Are you stuck in being too caring in your relationships?

Do you feel love but not attraction for your partner?

Are you dating people who want you to be their friend but not their lover?

Many of us are taught that it is good to be kind, caring, supportive and helpful in relationships. We are not told that this can kill off sexual spark and attraction. Caring is parental mode, being in mother and father energy. And the child receives. Now there are times when it’s great to be caring towards your beloved or your date partners. You can do this as needed. But if you want to have erotic attraction and spark it’s not about caring, it’s about desire. Being so caring isn’t so sexy.

Caretaking someone else’s feelings it is not erotic or romantic. If you are feeling obligated to take care of their feelings, it will diminish your desire to open to them sexually or to initiate sexually. If you or your partner become needy for approval or for the other to take care of uncomfortable feelings like rejection, then you are not standing fully in yourself and desiring the other.

“I love you” and “I want you” are powerful statements. When they become “I love you, do you love me?” and “I want you, do you want me?’ it asks for a caring act rather than an act of passion. You may want to make them feel better, but are turned off sexually, you are in mother/father mode or rescuing mode, not in the ravishing mode.

If by necessity you are physically caring for your partner, then it’s important to be able to switch that off and experience desire. It is possible to shift out of that mode, shake it off and have dedicated time where you experience each other as lovers. Whether that is through a ritual that marks the change, a special time of day, a change of clothes, a little signal you have. Dressing up for dinner changes the dynamic. One couple I know where he is her physical carer find that when they go away somewhere different, even overnight, they are able to reexperience desire and romance. Openly wanting someone and not needing them to make you feel better can be healing in itself and takes care of many problems.

If you are dating, it’s great to be responsive to the other person’s needs but not to feel compulsive about fulfilling them. You don’t want them to see you as the carer, the friend who looks after them, you want them to see you as a sexy attractive lover, who can also be caring and kind.

Especially in the masculine/feminine dynamic if she senses he needs her approval to feel ok about himself, then she is being forced to relate to the insecure boy rather than the desiring man. If she is overly caring he will experience her as a friend or a mother, not as the alluring sex goddess that he is going to have to step up to meet. And in reverse if he is overly caring she can start to feel like a child. She generally wants to be cared for and cherished, but as an attractive woman not as a little girl.

Of course, I’m not suggesting being uncaring or unkind or insensitive. Being loving is the foundation for relationship. However, I do see many couples where the love is there, but the desire is absent. That need to have the other caretake for them, or being compulsive about caring, really diminishes the sexual intimacy and activity. To bring back the spark, or to find the passion, dial down the caring and dial up the desire. If you find that difficult to do there may be a deeper pattern that is stopping you, and that may require some extra therapeutic support.

Being so caring isn’t so sexy. Remember that next time you are quietly demanding your partner or date makes you feel good about yourself, alleviates your anxiety or you are rushing to do the same for them.

Love

Cynthia

The post Being so caring isn’t so sexy appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

Introduction

For sex and intimacy to develop we need time. Time put aside for dating, relationships and love making. And to make time in our busy lives for this, we need to value it. These 6 Sex & Intimacy Tips below will help you do that.

This is especially important at this time of the year as we head into Christmas holidays and there are many distractions.

Sex & intimacy are naturally delicious and nourishing aspects of our human lives, whether single or partnered.  Sadly, if sex and/or intimacy becomes difficult, problematic or a source of conflict or shame we start avoiding it, finding excuses to do other things. ‘Dating is just too hard these days’, ‘aren’t all couples the same when they have been together for years’, ‘We love each other but the sex is boring’. Even ‘I just don’t have the time’ and ‘I’m too tired’.

Many of these are actually protection from past hurts and disappointments, or not knowing what to do to improve your situation.

For couples who are together for many years, it is common for the sexual spark to lessen. However, if you see great sex and deep intimacy as expendable in your relationship, things can get very functional and boring, and you can start to drift away from each other.

Many singles are happy in their lives already, so the effort and time needed to start a new relationship can be daunting. It is good to be honest about what you most want and align your actions with that.

Keep in mind that in the dance of masculine and feminine, if intimacy turns into familiarity, which turns into the friend zone, you can find it harder to have the lover energy present. It will take some effort and skill to recharge the spark.

 6  Sex and Intimacy Tips

• Your body is a temple of love and freedom, so treat it with respect and care. It starts with you. Release body tensions through massage and exercise before you come to the love making encounter.
• Deep intimacy with yourself becomes the offering to your partner or future partner. Spend time alone to nurture your own essence. Know what you truly want and are ready to give.
• Sacred sexuality is one of the most powerful energies. When sex is used not only for pleasure and procreation, but for creating more love and awareness. Have this as your intention and attitude in relationship and dating.
• Make time for intimacy and lovemaking. Date nights do matter, so schedule them in your calendar now. Ask yourself – how much time per week do I/we need to achieve the level of openness and connection we/I want? Same for making time to meet new people if you are single.
• Slow sex is a good idea as generally it takes longer for the feminine to become aroused and fully open. Once there she can last longer so timing is important. Once you have made time for sex and intimacy, there is no rush.
• Appreciate the differences of masculine and feminine essence in sex and intimacy. The masculine is more sex-orientated, the feminine is more intimacy orientated. Both are paths to the same deep union.

 Love

Cynthia

The post 6 Sex & Intimacy Tips appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

Once you understand the basic nature of masculine and feminine essences and polarity, it is much easier to activate sexual passion and sexual polarity now.  In 30 seconds, or a little longer, you can activate your own sexual essence, alone or with a partner. This is how to amplify your essence when you only have a few minutes to do so.

Solo – for Him – sexual polarity now

* set a courageous intention for your day and take one action towards it.
* breathe down into your lower body, full and deep. Front and back.
* connect to the earth through your feet and root yourself into the ground.
* eye gaze at yourself in the mirror, without moving.
* take a warrior stance that is powerful for you, and hold it while breathing deeply.

Solo – for Her – sexual polarity now

* lift your arms and make a sphere around your body with your hands in a light, flowing way.
* place your hands on your womb and sink down into it, eyes closed.
* move your body wildly, prow and growl.
* do something you have never done before.
* in a private space stroke your own body as a lover would, feeling it.                                                                                     *touch the fabrics in your clothing, your wardrobe or in a shop. Enjoy the feel.

Couples – for couples who trust each other – sexual polarity now

Fundamentally sexual polarity is about one person occupying a masculine directional energy and the other person a surrendered feminine energy. These practices are for couples who have agreement about exploring masculine and feminine essence in a loving way.

For Him
* give her your undivided attention with full presence, with the attitude of worshipping her.  *direct her with your loving guidance to do something that benefits her.
* admire and verbally appreciate her body, her shape, her look, her sexiness.
* have a hot, fragrant bath ready for her when she gets home. Then leave her alone, wait.
* press her against the wall, lovingly, gently but firmly, so she has no choice but surrender.

For Her
* acknowledge him as your handsome hero, naming how he supports you.
* flirt with him, make no sense, be illogical, mysterious.
* show him your naked body when he doesn’t expect it, and then drift away….
* offer your feminine flow and bodily movement to evoke his presence.
* give him pleasure in the way that he likes.

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

The post Sexual Polarity Now appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

What is freedom? Basically it is the liberty to direct the course of our own life, to move around freely, to make our own decisions. Freedom is so valuable that we take it away as the ultimate punishment for criminals. And the experience of inner freedom is highly sought after.

People who have achieved inner freedom are sexy. And powerful. We can feel this as a resonance of the divine masculine and feminine, gods and goddesses. There are differences in how the masculine and feminine essences live free. (For the sake of ease I refer here to men as masculine essence and women as feminine essence, but this is not always the case).

‘masculine desire for freedom is a core need’

The masculine desire for freedom is a core need and often sought in financial freedom, travel, activism, space, drug experiences, being in the wilderness, extreme sports etc. At the next level it is living his deepest life purpose.

However, his desire is ultimately to be spiritually free, regardless of circumstances, to be ‘enlightened’. To be connected to the source of pure being, free from attachment and identification.

Flying in the clouds, aware, free, limitless. Spiritual seekers have pursued this thru the ages. Warriors find it facing fear, the silent zen of the samurai, monk-like meditations, contemplation of scriptures, dissolving the mind, the zone of running. A man who is in rooted in his being, facing his fear, is free……and freedom is sexy.

‘the freedom to fully express herself’

Freedom for the feminine is the freedom to fully express herself, to be all of the flavours of love that she is. To be dancing in the flow of her ever-changing feeling nature – the abundant, destructive, nurturing, wild, loving goddess.

Being fully loved and loving.

Giving her creative gifts to the world under her own power, her own sovereignty. For her sexuality to be fully allowed in ecstatic intensity and unbounded radiance. A woman in her power and in her open self-expression is free… and freedom is sexy, spiritually sexy.

…………………………

We each have both masculine and feminine energies, however most of us experience ourselves as predominantly one or the other, unless we have a neutral essence. A woman may experience a big need for freedom, and this can be a result of a genuine masculine energy she has, or a need to be fully free to be her whole feminine self. It can also come from a feeling of repression in childhood, religion, or in her culture. If it is a compensating masculine drive it can be diminishing her ability to live her feminine longing for connection, closeness and relating. This can repel the masculine essence.

A man can have a deep need for freedom of expression too, and this can lead him to become flowing and energetically dancing in his feminine energy. If this is out of balance he can experience freedom as an avoidance of his deepest commitments and responsibilities. He is the archetype of the eternal youth, even as an older man, wondering why his life feels superficial or empty. or why he keeps attracting women with strong masculine energy.

‘And how do we attain true freedom?’

So, what is an ideal state of freedom? And how do we attain that?

When we are free we are in alignment with our own life, and our essence, even when it’s tough. When we are connected to source or moving back to connection. And, within our capacity, when we are free in our bodies and breath, to experience the life force moving through us.

Our ability to do that makes us spiritually sexy.

If you are feeling trapped or stuck, it can all feel impossible to change. So, why not begin with what is within your grasp to do easily.

…………………………..

TO INCREASE YOUR FREEDOM

MEN:

Breath more fully into the whole torso area. Continually throughout the day

Find a way to bring more strength and flexibility into the body – martial arts, pilates, yoga, stretching, training etc.

Daily practice of meditation, contemplation, detachment, absorbing spiritual truth – 5 mins will do to start

Start a hobby or activity where you feel free – surfing, skating, music, fishing etc.

Have body work to free up contracted tensions

And for MORE FREEDOM….

Know your life purpose and live it a little more each day

Take time to be alone to recharge your core essence

Spend some regular time with men only – where you feel free

Take full responsibility for what you choose in life

Trust your masculine energy in relationship with the feminine – ask her to meet you

Learn ejaculation control so you have mastery over this in love making

Make a career out of what you love doing, or find away to love what you do

WOMEN:

Breath more fully into the whole torso area. Continually throughout the day

Find a way to bring more freedom of movement, strength and flexibility into the body – pilates, yoga, dance. Know your capacity and make it fairly easy to start, and enjoyable

Take time for restorative, nourishing practices, such as yin yoga, massage, being in nature

Practice expressing yourself through different sounds and movements – variety is good

And for MORE FREEDOM….

Trust your intuitive, feeling nature (not the same as being run by emotions)

Relax into deep receptivity and let go of ‘doing’ for a time

Master a skill where you can express your energy in a natural way – singing, music, art, crafts etc.

Know your body and your sexual feelings, sensations and needs

Let your feminine love flow freely however it wants to

Spend time often with women only, where you can feel unrestrained

Make a career out of what you love doing

‘we don’t need to do it all alone’

Both masculine and feminine essence: we don’t need to do it all alone, and in fact I don’t think we actually can. Our society encourages conformity to materialistic goals and status needs. We need to be with the individuals and communities who value true freedom, rooted in responsibility and love.

Choose relationships where you support each other’s need for freedom within the intimacy. And remember, freedom is sexy. We are attracted to each other more when we are both free.

And do your individual work in sessions and attend workshops and courses with people who will support your freedom from psychological and embodied habits of contraction. Who see your free, true self and will nudge you lovingly towards it.

With love and appreciation,

Cynthia

The post Freedom is sexy appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

What is sexier? What is most loving? What question we ask has a profound effect on our lives and relationships.

Let’s take some simple and frequent interactions between a couple. Who will put out the cat? Or plan the holidays? Who will take out the dirty rubbish? Who will wash up tonight?

Or if you are dating – ‘Who will pay for the dinner out? Or will initiate the next date? Who drives or gets picked up? Or meet there independently?’

Or if you are doing your own thing. Will I dance or watch TV?  Will I focus on work now or relax?

Many of these questions used to be answered by rules and roles of gender.

Many of these questions used to be answered by rules and roles of gender. Now they tend be answered by What is equal? What is fair?

In our western culture, we are programmed to ask, ‘What is fair?’ and if something isn’t fair we can feel righteous and justified in our disapproval of it. As though we should always balance the scales. And fairness is a good thing when it comes to equal pay, or food distribution for example, but it may not be the best or right question to ask in a relationship.

If you ask the question ‘What is sexier?’ or ‘What is most loving?’ you may end up with a very different answer than ‘What is fair?’ But we want fairness, don’t we? No-one wants to be taken advantage of by the other. And yet, if you are in the realm of relationship and dating, it will be much more creative to ask, ‘What is sexier?’ Or to create a deeper safety and love bubble by asking ‘What is most loving?’

COUPLES: What is sexier? What is most loving?

Generally if you want to increase the polarity of attraction it’s best for the masculine* partner to do the jobs that will allow the feminine partner to relax, stay warm, let-go, feel protected, rather than her toughening up, doing the dirty jobs and being independent. She can usually do these things perfectly well and will do them when alone, but when she is with him, if he takes this on, she will relax into her feminine flow and radiance.

Stress is a big obstacle to feminine fulfilment.

Stress is a big obstacle to feminine fulfilment. So anything that de-stresses her, that removes a burden and a worry, will help her open up, be more radiant and alive. More orgasmic.

If you expect her to be an ‘equal’ partner in jobs, or pay her own way every time you date, you will have equality and fairness, but not polarity and attraction.

Who drives when you go out together? Do you base it on who did it last time? or is it sexier if he uses his directional abilities and ‘go’ energy to take her somewhere. He can also ask her to drive. Or perhaps its sexier for you both when she drives and he is tuning into her. However, if she is focused and navigating she will feel a tension that is totally fine but…. What is sexier?

You can also ask ‘What is more loving?’ This is a great question if you want more love, closeness and intimacy in your relating and in your life. And of a higher order than What is fair? However, love can be caring and not necessarily sexy. Is it sexy for a woman to lovingly look after her man? Possibly yes, when he is feeling low or exhausted, some nurturing will be restorative and helps him feel alive again. But too much of this maternal energy can start to diminish the polarity, he will feel her as a source of motherly love and friendship, but not necessarily as someone he sexually desires.

Being his friend, carer, mentor, therapist, guide, may be extremely loving and necessary at times, but it will be depolarizing, not sexy or creating passion and attraction. This is different from gifting him with your feminine power and energy. You may say and do things that could be shocking and wild, however they can be loving, and sexy and very unfair!!

But if the man is being fatherly, a teacher, mentor, guru, therapist, it can be very polarizing and sexy, as he is giving her wisdom and guidance and she is following and valuing that.

Him honouring her feminine power can also be sexy, but in what way? If it’s from a delight in her fullness, and the excitement of matching that, it’s sexy. If it’s from a sense of relief that she will take that role off you, it’s not sexy at all.

When she receives a bigger share of romantic gifts it’s not fair, but it’s sexier. As is her gifting him with an experience that gives him wildness and freedom. It may be reversed in your couple, just find out but by the question you ask.

If you are saying, ‘but I love all these things too!’ that’s great, but ask the question What is Sexier? What is most Loving? or also “What is deeper?’ and surrender to the answer.

DATING: What is sexier? What is most loving?

If you are a woman with a feminine essence and initiating a date with a man, this may be sexier because he wants to know you are interested in him. But if you are always initiating, after a while it may not be so sexy as he becomes the hunted and you the hunter.  If he initiates, he feels the challenge of the hunter energy and this is mostly sexier to both

Generally, it is sexier for her to invite and receive and for him to initiate and penetrate, this evokes the polarity of masculine and feminine. You may find it sexy though to swop this occasionally. There is no rule. It’s up to the two of you to ask the question that will lead to the experience you want to have.

On a date, if the man plans it and takes a woman on an adventure, or is listening to her desires and m
aking them happen, that’s sexy, and loving. If he is dictating what will happen without tuning into her, it’s not sexy or loving at all. She will feel dominated and controlled, rather than seen and guided and opened.

A conversation about your relationship may be necessary, but is it sexy? If both people are staying open and sharing their true responses with love, and for her to be in her flow of vulnerability and feeling, it can be very sexy. If both are in a ‘meta’ state of awareness, self-responsibility and holding space, it can be very productive and clearing, but it won’t increase polarity at all. So, if you need to have this kind of talk, let it be messy and real. Know you may need to reestablish polarity afterwards, to reinstate the feeling of union and attraction.

SOLO

This also applies to our lives, day by day. If you are contemplating where to put your time, attention and energy, work out the right question to ask. If you want to increase your own essence, sensuality, heart-openness, purposefulness or freedom, what question do you need to ask?

It’s not an interrogation method, it’s an inquiry, a looking at and feeling into our lives, desires and choices. If we say we want a partner but then choose to stay home all the time, we probably aren’t asking the question to create the result we desire.

If we want to be more feminine but are always running masculine tasks and jobs and lists it’s not going to enhance feminine essence. Similarly, if we want to increase masculinity then choosing to often enjoy your pleasurable, flowing activities won’t work.

What is your best question?

This is not about being a martyr or a pleaser, it’s about mastery. What is your best question –  What is sexier? What is most loving?

Appreciating you with love and trust,

Cynthia

*For ease I’m referring here to the masculine essence as a man, and feminine essence was a woman, however it not always gender based.

The post What is sexier? What is most loving? appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

Have you ever wondered what makes the feminine or masculine happy in a relationship? What is food for love? Do you ever feel like your relationship is going stale or lacking appreciation? Are you longing to give and receive love in a way that opens you to more love?

There are basic nutrients for love in a relationship such as authenticity, love, connection, care, trust and respect, attraction and enjoyment of each other. And then there are the gourmet delicacies that increase the love and the polarity of masculine and feminine essence.

What is food for love for the feminine essence is different to the masculine essence. Of course, it’s an individual thing too, but there are preferences that often apply. Here are some ways you can feed and nourish your beloveds, whether you are in a relationship or single. If you are single, you can gift a friend of the opposite sex.

“making the extra effort will open her like a flower”

What is the FEMININE ESSENCE food for love? There are lighter or darker offerings on the spectrum, depending on the person and what energy she may want to liberate. As her primary need is for love, the way to nourish and delight her is through loving her. Men often say, ‘Of course I love her, I’m committed and look what I do for her every day’. And yet making the extra effort will open her like a flower, her radiant smile and bodily openness will reward you. Women, you can appreciate his intentions and efforts even if he doesn’t get it exactly right.

The feminine generally loves tender kisses, love-notes either given or left for her to find, verbal appreciation of her beauty, small and frequent gifts of jewellery, perfume or other romantic things (could be an object from nature that doesn’t have to cost a lot) and occasionally large gifts.

Make your gifts romantic rather than practical, or include a romantic gift. What enhances her radiance? While she will love you giving her car seat covers, a new laptop or a pushbike, she will be more delighted as a woman by a romantic gift like jewellery, that tells her she is your special woman.

“beauty for its own sake”

If you are not sure what she likes, take her shopping, or ask her closest woman friend to help you. Flowers are lovely on special occasions, but an unexpected, lush bouquet on the table when she comes home will delight her with its burst of beauty. For the feminine it’s not about being utilitarian but about beauty for its own sake.

Perhaps you have the inspiration to write a poem or a song about her. She will love it even if you are not so skilled. Or have a special night out together, where she can see how much planning you have put into it for her to enjoy.

Anything that shows her that you really see her, that you notice what she likes and that you pay attention.

“more edgy offerings can also open her”

For the feminine, obviously, it’s not just romantic things that delight or surprise her, but more edgy offerings can also open her. Going a little (or a lot) darker, you can gift her with sexy lingerie, but only if she will enjoy wearing it. Or surprise her with a sex toy to start an erotic adventure, if it’s for her pleasure. And naturally you will enjoy it too, but that’s not the goal.

A man doing a striptease, showing his masculine power with his heart wide open, will energise her, and is a lot of fun to watch. If she completely trusts you, you could blindfold her and drive her to a secret location where you have prepared an erotic encounter to ravish her.

Those with darker sexual essence will enjoy more kinky activities. For the feminine essence the act of deep surrender with a trustable masculine energy is extremely erotic.

Food for love for the feminine essence is also when you fix something for her. The broken clasp on her favourite necklace, the bike tyre puncture that she hasn’t gotten around to dealing with, whatever brings wholeness and ease to her life. And if she is very stressed, you can take a job off her and do it simply and easily. Unburdening the feminine releases her fragrant love-light.

“honour his masculinity, whichever way he chooses to take it”

What is the MASCULINE ESSENCE food for love? Most men have primary needs for love, freedom, and being on purpose in his life. One way to gift him is through trusting him, and freeing him. Honour his masculinity, whichever way he chooses to take it. Trusting his mission will gift him deeply. If you don’t trust him, tell him directly why not and leave him to sort it out.

Challenging him in a way that calls him to his higher self, where he is learning about himself, is also a gift to the masculine. Showing him your loving power and wisdom in this way is food for him.

A man loves to be listened to – let him share what troubles him. Let him reveal his vulnerabilities without judgment. Being accepted and loved whether he is successful or not is food for the masculine.

Most men love to be honoured and appreciated. If you notice and acknowledge when he does things that you like, even practical jobs that he contributes, it will remind him how valuable he is to you.

Make it easy for him to be alone sometimes, or with his male friends, without feeling guilty he’s not with you.

For the masculine, he may like to receive gifts, but often he feels burdened by things and clutter. Gift him an experience, like a concert by his favourite band, or a sporting event he will be into, or an extreme sport like skydiving (unless he has a fear of heights). He will feel seen if you remember something he mentioned in passing. Making him something yourself shows your devotion to him, that you will put a lot of time and effort into making.

“unexpected, sexy surprises takes him out of the ordinary”

Unexpected, sexy surprises take him out of the ordinary, into freedom and feeling wow! This can be done with light or edgier energy. You could dance for him, healing him with your sexy angelic light, or you could do a seductive ‘striptease’ enlivening him with your darker sensuality. Dressing up in different ways will also captivate him with your ever-changing moods.

Occasionally invite him to step out of the socially defined role of man, focused on achieving and doing, and into a passive, receptive state. This could be through delighting his senses, a loving massage or an erotic play where he is sexually surrendered. Taking him into nature and making love to him outdoors would be very cool for some men.

These offerings that nourish love and polarity will not only ignite and delight your partner but you will also have fun giving them.

I hope you explore this food for love, and sexy snack ideas, and that you are inspired to gift to your beloveds.

I’d love to hear how you already do this, or what happens when you do. Please share in the comments below.

Appreciating you with love and trust,

Cynthia

The post Food for Love appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

I’m sitting in a New York taxi, speeding across town as the day turns into night, and I’m a little apprehensive. I’m not quite sure what I am in for. What a porn star taught me about living love was to be a deep life lesson.

It’s the early nineties and I am making a feature length documentary film called ‘Sacred Sex’. Myself, and the associate producer Michael, have been travelling around the world meeting pioneering tantra teachers.

We had arrived in New York earlier that day with an introduction to Annie Sprinkle, ex-porn star, performer and now a self-declared ‘post-porn modernist’. Before long we were having an eye-opening meeting in her apartment, decorated with her posters and photographs. Annie was delightful. Getting to know her, interviewing her, I was silently rapt that I had found such a wonderful film subject – very open, and weirdly herself, with a great story to tell of tantric sex in post–aids America.

As we were leaving, Annie casually mentioned she was holding a women’s only ‘Sluts and Goddesses’ workshop that night and would I like to come? Yes, I said, curious and with no idea what to expect.

Annie Sprinkle

I left the taxi and rode the lift up to Annie Sprinkle’s apartment. I was welcomed in by two women dressed in titillating, porn star outfits. Inside, the atmosphere was chaotic and fun. Women everywhere were in stages of undress, with music pulsing.

Annie was taking polaroid photos of several women dressed up as porn stars, posing against a studio backdrop and being snapped in various suggestive poses. She was a pro at getting even the shy women to become happy, outrageous ‘sluts’.  How this ‘research’ would fit into the film, I wasn’t sure, but it felt exciting.

Annie hugged me and led me to the ‘hair and make-up’ department, walking through racks of suggestive outfits and props, ranging from rubber dresses to bridal wear. She encouraged me to try out various costumes, and ‘slutty’ identities. From bridal porn, which turned out to be a short, white veil with a white satin teddy, white fish net stockings held up by a suspender belt, and of course no panties. Deliciously virginal from the waist up and very different from the waist down.

Then there was my dominatrix with a big black wig, whip, and red and black sexy outfit. She was hot! With loads of deep black eye make-up and an attitude to match. Lastly there was the way out there identity of a rubber-dressed sex goddess with a huge strap-on penis. Unreal and so much fun! With only women there, I felt safe to play and enjoy the energy for its own sake. Things were raging in this Slut part of the night – what would come next?

Annie Sprinkle – Yin/yang

Casually, Annie segued us into a different energy. The music changed, the pulse slowed down and we were now ready to soften into the Goddess energy. I don’t remember doing much, just sitting in a loose circle, breathing, dancing softly, relaxing and being. It felt even more special for coming after the Slut energy. The realisation that we were indeed all these energies was an embodied one.

As you can see this evening is imprinted on my memory and I now couldn’t wait to film one of these workshops for the sacred sexuality film I was making. When I arrived back at the apartment where we were staying, and my fellow producer Michael was still awake. He took one look at me and was taken aback at the energy I now transmitted. ‘Wow!’ I felt liberated, amused, provoked, blissful and……sexy!

All my connections with Annie Sprinkle turned out to be fascinating. I had never met anyone quite like her. We brought Annie out to Australia later for the film launch and she proved to be one wild woman. Unashamedly herself.

I learnt from Annie to play with feminine energies for their own sake, for what they liberate. To break through taboos in a safe way that doesn’t lead to shame and fear. That women can be slutty and sacred, and they are not opposites, just different points on a spectrum of feminine energy.

What I learned then, and since, is how important it is for women and men to have a wide spectrum of their energies available. These can be evoked through costumes, or subtle energetic changes to invoke feminine or masculine power.  In the Living Love workshops, I invite you in many ways to safely liberate whichever energies you need to open or deepen. Whatever will give you the fullest expression in your life.

When we integrate previously disowned energies, we can have the repressed power in them available for our living and loving.

And, most of all we can have fun!

love

Cynthia

The post What a porn star taught me about Living Love appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

In this blog I suggest ways to increase both masculine and feminine sexual essence. Connecting to your core sexual essence improves well-being, brings more harmony to your relationships and also increases sexual attraction.

Here are some things you can do right now that explain how to increase your sexual essence. Let’s start with the feminine…….

FEMININE sexual essence 

Shakti, the divine feminine creative power is in constant motion, flowing and ever-changing.

Get moving to get in touch with your feminine energy.  Not the boot camp style but dance, gentle yoga, any activity that keeps you moving, feeling and flowing. Also letting your feelings flow and move through you without judgement.

Spend time with loving women friends to increase your feminine essence. In person is absolutely the best but even online meetups are helpful. If you don’t have these friends yet then start to nourish a connection with a woman where you are drawn to her feminine essence.

Take a feminine mini-break. Directly after a work session of focusing and decision making take a mini-break to connect back with your feminine self. Go outside and smell the flowers or loll about on the earth. Or create a snack by using your senses. Smell and feel the lime as you squeeze it on fresh papaya. Savour the taste, lick your sticky fingers…..

Dress up anyway even if it’s to go to the market. Choose the colour, style and shape that is you today. Adorning the light that you are.  Consider this tantric quote  ‘Woman is the creator of the universe, the universe is her form; woman is the foundation of the world, she is the true form of the body. There is no jewel rarer than woman.’

Take a no-plan time. You may choose to do a lot of things in this time, but not according to a list or a plan, but by completely following your energy in your flow. This is so restorative to the feminine essence.

Or you may need more masculine structure in your life so you can really feel relaxed, so make structure for your days or find someone who can help you.

Making love through the body. Love making with a trustable partner that is truly ‘creating love’ allows you to fully shine and glow with love-light.  The beautiful surrender and love-shine you experience and emanate is beyond words.

Deepening your feminine essence is not reliant on having a partner, although it helps. The good news is the more you do it yourself you will more likely attract one.

MASCULINE sexual essence

Shiva, the divine masculine power is the stillness, the non-changing awareness in everything. Here are some effective ways to increase your raw masculine energy.
Spending time just with the guys. Being together the masculine energy rubs off. Hanging out with authentic men who have the courage to be vulnerable lights the masculine fire. You will develop a hunger for this space to be men alone.

Challenge yourself physically. An intense workout that takes you to your edge will quickly activate your masculine essence. Stress reduces, sweat increases and so does your testosterone.

Go for your goals. You don’t have to win to succeed, because just taking on challenges ups your masculine essence

Change your posture – for 20 seconds breathe deep into the belly, straighten your shoulders and widen your stance, relax your jaw and soften your organs. Expand to occupy more space with your presence and love. A confident posture creates inner confidence. Mastery means doing it fully, but with less effort.

Increasing the amount of challenge you can handle over time will give you more focus, purpose, sexual energy and social impact.

This means unplugging from the thoughts that clutter your mind, going deeper through meditation or mindfulness practices. Focusing on living your deep life purpose as a daily compass.

If your masculine energy is too rigid you may need to let go of your intense focus for a time and allows yourself to soften and deepen into your core.

All of these are effective if you do them. You can pick those that attract you to do and try them out, check out if it works for you as well as it has for myself and many, many others. And this is the tip of the iceberg with the practices available.

Appreciating you,

with love

Cynthia

The post How to increase your sexual essence appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

I Love You: I Trust You is an attitude, a way of deeply giving to our partner. Understanding the different masculine and feminine essence needs and motivations makes a profound difference in how we are received by the other.

Those beautiful words ‘I Love You’ make her heart flood open, penetrating through layers of feminine ‘weather’ and leaving trails of happiness. She feels like a goddess. ‘I trust you’ are the more powerful words for the masculine essence to hear and feel. He straightens his spine and relaxes his belly, feeling like a hero with trustable direction and purpose.

These cannot be empty phrases. Given sincerely and acted on they are extremely potent at ending disagreements and closures and evoking sexy polarity between a couple.

THE FEMININE ESSENCE longs to be completely seen and deeply loved. In intimacy that is by a masculine essence who really sees her, meets her, and isn’t afraid of her. This is the core need at the heart of  the feminine discontent. To be guided out of her moods and disaffection by a trustable loving force. Behind the arguments and the criticisms we find a woman longing to be penetrated by love. A funny way to go about it, it seems counter intuitive, but it’s what happens when the feminine primary longing becomes distorted. It is her protection and it may even make sense, but it causes a lot of confusion and heartache.

For the masculine on the receiving end its to easy to react to her surface moods and emotions, which are often swirling and even attacking. He wants to withdraw until she has calmed down. Or to fight her and convince her to be reasonable, and that he is right. She may be temporarily subdued or repressed, but none of that works for love. When she feels fully known and seen as the flow of love energy that is her nature, especially when its hidden, she will open totally. Open as the most precious devotion, loyalty and shining beauty that will awe her masculine partner.

A Practice for men: Feel her like the weather, ever changing, ever flowing. Look beyond her harsh tone and criticism and feel her vulnerable heart. Why is she here with you spending her amazing energy on you? She wants and needs your masculine love and presence. She longs to unburden herself with you and be real, raw and tender. She needs to know she is loved, by you, here and now. Notice your desire to get away to peacefulness or to repress her, and instead of acting on that, breathe to relax your belly and your chest. Expand your energy to encompass hers. Imagine she is inside your heart and body and that you are filling her with love. Look into her eyes and say ‘I love you’. Full of life, full of love, unafraid. Be willing to persist skillfully until she fully receives your love.

If you are single this practice can be done in a more impersonal way, where you offer the women you meet this trustable attitude of open hearted presence in the face of feminine feelings and moods. Even when you don’t enjoy it, look for the big picture of the flow of life dancing before you. If you are dating you will be in demand as many men withdraw from really loving the feminine.

THE MASCULINE ESSENCE also wants to be deeply loved, but more importantly he wants to be trusted. This increases his masculine essence, his sense of direction and purpose, his awareness. He desires a loving woman who ultimately trusts his direction and integrity and is not afraid to be direct when he is behaving otherwise. Who will trust him to resolve his own dilemmas and problems. Who will honour his masculine ability to find the compass of his life and stay the path. And when he is struggling in his life it is his deepest need to be trustable to himself and others. If he feels her losing trust in him it weakens him and makes it harder for him to succeed in his purpose and mission. Her trust can be like a flicker of hope in the midst of dark despair. When he is fully trusted as the force of clarity that is his nature, even when he is confused or in doubt, he will respond with a depth of integrity and love that brings his partner to tears.

A Practice for women:

If he is your partner you have chosen him for his masculine essence. That’s feel great when he is trustable, aware, present, loving, clear. And letting him know often that you love these qualities in him, that he is your hero, will increase those qualities. But when you see him being confused, lacking direction, withdrawing and not meeting you with love it can be hard to trust him. Look for what is trustable in that moment. Perhaps he isn’t listening to you, he’s pushing a solution on you. But what is his intention – is he trying to help you and he’s clumsy at how to do that? Or he may have had a big loss at work, but he is out there risking failure. Find what is trustable. Offer him your true response but equally say what you trust in him.

Sometimes you may tell him that you trust him to resolve a problem, instead of trying to work it out for him – that makes him feel capable and encourage action on his part. If you offer him this trust then you need to step back and give him the space to solve it his way, in his time. Not always easy but it works. This only works though if you have given your primary response to him, with your trust and spaciousness. Often the masculine takes more time than the feminine to act, he waits until he is certain of success.

Practice this for a week with your partner and see what happens.

If you are single you can practice offering the men in your life your trust. Not with men you don’t trust of course, but where can you extend your trust and openly acknowledge a job well done? Or when a man has helped you and been there for you, let him know how trustable that is. This will attract men into your life who are highly trustable.

I Love You: I Trust You
Many couples spend years feeling disconnected or fighting, not really happy or fulfilled. Wondering if they chose the wrong partner or are themselves unlovable. Or a couple may be  constantly working on the issues and the triggers in their relationship, digging deeper. Digging a big hole that erodes the foundations of their relationship. We are not in relationship to be each other’s therapists, or to work out our ‘stuff’. Some of that inevitably happens and is a great thing, but the focus should be on finding love and trust in the moment, and then the next moment. Getting stronger at doing it when it matters most. Sexually and in the ordinary doings of life, in the difficult times especially.

If you are single its sexy and attractive to know what’s deeply opening to you and a potential partner. It starts from the first date, the offering of love and trust, in small steps that grow over time if the connection continues.

Three magic words  – yet they would not mean much if there were secrets between a couple, manipulations, or bad intentions. But when they are heartfelt offerings, they increase polarity and magnify the love and trust that lives at the heart of the universe and in all of us.

with love

Cynthia

The post I Love You: I Trust You appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

I meet a lot of people struggling with sexual and relationship issues. They may have loss of interest in sexuality or feel uneasy about meeting a partner. Sometimes they are longing for more fulfilling, amazing love-making. These problems or issues are wholly or partly caused by a lack of polarity in their relationships. This Polarity, Sex and Self-love article explores how and why this happens.

Sexual polarity is the opposite poles of masculine and feminine activating a magnetic desire to come together. Polarity is an essential fact of the biology of creating human life. And in any sexual encounter, whether for procreation or not, we experience different amounts of polarity. This difference in levels of polarity and attraction creates either thrilling, satisfying, wide open sex or a rather ho-hum ‘going through the motions’ experience that may be pleasurable like a massage. We often get this polarity naturally in the ‘honeymoon’ phase of a relationship, finding this fades over time. But polarity and attraction can be kept alive and even increased over decades.

Loss of libido is often a result of a weakening of polarity. Ageing, illness and stress play a part, but surprisingly, too much familiarity and intimacy can be a major killer of desire. These create safety, but they also decrease the differences. You need the opposites to activate the flow of sexy love at the heart of each couple. Masculine and feminine meeting to create love.

When this flow of differences is activated you have one partner holding, penetrating and guiding the energy and the other person flowing, surrendering and receiving. This can swap at times too, but usually each person will more naturally inhabit one of poles of masculine and feminine. (To make it easier I’m going to refer to the man as masculine and woman as feminine, but it doesn’t always line up with gender.)

What often happens when the polarity is unnaturally reversed or weakened, is the man loses his core energy and becomes withdrawn, indecisive or needy. His woman is not drawn to him, she can even be repelled. She can’t relax into his energy and open to his penetration. She may have sex because she loves him, but she won’t feel thrilled to open to him and tenderly reveal and offer her deepest heart and bodily gifts. And if a woman becomes overly identified with her masculine energy and starts directing and guiding a man this will repel him.  Again he may tolerate it because he loves her, but he will withdraw, lose interest sexually or give in to please her.

Over time both partners shut down their sexual energy and may become loving companions, co-parents, business partners. Infidelity then becomes a risk. As soon as someone meets another man or woman they experience more polarity with, their desire re-arises naturally. They may mistakenly think it is to do with the new person, but in fact it can be the lack of polarity with their committed partner, something that can be changed. This would help with our divorce rate!

Polarity cuts through a lot of sexual issues as it arouses natural desires and actions. Libido imbalances are often adjusted as polarity increases. A glance, a word, a feeling can create huge charge. This is an art that can be cultivated over a lifetime. Sexual poses spontaneously evolve during love making, as the bodies are attracted energetically. Orgasm is easier for the women as she can let-go and surrender to her own desire and energy through him.

It’s a magical and earthy experience when deep polarity inhabits a loving couple. Beyond words or thought. Hopefully we have all had a taste of this experience. Sweet, fierce, raw, tender, wild, deep, crazy, blissful, sublime energies are released. The sense of the relationship as a union between lovers, man and woman is grounded and carries into the everyday moments of life. A core pathway to deeper love, integrity and authentic being.

Self-love is also influenced by polarity. Loving your feminine and masculine energies without judgment is liberating. If you have a masculine essence and are more identified with the dynamic, meditative or witnessing energies and seek purpose and freedom, that’s great! Or if you are a feminine essence and love being in flow, connection, mystery and seek love and relating then that’s beautiful. We are different – and complementary.

Many men judge their powerful masculine energy as potentially harsh, abusive, unfeeling, overpowering. Many women judge their feminine energy as too vulnerable, weak, emotional, chaotic or intimidating. These beliefs are symptoms of our cultural conditioning. There can also be a subtle rejection of our essence, neutralizing it in the name of inner balance, spirituality, serenity, and self-sufficiency. Of course we all have both masculine and feminine within us, but in the pursuit of balancing up these energies for the sake of individual integration, we have cut off from our authentic essential gifts. Embracing our own essence is a very necessary part of self-love. We may suddenly feel truly at home in ourselves for the first time.

Meeting a potential partner is also very different when you understand the nature of masculine and feminine attraction. The more you are in your own essence the more you will attract your opposite. If you are attracting weak polarity, look to what you are doing with your own energy. This is something you can change.

Polarity is not the same as love. Polarity can be present without any love, which can lead to uncommitted, sexualized relationships. And love can also be there without attraction leading to neutralized relationships without much spark or sexuality. Having both polarity and love is the holy grail of relationships. The good news is that it can be cultivated.

Practicing the tips for women and men are helpful ways to connect to and increase your essence. It may take soul-searching and integrity for the man and movement and expression, deep feeling for the woman. Also as too much familiarity dulls the polarity, taking some time alone or with your men or women friends increases yin or yang. Then the meeting with the beloved is much more enlivened.

The feminine expands from being deeply seen and loved, the masculine grows through facing challenges with integrity and clarity. So women if you find yourself rescuing, counselling, helping him you are possibly feminizing the men in your life. Trusting them to sort things out while giving your loving feminine feedback is empowering to men. Men if you find yourself expecting her to be organized, problem solving and accountable you are possibly masculinizing her. Appreciating and loving her reminds her that she is love itself and she will open and relax into your masculine energy.

When you have increased your polarity some issues just fade away or are resolved much more quickly. Sometimes we need therapy too, especially if trauma is blocking creating polarity. However a flow of sexy, polarised love makes it all much more natural and real. We are so fortunate to have this source of love, mystery and attraction right with us and in our relationships.

with love

Cynthia

The post Polarity, Sex and Self-love appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.