom are not aligned.

You are pulling in opposite directions.

Or if your dream is to live and work in a cosmopolitan city, and your partner is miserable unless they are in the bush, the attraction will likely lessen under the strain of the non-alignment. Compromises can be made, but it’s not easy when they are big ones. But the plus is that you can discover new things through your partner.

In a work team, it is often more invigorating to have different points of view. But only when you are all aligned in service to a common goal or project.

Friendships can drift apart when not bound by a common interest, location, political leanings, shared sports, life-styles. Sometimes though, the heart alignment is stronger than these factors and the friendship endures all kinds of changes.

In intimate relationships an alignment of your sexual flavours and preferences makes it easier to flow together in love making. If one partner is very light and romantic and the other is more kinky and darker this can be fearful for one and boring for the other.

When we are authentic others can trust us

3. Authenticity creates trust, an essential for all good and strong relationships, intimate or otherwise. Being real and essentially yourself is being authentic. When we are authentic others can trust us because we do not have secrets or hidden motives. We are not projecting false identities over our true essence, or manipulating to get love and attention. We are vulnerable in the best kind of way.

If we commit to another from our authentic selves we will naturally keep our commitments and follow through. This builds the trust, which creates a container for attraction and love to grow and flourish. Authenticity is not about forcing our ‘truth’ onto another or being ‘honest’ in a way that hurts others unnecessarily. It is being true to ourselves and living love to others.

Authenticity is exciting, an aphrodisiac. It can bring back lost attraction or make it very clear if its not going to work.

If you are not able to be your authentic self in a relationship that is not healthy and needs to change.

Small amounts of awareness can go a long way

And there is a 4th A, the overarching aspect of Awareness. Connecting to lightness, humour, sacredness and ease. Small amounts of awareness can go a long way in our human stumbling towards love. No one is perfect, much less ourselves.

How are you doing with the 3 Traits of great relationships?

Are you showing and relishing your own attractiveness, or hiding it away? Are you trying to be attractive on the outside as a compensation to feeling not so attractive inside? Are you trusting and following your true attractions and desires in all your relationships? If not, why not?

Are you in acting in alignment with your own values and dreams? Do you recognise that getting involved with someone without enough alignment will lead to suffering? What will you compromise to be loved? Why?

Is authenticity something you welcome or fear? Are you a trustable person to be with because you are in touch with yourself and willing to risk being authentic with others? Do you let love in by being vulnerable? If not, are you working on it?

……And there is a  quiet 4th A  – Awareness – we can all keep evolving and doing our own work to increase our awareness in growth and consciousness. This positively impacts all our relationships.

Where coaching comes in

Cynthia

The post The 3 A’s of great relationships appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

The polarity between masculine and feminine energies is what creates magnetic attraction and erotic connection between people. That can happen with a stranger, where there may be no love at all. When you have Polarity + Love you have a potent mix of desire and connection. Love provides the trust and the alignment, while polarity provides the desire and the thrill of the unknown.

This difference between masculine and feminine essence is also the source of much modern angst, spawning countless internet memes, comedy skits and lots of advice (mine included). They really are different modes – She is the flowing, feeling ever changing part of us, relating focused.  He is the solid, non-changing aspect that is mission focused.

Many people, whether in a relationship or dating, decide to just give up on polarity and opt for ‘sameness’. This brings harmony, but not passion. Often they had the passion at the beginning of their relationship, but it has waned over time. It does that mostly because of familiarity and merging, which can feel good, but it erodes the sense of the erotic other. And looking outside your relationship to find that can lead to mistrust and breakups.

It can seem safer to be more neutralised and blurred in our relationships, more companionable, but we can be equal and different. Polarity + Love is achievable. To me there is great value in having both. When trust is there, when love is the compass, the polarity goes much deeper.

For years I have been exploring the ways to increase both these powerful forces. And you can too. But firstly we must see the value of putting in the work to create it, whether in a relationship or looking for one. In the disrupted times we are living in, the solidity of a relationship that includes both of these elements is grounding, reassuring and productive.

We mostly don’t have the same traditional roles of the past, and that’s a good thing to be free of stereotyped roles, but we still have the desire to have desire!

And we always want to love and be loved, in our own way.

With love,

Cynthia

Reading about polarity is one thing, feeling it is another. In a one-on-one or couples session with Cynthia Connop, you’ll learn how to embody these dynamics in daily life. Explore sessions here.

The post Polarity + Love appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

Women often ask  “How do I get more of my needs met in a relationship? How can I get him to listen and be there for me? Where do I find a good partner who can truly meet me?”

The feminine wants to be appreciated, loved and seen.  She wants the feelings that move through her to be accepted, her radiance to be enjoyed by the trustable masculine. When he is present with her, undistracted, without judgment or needing to fix her, then she opens up to him. And importantly, to herself. She wants to be met by his masculine presence and love.

Too often the masculine one is afraid of feminine feelings or confused what to do with them. He tries bringing logical solutions to help her or quickly shuts her down, it’s just too much ‘drama’. Or he withdraws to feel calm and centered again. Without even meaning to, this can make her feel invalidated, as her feeling nature is an important part of her. It’s not just her emotions, it’s her sensuality and intuition, her feminine wisdom.

When he can listen and appreciate her feelings, and she trusts him,  then she also wants to be met by his ability to commit, claim and ravish her. So she can finally let-go and be her full feminine self.

What I often see though is that some women are wanting to be met by the masculine while they themselves are not fully in touch with, or trusting their own feminine essence. Is she okay with her feelings and emotions? Is she ok with expressing herself freely in her body? Opening up her heart and revealing her feelings can be challenging, especially if there has been hurt in past relationships or trauma.

For her, the right movement, dance, therapy, and other practices will be helpful for letting go of barriers to love. And softening into her vulnerability ignites her inner essence. As she meets herself, this begins to answer the question, “How can I be met? Because if she doesn’t see or love herself, how will he or anyone else? If she doesn’t share her beauty and love with the world, how will she be seen or met?

And still it’s important to acknowledge that a deep fulfilment for her in relationship is to be met by the aware and present masculine, who doesn’t back away from her feeling self, or run from her due to his own discomfort.

But, although she does want to be met, she may be scared or have unconsciously chosen someone who can’t match her. She may cut down and criticise him, the very one who wants to meet her. This just does not work. Or her expectations may be too big for any one human man to fulfill. So she experiences not being met and suffers with that.

When he can feel how full she is in her feminine flow, emotional honesty, and desire for deep sacred loving he is inspired. He is also inspired by her receptivity to his presence and masculine direction. He is attracted to her confidence and freedom to be herself and show him who she truly is. Her full and devotional heart draws him into more presence. Then he wants to meet and claim her to the best of his ability.

It starts with each of us, and we only need to take small steps in the right direction.

In my sessions and  workshops women experience being truly met by trustable masculine presence. This opens the door to that deeper claim and ravishment in her relationships. It is transformational.

love

Cynthia

The post She wants to be met (by Him) appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

Couples who come to the Living Love workshops do resolve many issues and problems in their intimate relationship. And beyond that the workshops take a couple into deeper, sacred connection, embodying their masculine and feminine essence. Then we see in relationship workshops that what goes wrong can come right.

Men and women come to the Living Love workshops for many reasons. They may have relationship issues to solve, intimacy skills to learn, curiosity (and frustrations) about their opposite.

Our habitual contractions and self-protections usually come from our past experiences, in childhood or in previous relationships. Perhaps we were abandoned or our trust was broken. This can lead to personal wounding, fears and doubts. These all restrict the flow of energy and love available for yourself and others. These patterns and protections sadly create what we fear. And this keeps us stuck in painful patterns and cycles that keeps spinning.

Feminine essence

Over the years of running workshops and doing couples counselling I have found differences in mens and womens issues. Those with a more feminine essence often are more likely to have protection and wariness from past hurts and deep disappointments in relationships. She always suffers from lack of love in relationship.

In the face of betrayal or not being loved fully they start to think they are ‘too much’ or ‘not good enough.’ Or they become overly critical of the masculine as a way to distance themselves and stay ‘safe’. They claim their partner is ‘not loving them enough’ or in the ‘right way’. They unconsciously believe that by withdrawing, not being vulnerable, or numbing their feelings, they will be safer. Actually in the context of love and intimacy vulnerability is a primary energy that draws the masculine into relationship.

Masculine essence

Those with a more masculine essence can be wary of commitment, concerned about the lack of freedom in relationship. They may not yet be connected to the authentic depth of freedom and awareness inside themselves. Or they are not mature enough to have realised the freedom that comes from deep commitment and integrity, and chosen responsibility. They can be lacking confidence about their masculine energy. And wondering how to find love and support from a great woman. Or by becoming lost in the feminine, lost in their own doubt, they can become less trustable. Even becoming a ‘pleaser’ disconnected from his own core. He can even become rejecting and dismissive, withdrawing, as a means of protection. And yet he has a deep need to be loved by the feminine.

How it comes right

In the Living Love workshops the ways in which these issues. and others, are resolved is different for each person. And yet there are threads of understanding that are similar. When the feminine connects to and values her own love, feelings, intuition and her power, then she relates to the masculine in a very different way. She is sitting confidently in herself, allowing her flow of feelings and her vulnerability. Anger and tears and deep yearning may be expressed. She transforms in the workshops when she is received and heard by the masculine.

For many women to be loved and accepted by the masculine as she is is very healing. Safe to be in her feminine essence, vulnerable, alive, powerful, fiercely loving. And as she experiences the masculine meeting her, encouraging her, she expresses more of who she really is. She trusts herself and her love flows freely again.

For the masculine in the Living Love workshops he experiences the inherent freedom in his being. And how to deepen into that within commitment and responsibility. He meets the trustable masculine in himself and the other men. And so he gets a truer reflection of the nobility and power of masculine essence. From there he is able to be present more fully for the feminine, for whatever she is feeling or thinking, without losing his own centre or taking it personally. This is what she yearns for and what brings out her devotional heart.

For him here is also the relief and delight of meeting the loving feminine heart. He is directly enlivened by her open feminine energy. Loving feedback from her gives him the right amount of challenge and direction to adjust and deepen himself. He becomes more trustable and starts getting different responses from the feminine. He experiences polarity with the feminine that is wild and free, with deep integrity.

Balance of safety and risk

The practices, talks and sharings in the workshops are layered to allow his and her core essence to be strengthened, and for the centre of an issue to reveal itself. A skilful balance of safety and risk creates real transformation, more love and deeper connection, more playfulness too. Problems are approached with creativity and heart to reveal a couples true love and intimacy.

with love

Cynthia

The post Relationship Workshops – What Goes Wrong Can Come Right appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

Everyday miracles for couples means that by infusing our day to day lives with love and a spark of attraction, things may still be tense, stressful or downright tough, but the flame that you are nurturing between you is real and even magical. When we first fall in love with the ‘other’ there is often a period of grace where we feel this flame naturally as a magnetic attraction, but sustaining it through the years requires learning and cultivating the art of loving. And we don’t get a lot of help for how to do that.

I often hear women say “He just wants sex and I want the emotional connection first.” Without realising that for him the emotional connection comes through sex. Both want the same thing but have different pathways to get there. No way is right or better, when they work together is the best.

The current social trend of neutrality between the sexes supports a necessary push for greater equality, but it can deny our deeper desires for feminine and masculine interplay. Imagine a culture of recognition and encouragement of both the feminine and masculine, synergistically combining our different powers to create an expansion of life and love.

However, it’s common for couples to struggle with these differences, either by resisting this interplay or by settling into a more “friend” state of being, such as being housemates or co-parenting, instead of embracing their deeper sacred polarity. Misunderstandings, past hurts, broken expectations can play a part in diminishing the flame. Here are some tips for Everyday Miracles for couples to help reorient your relationship.

Understanding and Embracing Polarity

1. Appreciate Your Differences: Understand that the essence of masculine and feminine brings a vital dynamic to your relationship known as magnetic polarity. These differences can fuel passion and enhance love when embraced positively. We are not the same. You don’t want him to be like a girlfriend or her to be like a mate, not really.
2. Support Each Other’s Needs: Recognize and support each other’s unique needs and desires. For instance, when a feminine partner supports the masculine’s need for freedom and purpose, it enriches his ability to provide and protect. Conversely, a masculine partner should support the feminine’s need for emotional expression and creativity. These are not exclusive and can change at different times in our lives, but usually we have more of one essence than the other.

Cultivating Time and Space

3. Make Time for Individual Growth: In our busy lives, it’s crucial for each partner to have time to nourish their own essence. Encourage and support each other to engage in activities that resonate with their nature—whether it’s time alone or with same sex groups. Or pursuing a passion. We don’t have to share everything as then we have nothing fresh to bring to the relationship. We need the treasures of our unique selves to give to the other.
4. Prioritize Your Relationship Wellness: Regularly commit to activities that nurture your relationship in deeper connection and intimacy, such as couple’s therapy or counselling. Making time to be alone together is necessary, even if it feels scary.  This commitment can strengthen communication, and prevent misunderstandings that limit the love that flows between you. Date nights should be scheduled in and aimed to have fun, not for discussing issues or family matters. Be adventurous together.

Enhancing Connection and Intimacy

5. Communicate Openly: We are communicating all the time, in verbal and non-verbal ways. And some of that is less than masterful. Find out how to listen and speak and give from your heart, even when you down feel like it. This helps in expressing love and resolving conflicts. Seek to understand rather than blame and you will be surprised at what can open up between you. Vulnerable “confession” is sexy.
6. Engage in Sexual and Spiritual Exploration: Celebrate your union by engaging in activities that deepen your sexual and spiritual connections. This could include sexual play, tantra, meditation, or simply exploring new experiences together. The masculine tends to connect through sexual closeness and the feminine tends to connect through emotional closeness, so both are needed.
7. Honor and Appreciate Each Other: Regularly take time to express appreciation for each other. Celebrate both the feminine and masculine qualities in your partner, recognising the unique contributions they bring to your relationship. Spend a few minutes a day telling each other what you appreciated about each other in the last 24 hours is a good way to start. If we think it but don’t say it, it doesn’t count.

Regular Practices for a Healthy Relationship

8. Set Aside Quality Time: Life can get hectic, and relationships may be put on the back burner. Make a deliberate effort to set aside quality time to just be together, away from the routines of daily life. This will infuse the everyday with your unique love.
9. Practice Connection Rituals: Engage in rituals that foster connection, such as date nights (or days), holidays away, doing breathing exercises together, or simply holding space for each other to share thoughts and feelings without judgment. Find out what works and do more of it.
10. Seek Professional Guidance When Needed: Don’t hesitate to seek help through therapy or coaching to address and resolve underlying issues. This is a proactive way to maintain a healthy relationship dynamic.

By integrating these practices, couples can experience everyday miracles and keep their attraction, intimacy & love flourishing. And enhancing both their personal growth and their growth as a couple.

with love,

Cynthia

The post Everyday Miracles for Couples appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

(Artwork by Ines Honfi  http://www.ineshonfi.com)

You may have heard people in the tantra and relationship space speaking of the Divine Masculine and Feminine, or invoking visions of Gods and Goddesses, and wondered about their true meaning. And how does this relate to us today, doing our best to love and connect in the midst of life’s challenges?

Many of us have a vague understanding of ancient tales and mythical realms, like the gods and goddesses from Greek and Roman mythology, such as Apollo, Dionysius, Aphrodite, and Diana. Or the Hindu archetypes of Shiva and Shakti. However the terms Divine Masculine and Feminine encompass more than these references.

When I speak of the Divine Masculine and Feminine, I call you to a realm beyond religion and myth. It is an invitation to explore the spiritual ideals of masculine and feminine energies, alive within you right now!

The Divine Masculine represents the archetype of the noble masculine. He embodies consciousness, awareness, wisdom, freedom, and the mastery of self. His essence transcends the petty demands of ego and opens his eyes to the vastness of existence. He resides in ‘nothingness’ and has a penetrative energy.

On the other hand, the Divine Feminine reveals herself as a cosmic embodiment of boundless love. She births and destroys, holds the divine mother archetype and many other forms of the feminine. She flows with sensual grace and can be utterly fierce too. Her essence surpasses the limitations of the small self, manifesting divine radiance and creativity. She resides in ‘fullness’ and has a receptive energy.

By recognizing the divine aspects within ourselves, and our beloveds, we unlock a path of transformation and growth. We can encourage and cultivate these qualities, both within ourselves and also nurture them in others, creating a beautiful and profound connection.

In this realm, the ordinary and the extraordinary are entwined, the human and the sacred. It is a journey of discovery, where the divine whispers secrets of love and possibility, unveiling the beauty and strength hidden within us all.

We see what we look for, so next time you see yourself as flawed, remember you also carry the divine within you. It is helpful to orient towards this, while embracing all of our human emotions too. If we can locate divine feminine Love and masculine divine Awareness within ourselves and others, it helps us to make better choices that will benefit ourselves and all beings. The you are Love. And then you are Awareness.

Check in with yourself and see how much of the divine masculine or feminine is coming through you? Do what you can to expand: breathe, move, meditate, feel, open your heart, rest in peace, bring presence…

When you are annoyed by your date or your partner’s faults or habits, focus instead on the divine aspect in them. See that they are Love, they are Awareness, maybe it’s just a little buried right now.  When we see and appreciate this it grows stronger. Each time we practice and choose more love and awareness we embody more of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. They go hand in hand with our humanity.

This is not some ideal to beat ourselves up with, or to judge others by. It’s not about what we wear or how we project ourselves. The Divine Feminine and Masculine is a north star to orient ourselves towards. And a way of seeing that brings spirit into our lives every day.

with love

Cynthia

The post Divine Masculine & Feminine appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

In intimate relationships, things can go wrong for a variety of reasons, including poor communication (why can’t they just listen!), lack of trust (he never changes), infidelity (she betrayed me) and differences in values or goals. These problems can lead to feelings of hurt, frustration, and resentment, and the resulting struggles can cause the deterioration of the relationship. Transforming intimacy: from struggles to love is a fulfilling part of the work I do.

Intimacy struggles

In my workshops and sessions, I often see how personal issues, fears, and doubts can also play a role in the breakdown of relationships, as people may habitually protect themselves from opening their hearts to others, restricting the flow of love and creating patterns of pain. And so it goes around.

In intimate relationships most partners have different levels of masculine and feminine essence, which can be challenging. For example, a more masculine partner may have difficulty understanding or accepting a more feminine partner’s emotional expression and needs, while a more feminine partner may feel unsupported or dismissed by a more masculine partner.

I find that many intimacy struggles resolve when we understand the masculine and feminine dynamics at play.

Those with a more feminine essence can often have protection and wariness from past hurts and disappointments in relationships, leading to feelings of not being enough or becoming overly critical as a way of self-protection. Their partner is ‘not loving them in the right way’. They may unconsciously believe that by not being vulnerable, or numbing their feelings, they will be safer. But vulnerability (with a trusted partner) is a primary receptive energy that draws the masculine into a love relationship.

On the other hand, those with a more masculine essence may be wary of commitment and concerned about the lack of freedom in relationships but have a deep need to be met by the feminine. They are not connected yet to the depth of freedom they already are inside themselves. They can be in doubt about their masculine energy and may become a ‘pleaser’ lost and disconnected from his own core or be rejecting and dismissive as a means of self-protection.

From Struggles to Love

To improve the relationship, it is helpful for both partners to connect to their own core essence and respect and delight in each other’s differences. Seeking counselling can be beneficial. Additionally, workshops and sessions such as Living Love offers can help transform these issues.

When the feminine honours her own love and beauty, then she relates to herself and to the masculine from a very different place. She stands for herself, trusting and allowing her flow of feeling and vulnerability. Fierceness, tears and deep yearning may be felt and expressed as part of her love. This is very healing for her, to be real and to open to being loved by the masculine as she is. In her feminine essence, vulnerable, alive, powerful, loving. And as she experiences the masculine meeting her, encouraging her in her full flow of energy, she opens and grounds into more of who she really is.

For the masculine there is the relief and delight of meeting the loving feminine heart and body. He is directly enlivened by her open feminine energy.  Now he wants to listen! Real-time embodied loving feedback from her gives him the right amount of challenge to adjust and deepen himself. He becomes more trustable and starts getting different responses from the feminine. He tastes and develops the freedom in his being and how to deepen that within commitment and responsibility. Gaining clarity on his life purpose helps him enormously. He experiences polarity with the feminine that is wild and free, with deep integrity.

And when one’s essence is strengthened, the core of an issue reveals itself. Whether it is a communication issue or a sexual imbalance or a lack of trust it starts to come right. You can solve it much more easily in this depth of strength and vulnerability, in the energetic dance of the loving masculine and feminine.

We are not taught how to do this reorientation and it is not something we can always achieve on our own. It is not our fault, more the lack of transmitted wisdom in the art of intimacy.

with love

Cynthia

The post Intimacy: from Struggles to Love appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

Do you want to be wanted, and magnetic to love with a partner or future partner? Many of us do, and yet it isn’t always how we feel or what is happening. Attraction wanes, sex dies off, our spark is squished. How to create (and keep) attraction alive eludes us a lot of the time.

When attraction works it’s a circular energy. Someone finds you attractive and desirable and then you feel more that way, you radiate and glow in the feminine, and feel more confident and stronger in the masculine.

In reverse, if your partner isn’t particularly turned on by you anymore, you can start to feel and be less attractive. For singles if they aren’t getting attention either online or in real life they can start to contract and then they receive even less attention.

It’s a natural downhill slide. How to interrupt that free-fall and let go into love instead?

1.     Stand in your own essence and cultivate it.

Attraction happens when two opposite energies come together, the masculine and feminine essence, whether that’s in men or women.  This can be a purely sexual attraction, but it is so much richer and more sacred when the attraction is to body, mind and spirit. We need to nurture and deepen our own essence. Be as alive, healthy and vital as you can be. And bring that to our relationships, over and over. 

2.     Trust that to attract others, you don’t have to be the same.

Becoming too much in the friend zone or the parenting zone with a partner doesn’t work to create or keep attraction. Friendship and trust are essential, but we need erotic mystery and differences to feel that magnetic zing and have deep union. It is not about ‘type’ or body shape, it’s about energy. We have preferences but they can fly out the window when we feel that attractive pull to the other. We can be equal and different. Be sensitive to, and open to, even worshipping our opposite.

3.     Look for where the polarity is moment to moment in your relationship or date.

If things are feeling a bit flat or neutral, then what can you do in that moment? Pull back and leave a gap for the masculine to stand in? Offer appreciation to the feminine? Have humour, mystery, playfulness. Stop being rational or going on with dull talking. Be brave and try new things.

4.     Take either a surrender role or a direction role

To have strong attraction one person needs to be either the ‘ravisher’ or be ‘ravished’. Let yourself go and trust one or the other and see what happens. Most people have a preference and it’s fun to play with this and swop it up a bit too. Can be while making love or on a coffee date.

5.     Create endings and beginnings.

End the daily stuff and start the exciting stuff with a ritual, a poem, a look, a dress-up. Be bold, fearless. Activate the attraction regularly, don’t rely on it just happening as it takes skill and art to create and keep polarity.

…….

We will be exploring and activating this in the Evening Workshop ‘How to Create (and keep) Attraction. April 6.

Love

Cynthia

The post 5 Ways to Create (and keep) Attraction appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

In my last blog Essential Masculine & Feminine Part 1 I explained the qualities of each essence and how the differences can work to create attraction and spark. In this Part 2 I suggest practical ways to increase masculine and feminine sexual essence. Whether you are single or in a relationship you can improve your well-being, relationships and sexual polarity.

Let’s make it a fun game. If you want more flow, fullness and feeling in yourself and your life, choose feminine. If you want more direction, clarity and nothingness choose masculine. Do one of these each day this next week and don’t progress until you tick that one off! 

It can be done in as little as 10 mins a day. Let’s start with the feminine…….

FEMININE sexual essence

Shakti, the divine feminine creative power is in constant motion, flowing and ever-changing.

1. Get moving to get in touch with your feminine energy. Not structured exercise but dance, or gentle yoga, play, any activity that keeps you moving, feeling, and flowing. Let go, breathe, and surrender to what moves in you, moment to moment. Tick!
2. Spend time with loving women friendsto increase your feminine essence.Meet or call up a feminine friend and commune with her, merging your energies, no plan. If you don’t have these friends yet, then nourish a connection with a woman where you are drawn to her feminine essence.  Tick!
3. Take a feminine mini-break.Directly after a work session of focusing take a short break to connect back with your feminine self. Go outside and smell the flowers or loll about on the earth. Or create a snack by using your senses. Smell and feel the lime as you squeeze it on fresh papaya… Tick!
4. Dress up anywayeven if it’s to go to the supermarket. Choose the colour, style and shape that is you today. Adorning the light that you   Consider this tantric quote ‘Woman is the creator of the universe, the universe is her form; woman is the foundation of the world, she is the true form of the body. There is no jewel rarer than woman.’  Tick!
5. Take a no-plan time.You may choose to do a lot of things in this time, but not according to a list or a plan, but by completely following your energy in your flow. This is so restorative to the feminine essence. Tick!
6. Moving pleasure through your body. Take time and let pleasure ripple through your body, whether that is while eating chocolate or having an orgasm. Make it a whole body experience. Tick!
7. Dedicate your day to whatever matter most to you, from your devotional heart. Live your day in service to that devotion. Tick!

MASCULINE sexual essence

Shiva, the divine masculine power is the stillness, the non-changing awareness in everything.

Here are some effective ways to increase your masculine energy. Do one of these each day and don’t progress until you tick that one off! It could be done in as little as 10 mins a day.

1. Spending time with the guys. Hanging out with authentic men who have the courage to be vulnerable lights the masculine fire. Meet or call up a masculine friend and make a plan. Tick!
2. Challenge yourself physically. Do a quick workout that takes you to your edge and this will activate your masculine essence. Pushing your limits but not beyond them. Your stress reduces, sweat increases and so does your testosterone. Push-ups anyone? Tick!
3. Go for your goals. Setting goals and taking on challenges ups your masculine essence. Write down 10 goals and where you are up to with each one of them. Then pick your top 3 that align most with your purpose, to focus your priorities today. Tick!
4. Ajust your posture. A relaxed, aware posture creates inner confidence and strength. For 20 seconds breathe deep into the belly, then drop your shoulder blades down you back. Then relax your jaw and soften the front of your body and your organs. Expand to occupy more space with your presence. Do as needed. Tick!
5. Meditate. Use any method to unplug from the thoughts that clutter your mind, going deeper through meditation or mindfulness practices. Coming to stillness, tasting nothingness. Tick!
6. Increasing humour in your life will give you more detachment, energy and social impact. Lighten up yourself and others by sharing something funny and also loving. Tick!
7. Honour your word. Catch up and fulfill any promises you have made, or people you said you would call. Do what you can today and plan the rest. Tick!

Dive in and I’d love to hear how this week of essence works for you.

with love

Cynthia

The post Essential Masculine & Feminine Part 2 appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.