When you stay connected to the inner compass of your Sacred Lover, you naturally thrive in intimacy. You become magnetic to love, and more real.

Think of these everyday situations:
• You don’t speak up about something important because you don’t want to “start a fight”.
• You downplay your feelings to avoid seeming needy or “too emotional.”
• You hesitate to follow a new opportunity or passion because you worry your partner won’t keep up, or the connection will shift.
• Or, when dating, you tone yourself down to seem “acceptable”, instead of showing who you really are.

It’s human to do this because often, we’re not just protecting ourselves – we’re protecting the relationship dynamic we’re familiar with.

Your Sacred Lover invites you to do the opposite: to risk letting your real self out.

It’s built on three simple elements:

• Intention – what you value in love and how you want to show up: e.g.with love, freedom, play, depth, curiosity, clear communication.
• Inspiration – the things that actually light you up and bring your relationships alive (spirit, touch, music, nature, movement, purpose, shared growth).
• Gifts – the essence and qualities you naturally are and what you bring to relationships: e.g. your humour, devotion, insight, warmth, steadiness, passion, fire, creativity, presence.

When these elements are alive, relationships feel more truthful and exciting. There’s less shrinking, and more energy flowing between you. Your Sacred Lover also brings the presence and freedom of the masculine essence, and the love and flow of the feminine essence into polarity. We have both masculine and feminine and most people have one essence as a stronger orientation.

I see this often in workshops:

A woman realises she’s been “easy going” in relationships, but her partner actually wants more directness from her, not less.
A man admits he holds back intimacy because he’s scared of being rejected – yet his partner has been longing for him to lead.
A single person notices they keep choosing people who don’t appreciate their vulnerability – and suddenly feels free to date like the full version of themselves.

These are small, human moments of awakening (and there are many more) – and yet they shift everything.

Our fear tries to protect us from discomfort, yet it also hold us back from deeper intimacy. It keeps us from being our Sacred Lover. But when we soften around fear with compassion, grounding, and presence, something opens. We become braver, clearer, more available. Beyond fear, we reclaim the ability to shape our relationships from love and freedom rather than protection.

When intention, inspiration and your natural gifts come together, your Sacred Lover becomes magnetic. Your love and life expands – whether that means deepening your current relationship or attracting someone who can actually meet you.

Here are a few simple reflections:
What inspired me today?
What do people consistently appreciate in me?
Where and what do I hold back in love – and what truth wants to be expressed instead?

Your Sacred Lover isn’t a spiritual concept. 
It’s the you that feels alive, embracing the light and the shadows.
The you that doesn’t shrink.
The you that love has been waiting to meet.

with love

Cynthia

The post Your Sacred Lover appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

Early on in my adult life I experienced some slow, sacred lovemaking, without knowing or defining it as sacred sexuality or tantra. I just felt that I entered into a transcendental energy. Years later it was spiritual teacher Osho that introduced me to the concept of tantra as an ancient philosophy and a spiritual path, the essence of which can be found in the Hindu religion, also in Tibetan Buddhism, and Taoism.

Originating around the 6th century, one core aspect of tantric philosophy is non-dualism, or the idea that everything is divine. Unlike many traditional religions or renunciate paths, tantra teaches that body and spirit are not separate. That the everyday world is not separate from the divine, but rather full of light. It is a life positive philosophy which encourages us to embrace everything and live life totally. This way the ecstatic reality of life reveals itself.

The body thus becomes a temple and a vehicle for transformation. Breath, yoga, diet, meditation, rituals and sexuality are part of traditional tantric spiritual practice, when done with the right intention.

Tantra is also generally about transformation in an all-inclusive way. Unknown to me I was already on this path.  Even when I struggled with fears or self-doubt, I had an intrinsic knowing that the divine was in all things. I couldn’t always unlock the code, but I had a yes to my direct experience. And that included sexuality.

 ……………

Sexual energy is procreation – fertility creates life. In some ancient cultures sexuality was revered as sacred for this reason alone.

Sexual energy is recreation – it potentially creates pleasure, satisfaction, and connection. A level of fulfilment can be gained.

Sexual energy is elevation – it potentially creates sacred union and enlightenment. A spirituality grounded in the body, not detached, but embodied. Sex as prayer, worship, oneness with the divine, with spirit. Tantric devotees believe sex can open doors to a state of enlightenment. If that is what one is seeking.

……………

My friend Ken and I went to art school together in Melbourne and shared an interest in conceptual art and Tibetan Buddhism. One day Ken gave me a book he had just read on tantra, and he loved it. It was ‘Only One Sky’ by Osho.

Starting the book late one afternoon, I stayed awake all night reading it. I felt I was receiving a direct transmission of truth through the book into my body. My awareness expanded and the idea of a deep celebration of life entered me.

I could feel a softer energy in my heart too. This awakening led me down a path of many years of devotion, relationships, and spiritual exploration. My partner and I were following Osho, and among other things attempting to let go of our sexual repressions. It didn’t mean we had an easy relationship all the time, but it was alive and rich.

Later we were also introduced to the teachings of an Australian spiritual guru, Barry Long. His approach to making love recommended non-orgasmic sex, with little or no foreplay, no imagination or emotions! The main sexual activity would be the penetration of a loving penis into a receptive vagina. According to Barry this would bring much needed masculine, noble love into the woman, and she would be healed from past sexual trauma with unconscious men, and release her love.

To me, Barry Long’s teachings on sexual union were fascinating, but they also seemed repressive, over the top,  and not inclusive of other sexual preferences. But I also felt that he was pointing to something deep in the sexual union. Our love making this way slowed everything down and allowed me to feel the valleys of sexuality, the waves of energy that ebb and flow. It brought deeper connection and more energy for our every day life. I would later move away from this type of tantra, but then it was helpful medicine.

In the West we have had several decades of neo-tantra which focuses mainly on the sexual aspect of tantra.* I was fortunate to meet the pioneers of neo-tantra in the early 90’s while producing and directing the movie Sacred Sex. This was exciting and eye-opening as they came from different backgrounds, from Osho disciples to an ex-porn star to traditional Indian tantrikas. I learnt a lot.

Meeting David Deida in the late 90’s expanded me personally and broadened my ideas of what could be included in relationship and sacred sexuality. There was a sense of coming home again. Coming home to my feminine essence, to being the love light, and living it in relation to the masculine. And the knowing that sacred sexuality can include foreplay, orgasms, kinks, and the expression of different energies from gentle to ravishing. Deida is a brilliant author and teacher and again I had an opportunity to further absorb his wisdom through making the video Sex Spirit Love.

My own experience over the years is that sacred sexuality is about integration of all that is, all that arises. Sex and love can bring up strong feelings and experiences. By taking time, slowing down, being vulnerable and authentic, breathing fully, we can integrate past traumas and negative experiences, and connect deeply with the other. And the natural polarity of masculine and feminine expresses itself in sacred union.

Today the idea of non-goal orientated sex is an antidote to the false expectations of pornography and performance sex. Being mindful in the moment, sensitive to touch, open to love, enjoying a deeper connection with your lover. Riding the waves of the divine current.

Sacred sexuality – solo or partnered – helpful beginnings

1.     Make time for lovemaking
2.     Create a sacred space – beautiful, simple, sensual, private, erotic
3.     Breath fully and deeply
4.     Synchronise your breath with your partner if you are with one and have prolonged eye contact – dissolve the separate selves
5.     Place your right hand on the others heart center, left hand on your own belly. Hands on your own belly and heart if solo. Breathe fully
6.     Deep slow kissing and whole body touching of yourself or the other if partnered
7.     Go slow with the love making until the energy moves you to go faster. Slow down often, staying closely connected to self, the other and the current of the universe. Let your passion flow.

Polarity of Masculine and Feminine in sacred sexuality

One aspect of polarity is that the Masculine sex centre and feminine heart centre are both positive poles (penetrative). Her sex centre and his heart centre are negative poles (receptive). This can create a circuit of energy between a couple. He can awaken her sexuality with a loving, penetrative penis, sending this energy up into her heart. Then she she can awaken his heart further with her loving heart. This energy then drops into his sex centre. And the circuit continues.

If we go quiet enough when connected, you can notice this is a natural flow.

Reflect for yourself – what scares you about sacred sexuality?  And what excites you?

Love

Cynthia
*When we practise sacred sexuality our personal power increases, and it is essential that our integrity increases too. We need to use these energies wisely and for the sake of love. 

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Singles and Couples, you have no doubt noticed there are different modes of being, feeling and communicating in relationships and dating. Essential masculine & feminine energies are all around us and in us.

The masculine essence is the part of us that is present, conscious, directional, with penetrative focus and clarity. He is motivated by freedom, purpose, awareness, achieving his goals.

The feminine essence is the part of us that is flowing, feeling, caring and changeable. She loves variety and is motivated by love, fullness, connection and creativity.

We all have both but most people have one essence stronger than the other, where they feel more at home. When we are in touch with our core sexual essence, there is a deep sense of alignment and self-understanding.

We don’t need to be ‘neutral’ to be spiritual, loving and aware beings. The desire for love and igniting the spark of sexual polarity is natural and part of living a sacred life. Opposites attract, and so do masculine and feminine. If you have a mostly feminine essence then you will find the masculine energy magnetic, and vica versa.

In relationship the union of masculine and feminine is this union of opposites that can dance together as equal but different. The allure is to the unknown other, not to what is the same as you.

Celebrating the different strengths, needs and gifts of masculine and feminine essences makes a relationship much more dynamic and sexier. Making this a priority may mean less time spent together in neutralising activities and tasks, in favour of having more aliveness and spark.

This also applies if you are single. From the initial contact online or on a date you are embodying and communicating who you are. Your masculine and feminine energies are attracting others. Or not. It is important to know your own essence and how to enjoy it and share it, so you can attract your opposite.

Sometimes our jobs and roles in life mean we need and use more directional, masculine energy or more flowing, feminine energy. At work we all usually use more masculine energy. In intimacy and dating, we want to be coming naturally into our core essence so we attract our opposite. One person does not have to hold the same energy all the time, it can change, however most people are more often at home in either masculine or feminine essence.

If you have a masculine essence then being magnetic to the feminine is about being rooted in your power and strength, inviting trust, being calm in the face of stress, yet ready to pounce into action as needed. It’s also about having a sense of nobility, service, humour and compassionate detachment from all the moods and struggles of life (and the feminine).

Being magnetic is also about the depth of your commitment to your life purpose and mission. Your presence and depth, combined with warm-heartedness and vulnerability is essentially what is sexy about the masculine. You don’t need to be great dancer, or the best-looking guy. If you are committed to staying steady while she weaves her magic storms and sparkles around you, you will be magnetic.

If you are a woman with a feminine essence, which is most women, then being magnetic to the masculine is about being in your body and heart with confidence, love, mystery and feeling. It’s about allowing your body and energy to move and flow.

Letting your heart shine open in an unprotected way, allowing your feelings, being unpredictable, and being more mysterious than rational. Your tears can be a gift of your heart as well as your smiles. Trusting your unique intuition and intelligence and gifting it to others. All of this is the bliss of the feminine and is very attractive and inspiring to the masculine.

The desire for love and the erotic union of masculine and feminine runs deep, and yet there is little teaching in how to achieve this. And what teaching or information we do have is primarily misguided.

We have been told that continual intimacy, complete honesty, and sharing everything with your partner makes for great relationship. But the truth is this doesn’t necessarily lead to igniting that spark of sexual polarity and passionate devotion that makes a relationship alive.

In fact, passion can be killed off in the cosy warmth of domestic life. The friend zone takes over, as can co-parenting. They are extremely valuable but there is more to your relationship. And talking about psychological problems together needs to be limited. It is useful at times for trust and understanding, but it doesn’t usually create polarity of desire and attraction.

This mystery and the pull of magnetic attraction can be created, maintained and nurtured within modern relationships.

I see how women want their men to be like their girlfriends, then they complain they are not manly enough. Men make their women into co-workers or buddies and wonder why the goddess no longer shows up. We cannot be everything to each other, it’s just not possible, or desirable. Look to your friends, family and the wider community to fulfil some of the needs and keep the relationship as the union of masculine and feminine essences. Of course, occasionally we can be all of these things to each other, but if we are depending on it all the time, it leads to frustration and disappointment, and it doesn’t have to be that way.

If you are dating and opening up to a new partner, then knowing how and when to magnify your own essence as an attractive force, and how to be spiritually sexy, is a great art to learn. Don’t give everything away, take your time, and let the energy build. Hold onto yourself and your essence, after all this is what is attracting the other to you.

I hope that Essential Masculine & Feminine Part 1 has been valuable to you. Part 2 will follow soon with more details and practical things you can do.

with love and trust,

Cynthia

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Losing Myself to Find Myself

In my youth I had a natural radiance and embodied vitality. I call it the ‘free radiance’ of young women. In my reproductive years I was in my feminine prime; strong, free, sexually alive. As I traversed fifty and beyond, the hormonal wheels slowed down and the fertility cycle eventually ended. I, and many female friends and clients, faced an emotional and physical challenge and an identity shake-up; a reshaping of how I see myself. I had to let go of old identities and embrace new, fresh perspectives. To find the true essence of sexual maturity.

As fertility declines the body changes, especially for women, and that affects our sexuality to different degrees. It is almost impossible to be prepared for that. Fortunately, these changes happen gradually and we have time to integrate and adjust. I found that the youth focus of our culture and the lack of dissemination of elders’ sacred wisdom can have a debilitating effect on sex, intimacy and love over fifty.

New Vigour and Creativity Emerges

I wanted to lean into my spiritual experiences, to the collective wisdom and also listen to my body so that I could embrace this transition as a sacred doorway to greater spirituality and fulfillment. As I climbed ‘over the hill’, I contemplated that I was entering the fertile ‘valley’ of tantric spirituality.

Over a few years this change does settle down and a new vigour and creativity emerges. I was even relieved at being free of the hormonal ‘drama’, clearer about my own needs and boundaries. And more powerful. Some women report having less interest in sex, for others it is the opposite. Or the desire to have a different type of sex and intimacy.

Cultivate Your Spiritual Foundation – Know Thyself

That is when my lifelong habits and spiritual practices came to the fore. I was fortunate to have a background in personal growth and Tantra and while the menopause years were not easy, I knew and had practiced for many years shining love through my body. To the best of my ability. My years studying the work of David Deida, sexuality author and teacher, plus other guides and mentors, taught me that our ability to be radiant love and deeply present are not dependant on any idea of perfection.

Image: Timur Romanov on Unsplash

However, in the realms of love, sex and intimacy as doorways to the divine, we benefit from embodied daily practice when younger. I didn’t really understand that until later. Initially, I was attracted to this opening into the divine, and in my usual style, dived straight in. It has not always been an easy path to follow. Now I may not be as radiant or wrinkle free as the younger me, but I can be wiser, kinder and sexier – more tantric in my approach to life and love.

As a woman with a predominantly feminine essence, the practice is to flow, breathe fully, open my body, let go and locate love. Whatever our gender, we all have both feminine and masculine aspects. For the masculine, the practice is to become more fully present, free and deeply aware, through the whole body.

I discovered that while men over fifty do not have the same decline in fertility as women, they do have a gradual decline of testosterone and can experience less sexual desire and ability. Together with the changes that women are having, this can affect sexuality, intimacy and relationships. Sexuality is fundamental to the sacred union of masculine and feminine, but over fifty years of age and beyond, it may not look like sex as we once knew it.

For men and women there can be physical issues that might need medical support and guidance. There are treatments, hormones, creams and pills etc. to assist older people in maintaining a healthy and connected sex drive. And the good news is that aging also pushes us into a natural flow of slower, more spiritual sexuality and deeper connection.

Psychologically, letting go of self-judgment is also challenging as our bodies can feel like they have ‘betrayed’ us. They haven’t, but they are naturally changing. However, our ability to slow down, breathe and be more fully in our bodies can actually increase with age. We are more likely to have the time and the inclination to ‘drop in’, to let go.

The Tango – The Dance of Synchronicity

This general change in men brings them more in sync with women. And women have long been available for prolonged foreplay and slower, more varied love making. As we come off the sexual ‘peak’ we are able to explore more the heart connection and the sexual subtleties of the ‘valley’. The next stage of tango can begin.

If we are able to take the performance pressure off our sexuality it can lead to longer, more relaxed love making sessions. And, if necessary, more ‘outercourse’ than intercourse. The usual paradigm of foreplay, arousal, penetration and orgasm may be off the menu for some, which hopefully leads to exploring new territory. Whole body massage and arousal, a sense of playfulness, slowing down and being in the moment. If we don’t focus on the way it used to be, we can be open to how it can be Now.

As he ages, the masculine can find himself discovering more of his feminine side, not needing to lead and direct so often. The feminine can also find herself post menopause in a more direct and focused energy. We have both feminine and masculine energies, but most people identify more with one or the other. The feminine essence in any gender is motivated by the flow of love and feelings, relationships, connection, community. The masculine essence is drawn to mission and purpose, directing the flow of energy, free from emotions. The predominance of one or the other can change as we go through different stages of our lives, but especially as we get older and our hormones change.

This can be a good time for the masculine to relax and sink deeper, letting go of some of the ‘doing’ and move more into ‘being’. At the same time for a woman it can be a very empowering time. Free of her hormonal cycle she can create what she wants and enjoy her life and sexuality with abandon.

For me, connection is the ultimate key to sexuality, love and intimacy. This intimate communion is deepened by embracing any limitations and changes each person is going through. It requires a flexibility and self-acceptance that develops over time. There is no quick answer, but it is helpful to know that many are in the same boat. And there are new ways of being together that will surprise you with their intensity and joy. Finally, we can focus on what is really important – being as one, the divine union and the aliveness of spirit in the body.

Peaks and Valleys

We have tended to see the ‘peak’ as the ultimate goal, the desirable summit, full of adrenaline and discovery. But for myself as I grow older, there are still some peaks of course, but the treasures and the pleasures of the valley are more enticing.

I have been partnered and single in these years over fifty. And in both circumstances, I found it essential to keep my sexual energy alive and my heart open. The tools we can all use are varied and include emotional intelligence, movement, meditation, healthy lifestyle, self-pleasuring, deepening into your masculine and feminine essence, breath work, pelvic opening and self-inquiry.

I had to find courage to be honest about my own changes and needs. Being willing to find the loving way through, without giving up, develops closeness and resilience in relationships.  The rewards, if we push through that barrier, can be astounding; the intimate sharing and revelation of our vulnerabilities can unlock our hidden sacred depths. In the valley we find ourselves, each other and the pure union of togetherness and oneness.

I trust this article will support you in discovering the true essence of sexual maturity for you.

love

Cynthia

First published on Uplift Connect: https://upliftconnect.com/the-true-essence-of-sexual-maturity/

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Once you understand the basic nature of masculine and feminine essences and polarity, it is much easier to activate sexual passion and sexual polarity now.  In 30 seconds, or a little longer, you can activate your own sexual essence, alone or with a partner. This is how to amplify your essence when you only have a few minutes to do so.

Solo – for Him – sexual polarity now

* set a courageous intention for your day and take one action towards it.
* breathe down into your lower body, full and deep. Front and back.
* connect to the earth through your feet and root yourself into the ground.
* eye gaze at yourself in the mirror, without moving.
* take a warrior stance that is powerful for you, and hold it while breathing deeply.

Solo – for Her – sexual polarity now

* lift your arms and make a sphere around your body with your hands in a light, flowing way.
* place your hands on your womb and sink down into it, eyes closed.
* move your body wildly, prow and growl.
* do something you have never done before.
* in a private space stroke your own body as a lover would, feeling it.                                                                                     *touch the fabrics in your clothing, your wardrobe or in a shop. Enjoy the feel.

Couples – for couples who trust each other – sexual polarity now

Fundamentally sexual polarity is about one person occupying a masculine directional energy and the other person a surrendered feminine energy. These practices are for couples who have agreement about exploring masculine and feminine essence in a loving way.

For Him
* give her your undivided attention with full presence, with the attitude of worshipping her.  *direct her with your loving guidance to do something that benefits her.
* admire and verbally appreciate her body, her shape, her look, her sexiness.
* have a hot, fragrant bath ready for her when she gets home. Then leave her alone, wait.
* press her against the wall, lovingly, gently but firmly, so she has no choice but surrender.

For Her
* acknowledge him as your handsome hero, naming how he supports you.
* flirt with him, make no sense, be illogical, mysterious.
* show him your naked body when he doesn’t expect it, and then drift away….
* offer your feminine flow and bodily movement to evoke his presence.
* give him pleasure in the way that he likes.

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

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Worship – “the act of giving worth to something”. What is the connection between worship and sexual essence – feminine.

When we hear the term ‘worship the divine feminine’ it may sound inspiring, strange or even intimidating. How can we worship another human being? One who may seem anything but divine if she is tired, critical, moody or down on herself. And could it even be seen as submissive or accepting things that are not acceptable to you?

“worship is not therapy”

Worship is not about solving psychological or relational problems. The is best done in sessions with a therapist. Worship in our relationships is uplifting and takes us into the luminosity of the sacred. This worship is given in love and trust, not as an unhealthy personality pattern. Each will feel very different.

In fact, worship of the divine feminine, the mother goddess and other archetypes, has been practiced since very early civilisation.  In ancient India yoni worship or puja is a form of devotion in Tantric spirituality. Yoni is a Sanskrit word for female genitals and womb. It’s wider meanings include being a symbol of Shakti, the supreme feminine energy. The creative force that gives birth and animates the whole universe.

This worship is not personal, it is transcendent. And yet we are a physical embodiment of the divine.

…………………

“ultimately it is the shine of her full, open, loving heart”

The feminine essence thrives when she is fully seen, appreciated and yes worshipped. Not as a boost to her ego, or some form of narcissism, in fact quite the opposite. It is a sacred art of fully seeing her, a real honouring of her beauty, her radiance, her body, her pleasure, her infinite love and compassion. Seeing the ‘goddess’ in her.

There is her unique feminine shape, sensual skin, sexy vibes, mysterious beauty. But ultimately it is the shine of her full, open, loving heart that matters. And this is ageless and can shine through every body.

In fact, the more she is seen, the more she shines.Seen not as an object of sexual need, or a projection of a divine ideal, but seen truly as the divine feminine  living in her.

 “appreciate her kick-ass sexiness”

Appreciation.  Firstly, look for what is beautiful, what she is showing you, what you delight in. This is best done when it is her inner and outer beauty. In a young woman you may appreciate her youthful radiant glow, but also see her depth of heart and the wisdom she is growing into. In a mature woman you may see her wisdom, but also appreciate her kick-ass sexiness, her persistence in love, her playfulness.

Worship is the next step, and a little riskier, needing more full surrender. Worship means going beyond fear and self-consciousness and worshiping her core feminine essence. The aspect in her that reflects the divine feminine, that is the divine showing up in her human form.

It is not about boosting her ego or compensating for her self-doubt or an inner critic. Rather it’s a deep recognition of the love, beauty, power and bliss shining through and in her.

“this fully releases her love-light”

Men – how to worship her?

Preparation For the masculine, he is aware and present, with both wide and focused awareness to truly worship the feminine. If he is focusing in on one of her qualities, at the same time he can practice being aware of the whole of her, and her connection to the divine source. When he can be her equal and worship her as an equal, without restraint or contraction, this fully releases her love-light.

However, if he is needing from her this will not be worship that she can freely trust. So prepare to meet the goddess fully by taking time out to meditate, listen to your spiritual inspirers, do physical embodiment practices, whatever makes you more present and grounded in your body and your self.

Speaking about her beauty is good. Many men, or those with masculine essence, hold back for fear of seeming inauthentic or even manipulative. This is understandable but as we find in the Living Love workshops, most women, or those with feminine essence, thrive on being sincerely seen for their beauty and love. What for the masculine would be way too much praise, for the feminine is just the beginning. If a woman is resisting praise it is often due to having the wrong sort of attention in her past. So, it may take some time for her to trust you, and herself.

Most of the great love poets are men, so reading up on a few of their efforts can offer lessons in how to appreciate a woman’s beauty of form and heart. Going past your reticence or fear and offering this to the feminine will be a good learning in the art of worship and sacred polarity. See what ands, and what doesn’t. Try again, try something different.

Even a simple ‘Wow you look beautiful!’ can go a long way. Many women feel starved for being seen, even those in a loving relationship. When this happens, she starts to become closed, and her glow fades and diminishes. She swallows her disappointment for the sake of the relationship, and she is not fully given or received.

“wild ravishment can also be sacred”

Then there is touch. The way you touch her can immediately convey your worship. Sacred doesn’t mean always being gentle, wild ravishment can also be sacred. If you are absent-mindedly touching her, she feels it. If you are devouring her from need, she feels it. When you are worshipping her for the sake of love, doing your best to be fully present in your touch, telling her without words that you feel and see her innate shakti life force in every cell of her beautiful body, she feels it and responds.

Sexually her yoni is the receptive polarity and if she is ready and fully trusts you, then you can penetrate her with your worship and deep love.

……………

If you currently don’t have a partner, worship of the divine feminine can be offered to every woman in your life, in appropriate ways. This can be given silently as an inner bow, if that has the most integrity. It can be a sweet recognition of her feminine energy that she brings to you, to life.

It can also be done as a more general practice and attitude. Go back over your past relationships and worship what you were given by the feminine, even if there are other hurts, focus on the gifts for a time. Write it down if that helps you focus. It is powerful medicine. What you look for in the feminine is what you see. And what you will see.

…………….

“first step is honouring your own feminine essence”

If you would like to be worshipped for your feminine essence in relationship, how do you attract a partner who wants to do that?

First step is honouring your own feminine essence. Not putting yourself down in negative self-talk. Not giving up on your own radiance and magnetic energy. Doing things that enhance beauty and love. Honouring other women for their feminine essence.

Second is worshipping the masculine essence. Seeing the divine in your partner, in all men.

I have written about that in the blog ‘Worship and Sexual Essence’ – Masculine.

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

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Worship – “the act of giving worth to something”.  How do we integrate worship and sexual essence – masculine, combining the sacred and the ordinary?

Recently I saw a ‘shiva lingam’* in nature. On a wild beach a branch was set upright into a tree trunk base. It was a powerful symbol and I felt spontaneously moved to adorn it. I arranged a swirl of dried grasses around the base, and then threaded together beautiful seaweed branches, dry and pliable, into a small sculptural offering. A fragile, luminescent shell in a tray of bark completed my ‘altar’.

Then came a deep bow of gratitude to all the wonderful masculine energy that contributes to my, and all our lives. The action heroes, the wise warriors, the protective spirit, the Shiva qualities of calmness, compassion, mastery of ego. It was a sacred moment of worship of the divine masculine consciousness.

What is the role of worship in sexual essence?

When we hear the term ‘worship the divine masculine or feminine in your partner’ it may sound attractive, corny or even weird. How can we worship another human being? A human being who may seem actually very ordinary as we go through our busy lives. And could it even be dangerous, unreal and give a sense of inflation? If it is done with a projection of perfection onto someone it could be problematic. But when done with full recognition of the flaws and foibles of a person, worship in our relationships is uplifting and takes us into the luminosity of the sacred.

“worshipping the masculine”

The evolving masculine is usually not looking for compliments or rewards for his good deeds. He flies under the radar and aims for deeper integrity every day of his life. He attempts to live his purpose, to awaken himself and support others, to be someone who makes a positive difference. In his own way, in his own sphere of influence.

Appreciation is the first step to worship.  Look for what he is doing right, his awareness, presence, what he is contributing and what you trust in him. When you appreciate him and actually tell him, then he becomes more trustable, and he is inspired to be deeper.

This doesn’t mean you can’t be real with him about things that concern you. In fact, you can do that more when you also offer worship.

Artwork by Ines Honfi http://www.ineshonfi.com

Worship in sexual essence is the next step, and a little riskier, more deeply loving. It is given to those who you trust. It means going beyond all the external stuff and worshiping his core masculine essence. The aspect in him that reflects the divine, that is the divine showing up in human form.

It is not about worshipping his ego or making him feel better. Rather it’s a deep recognition of the strength, power, compassion and integrity at his core.

Recently a man said to me about his devoted partner ‘I think she sees me as a better man than I actually am’. He was a little sheepish and a little proud,  called forward to be that man she sees him as.

Seeing beyond what he has, to what he does, and who he is. Being in devotion to his consciousness that reflects the divine consciousness of the whole universe.

“creating special private moments of recognition”

How to worship him?  With your words is a good start, appreciating him directly and even saying things in front of others. Being obviously proud of him. Creating special private moments of recognition, or even dancing for him as a devotional offering. This can be simple and beautiful. You don’t have to be a dancer or look perfect!

More intimately you can worship his penis, touching him with reverence and devotion. This will be amazing for him to experience, way beyond sexual pleasure and gratification.

If you currently don’t have a partner, worship of the divine masculine can be offered to the men in your life, in appropriate ways. It can also be done as a more general practice and attitude towards the masculine.  Go back over your past relationships and worship what you were given. Even if there are other hurts, focus on the gifts for a time. It is powerful medicine. What you look for is what you see.

…………….

“not degrading yourself with negative self-talk”

If you would like to be worshipped for your masculine essence in relationship, how do you attract a partner who wants to do that?

First step is honouring your own masculine essence. Not degrading yourself with negative self-talk or giving up on your own development. Doing things that enhance consciousness and truth. Honouring other men’s efforts to be aware, present and awake.

The second step is worshipping the feminine essence. Seeing the divine in your partner, and in all women.

I’ll explore that further in the next blog ‘Worship and Sexual Essence – Feminine’.

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

*Shiva lingam – A Hindu symbol of cosmic mysteries, often shaped as a phallus or an elongated egg. Linked to a time where people worshiped the Lingam and Yoni as the point of creation, energy, and enlightenment.

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What is freedom? Basically it is the liberty to direct the course of our own life, to move around freely, to make our own decisions. Freedom is so valuable that we take it away as the ultimate punishment for criminals. And the experience of inner freedom is highly sought after.

People who have achieved inner freedom are sexy. And powerful. We can feel this as a resonance of the divine masculine and feminine, gods and goddesses. There are differences in how the masculine and feminine essences live free. (For the sake of ease I refer here to men as masculine essence and women as feminine essence, but this is not always the case).

‘masculine desire for freedom is a core need’

The masculine desire for freedom is a core need and often sought in financial freedom, travel, activism, space, drug experiences, being in the wilderness, extreme sports etc. At the next level it is living his deepest life purpose.

However, his desire is ultimately to be spiritually free, regardless of circumstances, to be ‘enlightened’. To be connected to the source of pure being, free from attachment and identification.

Flying in the clouds, aware, free, limitless. Spiritual seekers have pursued this thru the ages. Warriors find it facing fear, the silent zen of the samurai, monk-like meditations, contemplation of scriptures, dissolving the mind, the zone of running. A man who is in rooted in his being, facing his fear, is free……and freedom is sexy.

‘the freedom to fully express herself’

Freedom for the feminine is the freedom to fully express herself, to be all of the flavours of love that she is. To be dancing in the flow of her ever-changing feeling nature – the abundant, destructive, nurturing, wild, loving goddess.

Being fully loved and loving.

Giving her creative gifts to the world under her own power, her own sovereignty. For her sexuality to be fully allowed in ecstatic intensity and unbounded radiance. A woman in her power and in her open self-expression is free… and freedom is sexy, spiritually sexy.

…………………………

We each have both masculine and feminine energies, however most of us experience ourselves as predominantly one or the other, unless we have a neutral essence. A woman may experience a big need for freedom, and this can be a result of a genuine masculine energy she has, or a need to be fully free to be her whole feminine self. It can also come from a feeling of repression in childhood, religion, or in her culture. If it is a compensating masculine drive it can be diminishing her ability to live her feminine longing for connection, closeness and relating. This can repel the masculine essence.

A man can have a deep need for freedom of expression too, and this can lead him to become flowing and energetically dancing in his feminine energy. If this is out of balance he can experience freedom as an avoidance of his deepest commitments and responsibilities. He is the archetype of the eternal youth, even as an older man, wondering why his life feels superficial or empty. or why he keeps attracting women with strong masculine energy.

‘And how do we attain true freedom?’

So, what is an ideal state of freedom? And how do we attain that?

When we are free we are in alignment with our own life, and our essence, even when it’s tough. When we are connected to source or moving back to connection. And, within our capacity, when we are free in our bodies and breath, to experience the life force moving through us.

Our ability to do that makes us spiritually sexy.

If you are feeling trapped or stuck, it can all feel impossible to change. So, why not begin with what is within your grasp to do easily.

…………………………..

TO INCREASE YOUR FREEDOM

MEN:

Breath more fully into the whole torso area. Continually throughout the day

Find a way to bring more strength and flexibility into the body – martial arts, pilates, yoga, stretching, training etc.

Daily practice of meditation, contemplation, detachment, absorbing spiritual truth – 5 mins will do to start

Start a hobby or activity where you feel free – surfing, skating, music, fishing etc.

Have body work to free up contracted tensions

And for MORE FREEDOM….

Know your life purpose and live it a little more each day

Take time to be alone to recharge your core essence

Spend some regular time with men only – where you feel free

Take full responsibility for what you choose in life

Trust your masculine energy in relationship with the feminine – ask her to meet you

Learn ejaculation control so you have mastery over this in love making

Make a career out of what you love doing, or find away to love what you do

WOMEN:

Breath more fully into the whole torso area. Continually throughout the day

Find a way to bring more freedom of movement, strength and flexibility into the body – pilates, yoga, dance. Know your capacity and make it fairly easy to start, and enjoyable

Take time for restorative, nourishing practices, such as yin yoga, massage, being in nature

Practice expressing yourself through different sounds and movements – variety is good

And for MORE FREEDOM….

Trust your intuitive, feeling nature (not the same as being run by emotions)

Relax into deep receptivity and let go of ‘doing’ for a time

Master a skill where you can express your energy in a natural way – singing, music, art, crafts etc.

Know your body and your sexual feelings, sensations and needs

Let your feminine love flow freely however it wants to

Spend time often with women only, where you can feel unrestrained

Make a career out of what you love doing

‘we don’t need to do it all alone’

Both masculine and feminine essence: we don’t need to do it all alone, and in fact I don’t think we actually can. Our society encourages conformity to materialistic goals and status needs. We need to be with the individuals and communities who value true freedom, rooted in responsibility and love.

Choose relationships where you support each other’s need for freedom within the intimacy. And remember, freedom is sexy. We are attracted to each other more when we are both free.

And do your individual work in sessions and attend workshops and courses with people who will support your freedom from psychological and embodied habits of contraction. Who see your free, true self and will nudge you lovingly towards it.

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

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What is sexier? What is most loving? What question we ask has a profound effect on our lives and relationships.

Let’s take some simple and frequent interactions between a couple. Who will put out the cat? Or plan the holidays? Who will take out the dirty rubbish? Who will wash up tonight?

Or if you are dating – ‘Who will pay for the dinner out? Or will initiate the next date? Who drives or gets picked up? Or meet there independently?’

Or if you are doing your own thing. Will I dance or watch TV?  Will I focus on work now or relax?

Many of these questions used to be answered by rules and roles of gender.

Many of these questions used to be answered by rules and roles of gender. Now they tend be answered by What is equal? What is fair?

In our western culture, we are programmed to ask, ‘What is fair?’ and if something isn’t fair we can feel righteous and justified in our disapproval of it. As though we should always balance the scales. And fairness is a good thing when it comes to equal pay, or food distribution for example, but it may not be the best or right question to ask in a relationship.

If you ask the question ‘What is sexier?’ or ‘What is most loving?’ you may end up with a very different answer than ‘What is fair?’ But we want fairness, don’t we? No-one wants to be taken advantage of by the other. And yet, if you are in the realm of relationship and dating, it will be much more creative to ask, ‘What is sexier?’ Or to create a deeper safety and love bubble by asking ‘What is most loving?’

COUPLES: What is sexier? What is most loving?

Generally if you want to increase the polarity of attraction it’s best for the masculine* partner to do the jobs that will allow the feminine partner to relax, stay warm, let-go, feel protected, rather than her toughening up, doing the dirty jobs and being independent. She can usually do these things perfectly well and will do them when alone, but when she is with him, if he takes this on, she will relax into her feminine flow and radiance.

Stress is a big obstacle to feminine fulfilment.

Stress is a big obstacle to feminine fulfilment. So anything that de-stresses her, that removes a burden and a worry, will help her open up, be more radiant and alive. More orgasmic.

If you expect her to be an ‘equal’ partner in jobs, or pay her own way every time you date, you will have equality and fairness, but not polarity and attraction.

Who drives when you go out together? Do you base it on who did it last time? or is it sexier if he uses his directional abilities and ‘go’ energy to take her somewhere. He can also ask her to drive. Or perhaps its sexier for you both when she drives and he is tuning into her. However, if she is focused and navigating she will feel a tension that is totally fine but…. What is sexier?

You can also ask ‘What is more loving?’ This is a great question if you want more love, closeness and intimacy in your relating and in your life. And of a higher order than What is fair? However, love can be caring and not necessarily sexy. Is it sexy for a woman to lovingly look after her man? Possibly yes, when he is feeling low or exhausted, some nurturing will be restorative and helps him feel alive again. But too much of this maternal energy can start to diminish the polarity, he will feel her as a source of motherly love and friendship, but not necessarily as someone he sexually desires.

Being his friend, carer, mentor, therapist, guide, may be extremely loving and necessary at times, but it will be depolarizing, not sexy or creating passion and attraction. This is different from gifting him with your feminine power and energy. You may say and do things that could be shocking and wild, however they can be loving, and sexy and very unfair!!

But if the man is being fatherly, a teacher, mentor, guru, therapist, it can be very polarizing and sexy, as he is giving her wisdom and guidance and she is following and valuing that.

Him honouring her feminine power can also be sexy, but in what way? If it’s from a delight in her fullness, and the excitement of matching that, it’s sexy. If it’s from a sense of relief that she will take that role off you, it’s not sexy at all.

When she receives a bigger share of romantic gifts it’s not fair, but it’s sexier. As is her gifting him with an experience that gives him wildness and freedom. It may be reversed in your couple, just find out but by the question you ask.

If you are saying, ‘but I love all these things too!’ that’s great, but ask the question What is Sexier? What is most Loving? or also “What is deeper?’ and surrender to the answer.

DATING: What is sexier? What is most loving?

If you are a woman with a feminine essence and initiating a date with a man, this may be sexier because he wants to know you are interested in him. But if you are always initiating, after a while it may not be so sexy as he becomes the hunted and you the hunter.  If he initiates, he feels the challenge of the hunter energy and this is mostly sexier to both

Generally, it is sexier for her to invite and receive and for him to initiate and penetrate, this evokes the polarity of masculine and feminine. You may find it sexy though to swop this occasionally. There is no rule. It’s up to the two of you to ask the question that will lead to the experience you want to have.

On a date, if the man plans it and takes a woman on an adventure, or is listening to her desires and m
aking them happen, that’s sexy, and loving. If he is dictating what will happen without tuning into her, it’s not sexy or loving at all. She will feel dominated and controlled, rather than seen and guided and opened.

A conversation about your relationship may be necessary, but is it sexy? If both people are staying open and sharing their true responses with love, and for her to be in her flow of vulnerability and feeling, it can be very sexy. If both are in a ‘meta’ state of awareness, self-responsibility and holding space, it can be very productive and clearing, but it won’t increase polarity at all. So, if you need to have this kind of talk, let it be messy and real. Know you may need to reestablish polarity afterwards, to reinstate the feeling of union and attraction.

SOLO

This also applies to our lives, day by day. If you are contemplating where to put your time, attention and energy, work out the right question to ask. If you want to increase your own essence, sensuality, heart-openness, purposefulness or freedom, what question do you need to ask?

It’s not an interrogation method, it’s an inquiry, a looking at and feeling into our lives, desires and choices. If we say we want a partner but then choose to stay home all the time, we probably aren’t asking the question to create the result we desire.

If we want to be more feminine but are always running masculine tasks and jobs and lists it’s not going to enhance feminine essence. Similarly, if we want to increase masculinity then choosing to often enjoy your pleasurable, flowing activities won’t work.

What is your best question?

This is not about being a martyr or a pleaser, it’s about mastery. What is your best question –  What is sexier? What is most loving?

Appreciating you with love and trust,

Cynthia

*For ease I’m referring here to the masculine essence as a man, and feminine essence was a woman, however it not always gender based.

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I’m sitting in a New York taxi, speeding across town as the day turns into night, and I’m a little apprehensive. I’m not quite sure what I am in for. What a porn star taught me about living love was to be a deep life lesson.

It’s the early nineties and I am making a feature length documentary film called ‘Sacred Sex’. Myself, and the associate producer Michael, have been travelling around the world meeting pioneering tantra teachers.

We had arrived in New York earlier that day with an introduction to Annie Sprinkle, ex-porn star, performer and now a self-declared ‘post-porn modernist’. Before long we were having an eye-opening meeting in her apartment, decorated with her posters and photographs. Annie was delightful. Getting to know her, interviewing her, I was silently rapt that I had found such a wonderful film subject – very open, and weirdly herself, with a great story to tell of tantric sex in post–aids America.

As we were leaving, Annie casually mentioned she was holding a women’s only ‘Sluts and Goddesses’ workshop that night and would I like to come? Yes, I said, curious and with no idea what to expect.

Annie Sprinkle

I left the taxi and rode the lift up to Annie Sprinkle’s apartment. I was welcomed in by two women dressed in titillating, porn star outfits. Inside, the atmosphere was chaotic and fun. Women everywhere were in stages of undress, with music pulsing.

Annie was taking polaroid photos of several women dressed up as porn stars, posing against a studio backdrop and being snapped in various suggestive poses. She was a pro at getting even the shy women to become happy, outrageous ‘sluts’.  How this ‘research’ would fit into the film, I wasn’t sure, but it felt exciting.

Annie hugged me and led me to the ‘hair and make-up’ department, walking through racks of suggestive outfits and props, ranging from rubber dresses to bridal wear. She encouraged me to try out various costumes, and ‘slutty’ identities. From bridal porn, which turned out to be a short, white veil with a white satin teddy, white fish net stockings held up by a suspender belt, and of course no panties. Deliciously virginal from the waist up and very different from the waist down.

Then there was my dominatrix with a big black wig, whip, and red and black sexy outfit. She was hot! With loads of deep black eye make-up and an attitude to match. Lastly there was the way out there identity of a rubber-dressed sex goddess with a huge strap-on penis. Unreal and so much fun! With only women there, I felt safe to play and enjoy the energy for its own sake. Things were raging in this Slut part of the night – what would come next?

Annie Sprinkle – Yin/yang

Casually, Annie segued us into a different energy. The music changed, the pulse slowed down and we were now ready to soften into the Goddess energy. I don’t remember doing much, just sitting in a loose circle, breathing, dancing softly, relaxing and being. It felt even more special for coming after the Slut energy. The realisation that we were indeed all these energies was an embodied one.

As you can see this evening is imprinted on my memory and I now couldn’t wait to film one of these workshops for the sacred sexuality film I was making. When I arrived back at the apartment where we were staying, and my fellow producer Michael was still awake. He took one look at me and was taken aback at the energy I now transmitted. ‘Wow!’ I felt liberated, amused, provoked, blissful and……sexy!

All my connections with Annie Sprinkle turned out to be fascinating. I had never met anyone quite like her. We brought Annie out to Australia later for the film launch and she proved to be one wild woman. Unashamedly herself.

I learnt from Annie to play with feminine energies for their own sake, for what they liberate. To break through taboos in a safe way that doesn’t lead to shame and fear. That women can be slutty and sacred, and they are not opposites, just different points on a spectrum of feminine energy.

What I learned then, and since, is how important it is for women and men to have a wide spectrum of their energies available. These can be evoked through costumes, or subtle energetic changes to invoke feminine or masculine power.  In the Living Love workshops, I invite you in many ways to safely liberate whichever energies you need to open or deepen. Whatever will give you the fullest expression in your life.

When we integrate previously disowned energies, we can have the repressed power in them available for our living and loving.

And, most of all we can have fun!

love

Cynthia

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