In our modern world there are unique challenges for singles. Online dating and the internet culture can be hard to navigate.  And its easy to get discouraged or depressed by no-show coffee dates, ghosting, rude online behaviour, even meeting nice people you are not really attracted to. But the desire for an intimate relationship doesn’t go away, it just gets buried in the “too hard basket.” Naturally it can take a while to meet someone right for you, online or offline. It’s important to keep your masculine consciousness and feminine radiance alive and strong.  These ways how to stay positive when single are helpful at any time.

1. Have a clear vision

A vision for relationship is not a laundry list of must-have qualities, hoops that a potential partner will have to jump through. It is a feeling and thought sense of what you want to create, an invitation to fulfilment. Your vision keeps you focused and open to what you really want. It aligns you and represents powerful choices for yourself. It is an essential part of the artistry of life. Keep it open and expansive, not narrow or rigid.

Create and revisit your vision every now and then to see if it’s till what you want. Allow it to happen.

2. Work on what is in the way of intimacy and love for you.

When you are in a relationship the work around intimacy will continue, so it is good to start now. For example, if  you are living a hermit lifestyle and dreaming of a sexy god or goddess in your bed, there are probably a few steps to take along the way. Like learning how to relate more openly to people in general. Come down from the mountain, come off your couch and engage, take risks, open your heart, give your gifts. This is how they will find you anyway.  

Or if you are seeking the perfect love, you would have to be a perfect and that is a lot of pressure to put on a tender meeting of two human beings. Are you being so careful, picky even, because you have been hurt in past relationships?  Whatever it is for you, if you work on your blocks to full heart-openness,  you will feel good and find a pathway opening up towards relationship.

So thoughts like ‘dating is awful’, there is ‘nobody out there for me’, people are just ‘users’ etc. are not true unless you make it so. Self-enquiry, therapy and embodiment practices, journalling and workshops are great ways to help with this.

3. Have boundaries that serve you.

Take your time getting to know a potential partner’s character before you leap in. And if something isn’t right, it isn’t right. Trust the energy in your body.  You don’t have to rush dating or sex – slow it down. It just makes sense to have the first few dates all about being curious and getting to know and enjoy each other. 

Sometimes people when dating ignore their own wisdom and do things they would not normally do, or accept behaviour they would not usually accept. Then the date or new relationship goes pear-shaped and sadly they have reinforced their negative beliefs and attitudes. If you find yourself doing this it’s great to be aware of it and risk speaking up with care, state your own needs and listen to theirs. 

Boundaries are meant to make it safe to fully engage with another, not walls to keep others out.

4. Show up as YOU – flaws and all.

Don’t try too hard. Perhaps you have tried so hard in the past to find a relationship and it still didn’t work. When you are being authentic you will feel more relaxed and your energy will flow more too. If you tend to behave how you think will make others will like you, it offers a false self that isn’t sustainable long-term.  And it is exhausting.  Dating does take some effort, but you don’t need to ‘try’.

The date unfolds naturally when you are being yourself and you are not focused on how you are being perceived. This frees you up to focus on the other person. If you are being yourself and your date is not interested, then they are not the right person for you. This way you stay with yourself whatever happens. It also makes you more attractive. The right person will be drawn to the real you. When you accept your flaws it helps the other person relax and be natural too. Both of you feel safe and your true essence can come through more fully.

Using these ways for how to stay positive when single will go a long way to keeping you happy and relaxed while dating. If you are out there doing it, you are already doing well. You are a risk taker and a courageous person.

If you are unable to become positive again you may need some help to shift past experiences. Reach out for support so you can be available for love. Sessions and workshops are a great reset for singles to move forward towards a relationship.

Love

Cynthia

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Sacred sexuality is a different approach to lovemaking . Comparing it to ordinary sex is like comparing junk food with gourmet. But many of us are not shown the path to sacred sex, or we think it’s not for ordinary relationships. We can make it more complicated than it needs to be.

Sacred sex, or tantric sex, is a deeply connected, relaxed, and beautiful experience. Imagine embracing the waves of sexual energy – both the highs and the lows – enjoying the “valleys” that ebb and flow instead of focusing solely on building up and up to the “peaks” of orgasm, ejaculation and release. This approach nurtures deep connection, more pleasure and brings joy and energy into everyday life.

Non-goal-oriented sex offers an antidote to the unrealistic expectations fostered by society’s performance-driven intimacy. By being present, sensitive to touch, and open to love, sacred sexuality deepens the bond with a partner. It also invites you to ride the waves of divine energy and immerse yourself in the present moment.

On the sacred sex journey you may experience multiple or whole-body orgasms, explore fantasies and kinks, and express a range of energies, from gentle and sweet to ravishing and wild. You can sense the divine in this form of lovemaking, and it deeply improves intimate relationships. Connection is the central most important thing in sacred sexuality.

In my research and experience, sex and love can bring up strong feelings and experiences. Not all are pleasurable, and old wounds and insecurities can arise. Sacred sexuality integrates all aspects of being—love and presence, emotions, sensations and vulnerabilities. By slowing down, being authentic, breathing deeply, and taking time, we can experience tremendous pleasure, heal some past traumas, and create deep, meaningful connection. Sacred union also allows the natural polarity of masculine and feminine energies to express themselves organically.

The Path to Having Sacred Sex: Solo or Partnered

1. Set Aside Time: Make intentional time for lovemaking without distractions. Even if it’s once a week it will make a difference. Gourmet sex, like a gourmet meal, takes time to savour and enjoy. Also, she generally needs more time than him to get fully aroused.
2. Create a Sacred Space: Design a beautiful, simple, sensual, private and erotic environment. Or just light a scented candle and turn off your phones if that’s all you have time to do.
3. Eye gazing: During lovemaking softly maintain eye contact to dissolve the sense of separateness. Come back to it again and again.
4. Breathe Deeply: Take some full, deep breaths occasionally to anchor yourself in the moment and spread the erotic energy through your whole body not just focused in erotic zones.
5. Synchronize Breathing: If partnered, gently match your breath with your partner’s and feel the oneness.
6. Heart Connection: Place your right hand on your partner’s heart centre and your left hand on your belly. If solo, place your hands on your own belly and heart. Breathe fully and deeply.
7. Go Slow: Don’t be in a rush to take it anywhere, rather let the bodies have their own wisdom. Let the energy guide you. Move slowly, then allow the passion to flow naturally. Pause often to stay connected to yourself, your partner, and the divine current.
8. Feelings: Welcome feelings and emotions as part of the experience, you don’t have to understand or solve them, let them be there and breathe, relax and they will move through you, opening the door to deeper pleasure and closeness.
9. Feedback and debrief: It’s ok to gently talk or journal about your experiences – keep it to “I” statements, they are easier to hear. We can all improve.

The Polarity of Masculine and Feminine Energies
Sacred sexuality embraces the polarity of masculine and feminine energies. The union of Presence and Love is a natural and exquisite experience.

The magnetism is expressed in many ways and this is an overview: the masculine sex centre is a positive pole (penetrative), while the feminine sex centre is a negative pole (receptive). The feminine heart centre is a positive pole (penetrative) and the masculine heart centre is a negative pole (receptive). This creates a circuit of energy.

For example, a loving and penetrative penis can awaken the feminine sexuality and send energy upward into her heart. Her awakened heart, in turn, energizes the masculine heart, completing the circuit by sending energy back to his sex centre. When both partners are attuned, this flow occurs naturally and profoundly. He enters sacred sexuality through the sex centre and she enters it through he heart.

This is why expecting the masculine to only be in the heart centre or Love, or the feminine to only be in the sex centre or Sex doesn’t work.

Reflection and Integrity
Reflect for yourself: What excites you about sacred sexuality? What fears or hesitations do you have?

As you deepen your practice of sacred sexuality, your personal power grows. It is essential to pair this growth with integrity, using these energies wisely and always in service of love.

Sacred sexuality is a journey toward profound transformation. You may need help to move in this direction, don’t be afraid to reach out to attend a workshop or do sessions.

Love

Cynthia

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The beginning of the New Year is a good time for some forward movement in our lives and relationships. Not by pushing and prodding ourselves to do better (that didn’t work last year anyway, right) but by a sweet and clear reflection on what you want and need.

It sounds simple but many of us are disconnected from what we truly want. We are too busy living up to our ideals of perfection or stimulated by social media to desire what other people have. We are not connected to the needs of our own essence. And we can miss a vital understanding how an imbalance between security and sizzle can stop us moving forward.

Stop and take a moment to consider – do your life, relationships or dating feel the same old same old, secure maybe but a bit dull? Nothing new happening, or no spark? Or do they feel on shaky ground? Always changing and maybe exciting but throwing you into feeling off centre or see-sawing emotionally? Either way there isn’t much expansion or real change.

If you are in an intimate relationship, it is important to find a balance between security and sizzle, safety and risk. Too much security can lead to boredom and stagnation. While too much risk and spontaneity can lead to chaos and instability. On one hand, security is a necessary foundation for a relationship. I find couples who constantly threaten to leave or end their relationship when things go wrong never create a base to move forward with a sense of trust and reliability. They don’t feel safe and supported within the relationship, so they tend to not be vulnerable and open with each other, which makes the relationship painful, and so the cycle keeps going. When they stop throwing the relationship under the bus when the going gets tough, then they have more stability, and the relationship improves.

On the other hand, spontaneity and change are also important for keeping a relationship fresh and alive. It allows us to explore new aspects of ourselves and our partnership. Spontaneity helps to keep the erotic spark alive and keeps the relationship from becoming too predictable. I often hear long-term couples saying that they love each other very much but there is no desire anymore, no attraction. There can by several reasons for this, but a common one is they have neglected to take some risks, to celebrate their differences, to have adventures, and consequently are stagnating in their relating.

The key to finding balance between security and sizzle is to be present and attentive to the needs of the relationship and to be open to making adjustments to find the right balance. This requires a level of awareness, being present with ourselves, and with our partner, and to be willing to be flexible and adaptable in order to create a relationship that is both secure and spontaneous.

What does your relationship need? How can you bring in more spontaneity and excitement? Or do you need more trust and stability in your relationship to enable it to grow in love and freedom?

If you are single and dating you need the same clarity. Are you just going down a familiar but safe routine of the same old friends, the same social outings, the same old criteria of who you will consider as a potential partner? Nothing suprising can get in past your protections. Or do you chop and change frequently, always in the vibe of the new and never stopping long enough to let commitment form or trust grow? Also a form of protection.

What do you need to change this year? Do you need more steadiness or more silliness? If you are online dating review your profile and see if you are coming across as too dependable and possibly boring. Yes, you may be an accountant who likes watching reruns of the Simpsons but have you also included you are passionate about love? Or the opposite – do you look like lots of flirty fun to be with, a good lover for a night but not a life partner?  You’ve listed all your favourite cocktails but what about the loyalty you have to the causes you support and for your friends? Adjust according to what you need and want. If you don’t like who you are attracting, what are you putting out there?

The same applies to our lives in general. To move forward we need a balance of security and planning with spontaneity and flow. Too much security and we become rigid, dry, stuck. Too much spontaneity and we become purposeless, chaotic and even lost.

Which do you need more of this year? New skills and hobbies, adventures and change or getting grounded and creating a foundation to your life. Once you identify where you are and what you need, you can open a door to bringing more of that into your life on a regular basis.

We can also look at this balance through the masculine and feminine essences. If you want more trust and stability, bring in more masculine energy. If you want more intuitive playfulness, bring in more feminine energy. You can find out how to do that in my blog How to Increase Your Sexual Essence.

I am highly aware of this security/spontaneity dynamic when I facilitate sessions and workshops. We need safety to be able to take risks and be vulnerable, and we need the latter to experience ourselves and our beloveds with fresh eyes. Attraction is a combination of the two. It’s a finely tuned dance and once you understand the dynamics of it you can create great lives and relationships, that are secure and sizzle!

love

Cynthia

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The union of masculine and feminine is a wonderful meeting that can bloom in a couple’s relationship and intimacy.

Singles can learn how to attract a partner who is their reciprocal in the masculine and feminine energetic – and this is fulfilling and sexy!

In the post-pandemic era the trend towards online connection and isolation has made it generally harder for both singles and couples to find deep union, for different reasons. But it’s not impossible, as the examples below show.

One single man Josh* who I coached had been looking for a partner for over five years. He went on numerous dates via internet dating apps, but it never went beyond a second date. before long the women wanted to be ‘friends’ with him, telling him he was ‘a nice man’ and easy to talk to. But Josh didn’t need more women friends, he wanted a lover and a partner.

The majority of single people are not meant to be a balanced 50/50 of masculine and feminine energies, fully independent, with no need of their opposite essence. How dull would that be? In my work I support singles to reconnect with their own core essence. To bring out their own feminine radiance, beauty and flow. Or to honour and express their core masculine confidence, integrity and purpose.

In our sessions together he was able to identify that he did have a core masculine energy. However his past fears and experiences led him to hide his masculine essence. Some of this was from childhood relationship with his father, some from his adult experiences of rejection. Josh felt safer presenting more of his flowing, feeling side and wanted his partner to lead. So he wouldn’t make mistakes and be rejected further. But this meant he wasn’t very attractive to women with a more feminine essence, who don’t want to primarily lead from their own masculine in their intimate life.

Josh learnt to honour his own core essence and his authentic needs. This led to him being happier with himself. Soon he was able to make real connections with women, being in his masculine energy,  with the ability to be in his feminine energy as it felt right. And over several months,  he met a woman with who he was able to build a strong relationship, based on the art of polarity, the art of intimacy, love and freedom.
……

Recently I also worked with a couple in their early forties*, he is an IT consultant, she is a successful, busy entrepreneur. They both work remotely from a small home and juggle childcare of their two young children between themselves and a centre. They don’t have family support close-by. The 24/7 proximity and the stress revealed the fault lines in their relationship, creating a lot of conflict. This is where they at when they reached out to me. As we explored what was going on, it also became clear that they had become ‘neutral’ energetically.  They had no differentiation of individual selves, except in their worklife. And no differeintation of masculine and feminine energies, therefore no magnetic attraction and polarity between them. This had led to a lack of intimacy and passion.

There was love and care for each other, but the union of masculine and feminine had been lost. They were not ‘lovers’ anymore. Throughout the sessions they connected with this possibility again and realised they would need to risk a greater vulnerability between them. A willingness to trust that they could be more fully themselves, and share it with the other.

Barriers slowly dropped away and old resentments began to heal. They also made practical changes, and things opened up for them. Even in their cramped space and schedule they made time to nurture their own energy and bring that to each other. They supported each other in this as well. The conflicts reduced as their union became more central, a greater priority than financial growth or extra sleep. And they began to do things they enjoyed again.

Love
Cynthia

*the details of the people in these case studies have been changed or merged to protect their privacy

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Introduction

For sex and intimacy to develop we need time. Time put aside for dating, relationships and love making. And to make time in our busy lives for this, we need to value it. These 6 Sex & Intimacy Tips below will help you do that.

This is especially important at this time of the year as we head into Christmas holidays and there are many distractions.

Sex & intimacy are naturally delicious and nourishing aspects of our human lives, whether single or partnered.  Sadly, if sex and/or intimacy becomes difficult, problematic or a source of conflict or shame we start avoiding it, finding excuses to do other things. ‘Dating is just too hard these days’, ‘aren’t all couples the same when they have been together for years’, ‘We love each other but the sex is boring’. Even ‘I just don’t have the time’ and ‘I’m too tired’.

Many of these are actually protection from past hurts and disappointments, or not knowing what to do to improve your situation.

For couples who are together for many years, it is common for the sexual spark to lessen. However, if you see great sex and deep intimacy as expendable in your relationship, things can get very functional and boring, and you can start to drift away from each other.

Many singles are happy in their lives already, so the effort and time needed to start a new relationship can be daunting. It is good to be honest about what you most want and align your actions with that.

Keep in mind that in the dance of masculine and feminine, if intimacy turns into familiarity, which turns into the friend zone, you can find it harder to have the lover energy present. It will take some effort and skill to recharge the spark.

 6  Sex and Intimacy Tips

• Your body is a temple of love and freedom, so treat it with respect and care. It starts with you. Release body tensions through massage and exercise before you come to the love making encounter.
• Deep intimacy with yourself becomes the offering to your partner or future partner. Spend time alone to nurture your own essence. Know what you truly want and are ready to give.
• Sacred sexuality is one of the most powerful energies. When sex is used not only for pleasure and procreation, but for creating more love and awareness. Have this as your intention and attitude in relationship and dating.
• Make time for intimacy and lovemaking. Date nights do matter, so schedule them in your calendar now. Ask yourself – how much time per week do I/we need to achieve the level of openness and connection we/I want? Same for making time to meet new people if you are single.
• Slow sex is a good idea as generally it takes longer for the feminine to become aroused and fully open. Once there she can last longer so timing is important. Once you have made time for sex and intimacy, there is no rush.
• Appreciate the differences of masculine and feminine essence in sex and intimacy. The masculine is more sex-orientated, the feminine is more intimacy orientated. Both are paths to the same deep union.

 Love

Cynthia

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With the current pandemic, we have restrictions on how we live and work. With the Easter holiday starting, these Coronavirus – Couples and singles tips for lockdown or isolation will be especially helpful.

FOR COUPLES

If you are a couple suddenly together in isolation then you may be running into some problems. Old patterns and conflicts resurfacing, sexual issues unresolved. In this crisis is an opportunity to find the deeper love and freedom between you, and create new possibilities.

We need space in intimate relationships to feel the pull of attraction, and that physical and emotional space is in short supply right now. Roles that were somewhat fixed are now all mixed up together. Partner, parent, lover, cook, carer, teacher – they no longer have defined space, and you have to be flexible. Having your own separate life and then meeting up at the end of the day has gone for many couples. We also need difference for attraction to happen.

Suddenly what was mildly irritating in your partner before, can be so frustrating at this time. Criticism and withdrawal, fighting and aggression can get amplified when stuck together in a tense, anxious time. Sexuality can diminish too. Boredom is a risk factor!

Disasters historically create more marriages and more divorces. Whatever is already present in the relationship is intensified. But there are small ways to make a big difference and improve, enhance your relationship. If  love and trust are your foundation, these tips will help.

What helps?

·      Take the time to know your own needs and communicate about them calmly and ongoingly. They will change. Listen to theirs and have space to receive their needs and wishes, even if you can’t fulfil them.

·      Sort out separate spaces in your house or apartment that are private, even if in the same room. An imaginary or real “do not disturb sign” is to be respected when in that space.  Deliberately spend time apart that is not just work time, or time with children.

·      Plan at least once a week, like Saturday night or Sunday morning to have time apart and then come together. (Put the kids in front of a fascinating movie if necessary.) Increase your masculine or feminine essence while apart, before you meet.

·      To cultivate feminine essence enjoy sensual, opening activities like a warm bath, a walk to open your senses (not just exercise), feel, dance, chat with friends. Practice surrender and flow.

·      To cultivate masculine essence be intentional, meditate, do a challenging workout, be online with men. Practice depth and direction.

·      Come together after this time alone and feel the polarity between you. Don’t try and pull them into your mode, enjoy the difference and offer love through your essence. This may be sensual, sexual or communing your way. Direction and surrender together creates polarity. The more the masculine one holds the container, the more the feminine one will relax. You can also play with swapping these energies and see what happens.

·      Sleeping alone occasionally increases polarity and attraction for many couples, but not if this feels too hard at this time.

·      Play, surprise, gift your partner. Be spontaneous. Fully dress up for a meal occasionally.

·      Offer a range of energies to each other, from light to dark, gentle to fierce, always through the heart to serve love. It is energising to dance and play with anger and frustration.

·      Give up the desire to be right. You may have very different views on the pandemic crisis and how it should be managed. Feel your heart and the heart of the other, beyond right and wrong. Choose love.

·      Know that many people are under the stress of difficult emotions. You are not responsible for what the other is feeling, and yet we are interconnected. Be compassionate but don’t be the rescuer. Rather empower them to work it out for themselves.

·  Do activities together that are bonding and blissful for both of you. Outdoor nature adventures where allowed, massage, playing silly games, sexually be adventurous. Don’t be together just for chores and admin or watching screens.

These Coronavirus – Couples and singles tips for lockdown –  are also good general wisdoms to follow at any time.

FOR SINGLES

If you are single, surprisingly the pandemic can be a very good opportunity to try new options, reset and reconnect with your vision for relationship.

The coronavirus regulations can be affecting you in very different ways. Some people are happily taking a break from dating and getting on with life. Others are yearning for relationship and envious of the couples who are physically close right now. Some are feeling sexually frustrated and unsure how long they can last alone. Couples who split up recently are dealing with strong grief as well as unfamiliar isolation.

If you relied on your community and friends for loving touch and connection, it is hard to replace, unless you are in a shared household. Virtual community is helpful, but it is not the same.

This is a potentially confusing time to be dating and looking for a partner or a lover. Do you have to resign yourself to being single and/or celibacy?

What helps?

·      If you have been reluctant to try online dating, or even given up on it, this is a chance to try it without too much commitment involved. Online dating starts as usual with winks and swipes and messages. Now instead of progressing into real life meetups, people are opting for virtual coffee dates and meals. The positive thing is that it gives you time to relax and build a connection. Also, to discern if the other person is right for you before the cascade of romance and sex hormones take over. One dating app has even created romantic backdrops for your virtual zoom dates!

·      A word of caution though – if you spend a lot of time building an online relationship as it provides good company during this time, you can find it falls apart when you do meet up physically. So, same as in real life, don’t put everything into the one connection until you are sure it’s what you want.

·      Deciding to take a deliberate break from dating can be an empowering option. Then you  can use the social isolation to prepare for future relationships by growing as much as possible.  A great time to reassess your vision for relationship, deal with your issues, raise your vibration and meet someone of a different calibre when isolation ends. What do you really need and want in an intimate relationship? And what will the person you want, be looking for?  If you are currently a ‘couch potato’ searching for an amazing god or goddess, will they be interested in you?

·      What would you like to master in your life? Having a new skill or creative expression, a fitness goal etc will be beneficial. Especially for the masculine essence a challenging goal will keep you digging deeper into focused awareness. This is a time to do that, to be fulfilling yourself and moving forward. What was your childhood dream?

·     Take lots of time to be outside if you can. Walking, swimming, bike riding etc. Waving, smiling, connecting with others at a distance all helps rise your spirits.

·     Loving touch can be self-given. Warm up some massage oil, or whatever you have at hand, and apply it with awareness and sensual touch, all over the body. Breathe and enjoy the sensations. If it feels sexual you can move into self-pleasuring.

·      Give from your unique sexual essence. It does not need to be given solely in a relationship. Others need your feminine radiance, love and feeling nature. Who can you shine on today? Or your masculine direction and guidance, your trustability. Who can you create safety for today?

…………………

Whatever our situation we have the freedom to respond with gratitude, openness and resilience. And it is essential to reach out for help if we need it at this time.

I hope these – Coronavirus – couples and singles tips for lockdown – make your time more passionate, loving and exciting.

with love

Cynthia

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These online dating tips for men will help you to express your confidence, and attract a great partner who is right for you.*

Many of my single male clients are initially reluctant to try online dating. Either they have a preference for meeting women in daily life, or they have tried it in the past and given up. However, in Australia half of all relationships start online, both through dating sites or social media. It is no longer a stigma to say you met online, as its now normal. And it is a good place to meet singles.

It’s also a good place to get scammed as 30% of scams are romantic and online. So please be aware – if they seem unreal or too good to be true then they probably are! And some people can play on your ‘knight in shining armour’ tendencies so please don’t rescue anyone.

So, have you decided to jump in and start dating online, or ready to start again for a fresh experience?

Be aware that meeting a great partner isn’t likely to happen in a week on Tinder or Bumble or RSVP. You must not give up after a few mediocre dates or even a bad experience. Thats life, and the following online dating tips for men can make your experiences much easier, more fun and successful.

Online dating tips for men

1. Profile

Magnetic attraction between the masculine and feminine essence works the same online as in face to face. So, if you want to attract your desirable feminine the first step is for your ‘profile’ to project your masculine essence.

Calling yourself a ‘boy’ or ‘lonely’ in your profile name is generally a turn–off to those who want to partner a confident man. You may truly be lonely or lost, but it’s not attractive at first look.

Women reading your profile will be drawn to your presence, authenticity, values and a mix of security and adventure. A man who loves and honors women is very attractive. As is a man with a sense of mission, especially one in service to others.

Women are bored by the ‘I love beach walks, sports, surfing, red wine etc.’ It’s what every other guy is writing and it won’t get you dates. Write a profile that tells who you are through real–life examples, rather than long lists of your successes, qualities or activities. Don’t be afraid to be quirky, heartfelt and in the moment.  Humour works too.

Less is more. Using too many words in your profile will make women feel like they are chatting to a girlfriend rather than being drawn to a man. On the other hand, sparse information, or an incomplete profile and you will look careless or lazy.

Don’t use any negative comments about women in your profile. Even if you have been scammed, hurt, or disappointed, don’t write or talk about it. And saying you want a woman with ‘no baggage’ decodes to ‘he can’t handle me being emotional.’ Swipe.

Be adventurous, be a warrior for love.

2. Photos

A primary photo about chest height, where you look directly into the camera or slightly to one side will be a major draw card. Wearing sunglasses looks untrustable, and women want more than anything to feel you are a trustable man. It’s a fact that many men put up fuzzy photos of themselves, with a grim expressions as they take a selfie looking into the bedroom mirror, with poor lighting and a lot of mess in the background. A naked torso says you are either showing off your bod or you want sex – not going to attract the sort of woman you want for a relationship.

Photos that are of you with your plane, and bike, and motorbike, and boat, that you probably think will impress her, can look like you are obsessed with your toys. One is ok to show you are a man of action. No alcohol in the photos, or you look like you a boozer, even if it was just at Christmas.

She doesn’t want date your dog(s) or your children or grandchildren so keep them out of your pics.

Have a close friend or two look at your profile photos and give feedback.

2. Criteria

Online dating and flicking through profile after profile can lead to the mind being too judgmental, or mentally sitting back with a list that no-one can live up to. Having a rigid set of criteria for a partner is a barrier. In person, when we meet someone at work or socially, we feel their whole being and how our heart resonates with theirs, as well as alignment and chemistry. Do the same online – be open to the connection, the attraction, the shared values and vision.

A general mistake men can make is looking for a woman the same as them, who loves the sports they love, likes the same music etc. You can do these things with your mates. It’s more important to have a loving, full woman who will enrich your life in surprising ways. And if she wants to climb Everest with you that’s a bonus!

If you say you are only looking for a woman ten years younger than you it looks like you are either a jerk or can’t handle a woman your own age. Likewise, dictating too many things you want is a turn-off. Online dating is not dial-up a pizza where you order the base and the toppings, it’s merely a place to have an introduction to many women, so you can find one you are attracted to, in body, heart and soul.

3. Progress it

Don’t spend too much time on emails or texts, progress quickly to a phone call or a coffee date. Giving her your number first is a good idea as this creates safety for her. Ask her to call or text you if she would like to.

The woman will be happy for you to move it forward. Sensitively. Many emails back and forth without you proposing a next step, will start to bore her. Expecting her to contact you when she is free is too vague and lacking in masculine initiative. She won’t be attracted by this and will rarely contact you to make a date. Better if you ask her for some available times, pick one and go for it.

If they are long distance contacts be wary of investing months of connecting (aka projecting) before you meet up in person.

4. Dating

Start with a coffee date rather than at a bar, and if you like each other it can progress. If the attraction is not there then you have invested only thirty minutes of your time, and it doesn’t drag you down. Use any date fruitfully as you can be kind, learn about others and gain more clarity about who is right for you.

For the first few dates it’s best if you can plan the outings, being sensitive to her wishes and needs. Be clear and simple about the time, place etc. and exchanging contact numbers. Arrive early so you can check out the scene, relax and be ready to meet her.

She will feel your masculine direction and ability to create a safe ‘container’ in which she can relax and enjoy her feminine essence. She will feel you have gone to an effort and that you are interested in her. Also, it is best if you pay initially, as friends split the bill. If she refuses to let you do this then don’t push it. It may mean she isn’t attracted to you, or it might just be her style.

And listen, and listen some more! The ‘peacock syndrome’ where you want to show off to her, is a turn off to most women. It’s instinctual for a man but women don’t want to spend an hour listening to a stranger talking about themselves, and this is very common in online dating. Yes, really! It’s great to tell her things about yourself, but being more interested in her will be so much better. If you are lacking an audience, chat to a friend before your date, so your need is met, and you can have a back and forth lively, flirty chat with your date.

And once you start dating the fun begins! And even when you think you have found your ‘soulmate’, it’s a good idea to keep dating other women until the one you want says yes to you.

I hope these online dating tips for men will smooth your path to success.

With love

Cynthia

*This article was originally a guest blog for The Confident Man website.

The post Online dating tips for men appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

The Living Love workshops resolve issues and problems in intimate relationships. And beyond that focus it take us further into deeper, sacred connection when we explore and embody masculine and feminine essence and differences. Then what goes wrong can come right.

Men and women come to the Living Love workshops with different problems, goals and longings. They may have relationship issues to solve, intimacy skills to learn, curiosity (and frustrations) about their opposite.

Our personal wounding, fears and doubts, all lead to habitual contractions and self-protections. These restrict the flow of energy and love available for self and others.. These patterns and protections sadly create what we fear and this keeps us stuck in painful patterns and cycles that keeps spinning.

Those with a feminine essence often have protection and wariness from past hurts and deep disappointments in relationships. In the face of betrayal or not being loved fully they can start to think they are ‘too much’ or ‘not good enough.’ Or they become overly critical of the masculine as a way to distance themselves and stay ‘safe’. Their claim their partner is ‘not loving them enough’ or in the ‘right way’. They unconsciously believe that by withdrawing, not being vulnerable, or numbing their feelings, they will be safer. Actually in the context of love and intimacy vulnerability is a primary energy that draws the masculine into relationship. She always suffers from lack of love in relationship.

Those with a masculine essence can be wary of commitment, concerned about the lack of freedom in relationship. They may not yet be connected to the authentic depth of freedom and awareness inside themselves. Or they are not mature enough to have realised the freedom that comes from deep commitment and integrity, in responsibility. They can be lacking confidence about their masculine energy and wondering how to find love and support from a great woman. Or by becoming lost in the feminine, lost in their own doubt, they can become less trustable, even becoming a ‘pleaser’ disconnected from his own core. He can even become rejecting and dismissive, withdrawing, as a means of protection. And yet there is a deep need to be met by the feminine.

In the workshops the ways in which these issues. and others, are resolved is of course different for each person. And yet there are threads of understanding that are similar. When the feminine connects to her own love and beauty and values it, then she relates to the masculine from a very different place. She is sitting deeply in herself, allowing her flow of feelings and her vulnerability. Anger and tears and deep yearning may be expressed, and in the workshops they are received and heard by the men.

For many women this is very healing, to be loved and accepted by the masculine as she is. In her feminine essence, vulnerable, alive, powerful, fiercely loving. And as she experiences the masculine meeting her, encouraging her in her full flow of energy, she realises and grounds into more of who she really is. She trusts herself and her love flows freely again.

For the masculine in the workshops he meets the trustable masculine in the other men and so gets a truer reflection of the nobility and power of his own masculine essence. He tastes the freedom in his being and how to deepen that within commitment and responsibility. From there he is able to be present more fully for the feminine, whatever she is feeling or thinking, without losing his own centre or taking it personally, which is what she yearns for and what brings out her devotional heart.

For him here is also the relief and delight of meeting the loving feminine heart. He is directly enlivened by her open feminine energy. Loving feedback from her gives him the right amount of challenge and direction to adjust and deepen himself. He becomes more trustable and starts getting different response from the feminine. He experiences polarity with the feminine that is wild and free, with deep integrity.

The practices, talks and sharings in the workshops are layered to allow the development of individual opening and deepening. For his and her core essence to be strengthened, and for the centre of an issue to reveal itself. A skilful balance of safety and risk provides a container that creates real shifts, and establishes a pathway for further transformation after the workshop. Problems are approached with creativity and heart to reveal love and creative intimacy.

Understanding Masculine & Feminine and what goes wrong and can come right, is not the only factor at play in relationships. Other understandings and skills are explored in the workshops, but it is extremely helpful for relationships to have that polarity and alignment.

with love

Cynthia

The post Masculine & Feminine – what goes wrong can come right appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.