Do you want to be wanted, and magnetic to love with a partner or future partner? Many of us do, and yet it isn’t always how we feel or what is happening. Attraction wanes, sex dies off, our spark is squished. How to create (and keep) attraction alive eludes us a lot of the time.
When attraction works it’s a circular energy. Someone finds you attractive and desirable and then you feel more that way, you radiate and glow in the feminine, and feel more confident and stronger in the masculine.
In reverse, if your partner isn’t particularly turned on by you anymore, you can start to feel and be less attractive. For singles if they aren’t getting attention either online or in real life they can start to contract and then they receive even less attention.
It’s a natural downhill slide. How to interrupt that free-fall and let go into love instead?
1. Stand in your own essence and cultivate it.
Attraction happens when two opposite energies come together, the masculine and feminine essence, whether that’s in men or women. This can be a purely sexual attraction, but it is so much richer and more sacred when the attraction is to body, mind and spirit. We need to nurture and deepen our own essence. Be as alive, healthy and vital as you can be. And bring that to our relationships, over and over.
2. Trust that to attract others, you don’t have to be the same.
Becoming too much in the friend zone or the parenting zone with a partner doesn’t work to create or keep attraction. Friendship and trust are essential, but we need erotic mystery and differences to feel that magnetic zing and have deep union. It is not about ‘type’ or body shape, it’s about energy. We have preferences but they can fly out the window when we feel that attractive pull to the other. We can be equal and different. Be sensitive to, and open to, even worshipping our opposite.
3. Look for where the polarity is moment to moment in your relationship or date.
If things are feeling a bit flat or neutral, then what can you do in that moment? Pull back and leave a gap for the masculine to stand in? Offer appreciation to the feminine? Have humour, mystery, playfulness. Stop being rational or going on with dull talking. Be brave and try new things.
4. Take either a surrender role or a direction role
To have strong attraction one person needs to be either the ‘ravisher’ or be ‘ravished’. Let yourself go and trust one or the other and see what happens. Most people have a preference and it’s fun to play with this and swop it up a bit too. Can be while making love or on a coffee date.
5. Create endings and beginnings.
End the daily stuff and start the exciting stuff with a ritual, a poem, a look, a dress-up. Be bold, fearless. Activate the attraction regularly, don’t rely on it just happening as it takes skill and art to create and keep polarity.
We will be exploring and activating this in the Evening Workshop ‘How to Create (and keep) Attraction. April 6.