In our modern world there are unique challenges for singles. Online dating and the internet culture can be hard to navigate.  And its easy to get discouraged or depressed by no-show coffee dates, ghosting, rude online behaviour, even meeting nice people you are not really attracted to. But the desire for an intimate relationship doesn’t go away, it just gets buried in the “too hard basket.” Naturally it can take a while to meet someone right for you, online or offline. It’s important to keep your masculine consciousness and feminine radiance alive and strong.  These ways how to stay positive when single are helpful at any time.

1. Have a clear vision

A vision for relationship is not a laundry list of must-have qualities, hoops that a potential partner will have to jump through. It is a feeling and thought sense of what you want to create, an invitation to fulfilment. Your vision keeps you focused and open to what you really want. It aligns you and represents powerful choices for yourself. It is an essential part of the artistry of life. Keep it open and expansive, not narrow or rigid.

Create and revisit your vision every now and then to see if it’s till what you want. Allow it to happen.

2. Work on what is in the way of intimacy and love for you.

When you are in a relationship the work around intimacy will continue, so it is good to start now. For example, if  you are living a hermit lifestyle and dreaming of a sexy god or goddess in your bed, there are probably a few steps to take along the way. Like learning how to relate more openly to people in general. Come down from the mountain, come off your couch and engage, take risks, open your heart, give your gifts. This is how they will find you anyway.  

Or if you are seeking the perfect love, you would have to be a perfect and that is a lot of pressure to put on a tender meeting of two human beings. Are you being so careful, picky even, because you have been hurt in past relationships?  Whatever it is for you, if you work on your blocks to full heart-openness,  you will feel good and find a pathway opening up towards relationship.

So thoughts like ‘dating is awful’, there is ‘nobody out there for me’, people are just ‘users’ etc. are not true unless you make it so. Self-enquiry, therapy and embodiment practices, journalling and workshops are great ways to help with this.

3. Have boundaries that serve you.

Take your time getting to know a potential partner’s character before you leap in. And if something isn’t right, it isn’t right. Trust the energy in your body.  You don’t have to rush dating or sex – slow it down. It just makes sense to have the first few dates all about being curious and getting to know and enjoy each other. 

Sometimes people when dating ignore their own wisdom and do things they would not normally do, or accept behaviour they would not usually accept. Then the date or new relationship goes pear-shaped and sadly they have reinforced their negative beliefs and attitudes. If you find yourself doing this it’s great to be aware of it and risk speaking up with care, state your own needs and listen to theirs. 

Boundaries are meant to make it safe to fully engage with another, not walls to keep others out.

4. Show up as YOU – flaws and all.

Don’t try too hard. Perhaps you have tried so hard in the past to find a relationship and it still didn’t work. When you are being authentic you will feel more relaxed and your energy will flow more too. If you tend to behave how you think will make others will like you, it offers a false self that isn’t sustainable long-term.  And it is exhausting.  Dating does take some effort, but you don’t need to ‘try’.

The date unfolds naturally when you are being yourself and you are not focused on how you are being perceived. This frees you up to focus on the other person. If you are being yourself and your date is not interested, then they are not the right person for you. This way you stay with yourself whatever happens. It also makes you more attractive. The right person will be drawn to the real you. When you accept your flaws it helps the other person relax and be natural too. Both of you feel safe and your true essence can come through more fully.

Using these ways for how to stay positive when single will go a long way to keeping you happy and relaxed while dating. If you are out there doing it, you are already doing well. You are a risk taker and a courageous person.

If you are unable to become positive again you may need some help to shift past experiences. Reach out for support so you can be available for love. Sessions and workshops are a great reset for singles to move forward towards a relationship.

Love

Cynthia

The post How to Stay Positive When Single appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

In current times Valentine’s Day is all about romantic love, expressed through flowers, gifts and special outings. It generally appeals to the feminine as a sign she is loved and valued. For the masculine it can be daunting or of little value to himself, so a deeper intention will likely help him embrace it. Valentine’s Day – Beyond Romance – is that even possible?

If you are missing romance in your life, feeling unseen or unappreciated, it can feel like a craving to have it. Or you may have even shut down on wanting that or not care about it at all. But Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to go beyond romantic love into a deeper union of sacred relationships. To expand your love and freedom, whether single or in a couple.

For couples infusing deeper love into the humdrum of daily life can have real, positive effects. You can go beyond flowers and chocolates into offering your partner ‘worship’ of the divine in them and they in you. The feminine loves to be seen and appreciated as the goddess of love, see my previous blog on worshipping the feminine. And he loves to be recognised as the noble hero in her life, see my previous blog on worshipping the masculine.

If your relationship is going through a challenging time, Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of what is missing. Instead of ignoring it, you could write a card or celebrate it saying something like “I know things aren’t great between us right now, but I still love you and I honour your love for me.”

For some singles the day can be more challenging, a reminder of loneliness or longing for something you don’t have yet, but it doesn’t have to be. Look deeper into what you most truly want in a relationship and honour that. Look beyond romance to the union you will cherish in the future.

Some singles celebrate by appreciating a special platonic friend. And a “Galentines” gathering could be a blissful women’s evening of opening and joy.

Going deeper into love can feel awkward or scary. Valentine’s Day – Beyond Romance means we don’t have to get it “right”. We are going deeper than the personality and our identities into a recognition of life and love itself. Don’t worry about it being reciprocated. Love and presence comes back to us in some form or another.

Love
Cynthia

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Valentine’s Day has a rich history, encompassing both gruesome Christian martyrdom (Saint Valentine), pagan fertility rituals (a wild Roman festival), and romantic love (thanks to the likes of Shakespeare, Chaucer, and eventually Hallmark Cards).

Today however Valentine’s Day is often associated with the commercial exploitation of romance. Our expectations of what the day should be like are shaped by media and businesses keen to sell us roses, chocolates, and spa packages, and many choose to escape the whole fuss altogether. But for others the day still holds meaning. So Valentine’s Day: Embrace or Escape? It is easy to escape but there is a lot of love energy being released on this day so why not embrace and harness it, making a deeper meaning for ourselves?

Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to start or renew your sacred practice, expanding love and freedom, and to give it an upgrade for the future.

For couples you can do something uniquely loving and honouring for your partner. Even if the devotional gestures feel “artificial” because it’s a nominated day, infusing deeper love into the humdrum of life can have real, positive effects. If you don’t give a toss about it but your partner does, then you can do something special and loving for their sake, and find a way to make it your own.

If your relationship is going through a rough time, Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder of what is missing. And, it can still be a chance to acknowledge the love that does exist, even if you are struggling. You could say something like “I know things aren’t great between us right now, but I still love you and I honour your love for me.”  Celebrating your persistence in hanging in there to find more sacred love and freedom. Setting a new pattern, a restart.

For those couples who are filled with love, Valentine’s Day is a chance to surprise your beloved with something that reveals how much you care. While the masculine may not show it matters to him, he will still be touched by her effort. He likes to be recognised as the noble hero in her life, especially if her gift is flirty or sexy in nature, the gift of herself. The feminine loves to be seen and appreciated as the goddess, so if roses come with his clunky love poem attached that will be the best poem ever when it’s written about her.

For singles the day can be more challenging, a reminder of loneliness or longing for something you don’t have yet, but it doesn’t have to be. Some people choose to ignore it as a distraction (masculine especially), while others buy themselves flowers and chocolates to delight and show self-love (feminine especially). But there are other options too. A single man I know once sent Valentine’s Day texts to a few female friends, celebrating their unique beauty and love, without any romantic connotations, but to make sure they all felt special and seen. Reaching out to one or two people who would appreciate it can also be a way to feel the love within. Elevating their day and yours as well.

Some singles celebrate by taking out a special friend. And a “Galentines” gathering could be a blissful women’s evening. Others spread love on social media by posting sweet poems, grateful thanks and quotes about love. With so much negativity and fear in the world, I believe it is necessary to balance it out with sacred love that honours and transforms. Love One Another.

If you feel awkward about expressing your love, remember awkwardness isn’t a red light, it’s a sign you are about to do something valuable. Embrace the feeling, breathe, and do it anyway. Whatever arises when you express love, the light and the dark feelings, are all part of love.

And who knows that chocolate box might hold dark chocolates too, not just light ones, that take you on a deeper journey into sacred love. Valentine’s Day: Embrace or Escape? Escape if you must, embrace if you can.

Love

Cynthia

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Christmas holidays are coming up and for many people it’s a time for family, friends, parties or just having a quiet break to restore and recharge after a busy year. Why not use this time to reignite your intimate life, whether you are single or partnered? Here are 5 Tips for Your Intimacy recharge.

Our sexual energy and intimacy are natural and beautiful aspects of our human life. Sadly, if sex and/or intimacy becomes difficult, or a source of conflict or shame we start avoiding it, finding excuses to do other things. “I’m way too busy to go on dates”.  “I’m just too tired to have sex”. “They are not so attractive to me anymore.” “I have family staying and need to look after them”. “It’s school holidays…”

Many of these excuses are really protection from past hurts and disappointments, or not knowing what to do to improve your intimacy.

For couples who are together for many years, it is common for the sexual spark to lessen. There can be deep love, but things can get very functional, and you can start to drift apart. As hard as it can be to face, it’s worth prioritizing a pathway back to that wonderful closeness and passion.

Many singles are happy with their full lives, so the effort and time needed to start a new relationship can be daunting. Or deep-down there is discouragement which creates cynicism. Be honest about what you really want and align your actions with that. Don’t wait for love.

What do you do to cultivate intimacy in your life?

Here are 5 Tips that will help you recharge your intimacy:

1. First up

Couples: Plan regular time slots just for you two, no matter how busy you are. Put it in the calendar and guard it fiercely. Because you do matter. Make some of this time where you are in a private comfortable space and can lie down and bring your bodies together, whether sexually or just touching and breathing gently together. Reconnect, with little talking, more feeling. Check in afterwards with other.

Take a risk with some silly sex play… dressing up, new places to make love or go on dates, whatever feels good. Laugh.

Singles: This is a great time to meet new people as many singles are on holidays and wanting to connect. But do you have space for that to happen? If you are into online dating, go search, click, swipe, whatever and make coffee dates. If not online dating take time to be where people can see you and approach you. Ask your friends to look out for you and make introductions.

2. Release the armour

Let go of body tensions, stiffness and soreness with massage, stretching, yoga, summer swims etc. This destressing makes you more alive and relaxed and you can bring this to your intimacy and connection. Without your body “armour” you will feel more open and ready for love. Do it at the beginning of your holiday if you can.

3. Goodbyes

As the year ends, it’s a good time to reflect on what’s ending for you and create space for new intimacy in your life. No forcing, just acknowledging what you are letting go of, what has come full cycle, and let it dissolve. With your favourite drink late at night or on your yoga mat at dawn – make some notes and feel it. And the space that opens as a result.

4. Dream and discover 

Spend some quality time alone to nurture your own essence. Connection with yourself becomes the offering to your partner or future partner. Get to know what you truly want and are ready to give. What are your fears? Listen to your dreams, meditate, journal, share, dance it out, whatever your method of reflection and strengthening the channel to your inner world. Surprise your beloveds, take some sexy risks when appropriate. Get ready for the new year to come.

5. Rsvp please!

Be fearless about your invitation into intimacy. Be open to others invitation too. This may be a partner, friends or family. People who are coming together for connection and fun can also go home feeling their intimate lives have been enriched.

love

Cynthia

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As we navigate our way out of lockdown and border closures, especially in Australia but also elsewhere, there are unique challenges for singles. Old fears and disappointments can resurface as dating resumes. It can be discouraging to have no-show coffee dates, rude online behaviour, even meeting nice people you are not attracted to. Some people are reluctant to start dating again, others are scared to actually meet the person they have been chatting to online for three months. A few go the distance and stay open and positive. But the desire to meet a partner for an intimate relationship doesn’t go away, it just gets buried in the “too hard basket.” Below are 3 ways to stay positive when single.

Occasionally but rarely that perfect person drops in your lap and they want the same thing you do. But it can also take a while to meet someone right, and it can be hard to stay open and present. In the process, our masculine consciousness and feminine radiance can get dimmed. These 3 ways to stay positive when single are helpful at any time.

1. Work on what is in the way of intimacy for you. When you are in a relationship this work around intimacy will continue, so it is good to start now. For example, if  you are living a hermit lifestyle (masculine) and dreaming of a sexy goddess in your bed, there are probably a few steps to take along the way. Like learning how to relate more openly to people in general. Come down from the mountain and engage, take risks, open your heart, give your gifts. This is how she will find you anyway.  Or if you are seeking the perfect love (feminine), you would have to be a perfect and that is a lot of pressure to put on a tender meeting of two human beings. Are you being so careful because you have been hurt in past relationships?  Whatever it is for you, if you work on your blocks to full heart-openness,  you will feel good and find a pathway opening up towards relationship. Therapy and embodiment practices are great things to do at this time.
2. Have boundaries that serve you. Take your time getting to know someone’s character before you leap in. And if something isn’t right, it isn’t right. Trust the energy in your body. Even as we rush out into ‘real life’, you don’t have to rush dating. One thing that has been good about lockdowns is it has made people slow down on their dating process. A first in-person date that’s all about being curious and getting to know and enjoy someone, is intelligent. Sometimes people ignore their own wisdom and do things they would not normally do, or accept behaviour they would not usually accept. Then the date or new relationship goes pear-shaped and they have reinforced their negative beliefs and attitudes. So ‘dating is awful’, there is ‘nobody out there for me’, people are just ‘users’ etc. No, that’s not true unless you make it so. 
3. Show up as YOU – flaws and all. Don’t try too hard. Perhaps you tried so hard in the past and it still didn’t work. When you are being authentic you will feel more relaxed and your energy will flow more too. If you tend to present yourself how you think others will like you, it offers a false self that isn’t sustainable long-term.  And it is exhausting.  Dating does take some effort, but you don’t need to ‘try’. The date unfolds naturally when you are being yourself and you are not focused on how you are being perceived. This frees you up to focus on the other person. If you are being yourself and your date is not interested, then they are not the right person for you. This way you stay with yourself whatever happens. It also makes you more attractive. The right person will be drawn to the real you. When you accept your flaws it helps the other person relax and be natural too. Both of you feel safe and your true essence can come through more fully.

Using these 3 ways to stay positive when single will go a long way to keeping you happy and relaxed while dating. If you are out there doing it, you are already doing well. You are a risk taker and a courageous person.

If you are unable to become positive again you may need some help to shift past experiences. Reach out for support so you can be available for love.

Love

Cynthia

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What is sexier? What is most loving? What question we ask has a profound effect on our lives and relationships.

Let’s take some simple and frequent interactions between a couple. Who will put out the cat? Or plan the holidays? Who will take out the dirty rubbish? Who will wash up tonight?

Or if you are dating – ‘Who will pay for the dinner out? Or will initiate the next date? Who drives or gets picked up? Or meet there independently?’

Or if you are doing your own thing. Will I dance or watch TV?  Will I focus on work now or relax?

Many of these questions used to be answered by rules and roles of gender.

Many of these questions used to be answered by rules and roles of gender. Now they tend be answered by What is equal? What is fair?

In our western culture, we are programmed to ask, ‘What is fair?’ and if something isn’t fair we can feel righteous and justified in our disapproval of it. As though we should always balance the scales. And fairness is a good thing when it comes to equal pay, or food distribution for example, but it may not be the best or right question to ask in a relationship.

If you ask the question ‘What is sexier?’ or ‘What is most loving?’ you may end up with a very different answer than ‘What is fair?’ But we want fairness, don’t we? No-one wants to be taken advantage of by the other. And yet, if you are in the realm of relationship and dating, it will be much more creative to ask, ‘What is sexier?’ Or to create a deeper safety and love bubble by asking ‘What is most loving?’

COUPLES: What is sexier? What is most loving?

Generally if you want to increase the polarity of attraction it’s best for the masculine* partner to do the jobs that will allow the feminine partner to relax, stay warm, let-go, feel protected, rather than her toughening up, doing the dirty jobs and being independent. She can usually do these things perfectly well and will do them when alone, but when she is with him, if he takes this on, she will relax into her feminine flow and radiance.

Stress is a big obstacle to feminine fulfilment.

Stress is a big obstacle to feminine fulfilment. So anything that de-stresses her, that removes a burden and a worry, will help her open up, be more radiant and alive. More orgasmic.

If you expect her to be an ‘equal’ partner in jobs, or pay her own way every time you date, you will have equality and fairness, but not polarity and attraction.

Who drives when you go out together? Do you base it on who did it last time? or is it sexier if he uses his directional abilities and ‘go’ energy to take her somewhere. He can also ask her to drive. Or perhaps its sexier for you both when she drives and he is tuning into her. However, if she is focused and navigating she will feel a tension that is totally fine but…. What is sexier?

You can also ask ‘What is more loving?’ This is a great question if you want more love, closeness and intimacy in your relating and in your life. And of a higher order than What is fair? However, love can be caring and not necessarily sexy. Is it sexy for a woman to lovingly look after her man? Possibly yes, when he is feeling low or exhausted, some nurturing will be restorative and helps him feel alive again. But too much of this maternal energy can start to diminish the polarity, he will feel her as a source of motherly love and friendship, but not necessarily as someone he sexually desires.

Being his friend, carer, mentor, therapist, guide, may be extremely loving and necessary at times, but it will be depolarizing, not sexy or creating passion and attraction. This is different from gifting him with your feminine power and energy. You may say and do things that could be shocking and wild, however they can be loving, and sexy and very unfair!!

But if the man is being fatherly, a teacher, mentor, guru, therapist, it can be very polarizing and sexy, as he is giving her wisdom and guidance and she is following and valuing that.

Him honouring her feminine power can also be sexy, but in what way? If it’s from a delight in her fullness, and the excitement of matching that, it’s sexy. If it’s from a sense of relief that she will take that role off you, it’s not sexy at all.

When she receives a bigger share of romantic gifts it’s not fair, but it’s sexier. As is her gifting him with an experience that gives him wildness and freedom. It may be reversed in your couple, just find out but by the question you ask.

If you are saying, ‘but I love all these things too!’ that’s great, but ask the question What is Sexier? What is most Loving? or also “What is deeper?’ and surrender to the answer.

DATING: What is sexier? What is most loving?

If you are a woman with a feminine essence and initiating a date with a man, this may be sexier because he wants to know you are interested in him. But if you are always initiating, after a while it may not be so sexy as he becomes the hunted and you the hunter.  If he initiates, he feels the challenge of the hunter energy and this is mostly sexier to both

Generally, it is sexier for her to invite and receive and for him to initiate and penetrate, this evokes the polarity of masculine and feminine. You may find it sexy though to swop this occasionally. There is no rule. It’s up to the two of you to ask the question that will lead to the experience you want to have.

On a date, if the man plans it and takes a woman on an adventure, or is listening to her desires and m
aking them happen, that’s sexy, and loving. If he is dictating what will happen without tuning into her, it’s not sexy or loving at all. She will feel dominated and controlled, rather than seen and guided and opened.

A conversation about your relationship may be necessary, but is it sexy? If both people are staying open and sharing their true responses with love, and for her to be in her flow of vulnerability and feeling, it can be very sexy. If both are in a ‘meta’ state of awareness, self-responsibility and holding space, it can be very productive and clearing, but it won’t increase polarity at all. So, if you need to have this kind of talk, let it be messy and real. Know you may need to reestablish polarity afterwards, to reinstate the feeling of union and attraction.

SOLO

This also applies to our lives, day by day. If you are contemplating where to put your time, attention and energy, work out the right question to ask. If you want to increase your own essence, sensuality, heart-openness, purposefulness or freedom, what question do you need to ask?

It’s not an interrogation method, it’s an inquiry, a looking at and feeling into our lives, desires and choices. If we say we want a partner but then choose to stay home all the time, we probably aren’t asking the question to create the result we desire.

If we want to be more feminine but are always running masculine tasks and jobs and lists it’s not going to enhance feminine essence. Similarly, if we want to increase masculinity then choosing to often enjoy your pleasurable, flowing activities won’t work.

What is your best question?

This is not about being a martyr or a pleaser, it’s about mastery. What is your best question –  What is sexier? What is most loving?

Appreciating you with love and trust,

Cynthia

*For ease I’m referring here to the masculine essence as a man, and feminine essence was a woman, however it not always gender based.

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You will not be surprised that one of my favorite subjects is masculine and feminine essence and polarity. When this union and interplay is working well we feel enlivened, authentic, and like we have come home to ourselves. When it isn’t working so well we can feel uncomfortable, deadened, exhausted and uninspired with life or with our relationships. Or just having a sense that something could be better, or the passion is missing. Fortunately, there are numerous ways to strengthen and nurture your masculine or feminine essence.

People often don’t realise that one of the major ways we can enhance our essence is to spend time with others of the same essence. Yin (feminine) increases yin, and yang (masculine) increases yang.

 “spending too much time with women/feminine”

If you are a masculine essence, and you are feeling confused or purposeless or uninspired, check in and see if you are spending too much time with feminine essence beings. Perhaps you are with your partner 24/7. Or socialising only with feminine friends, being a ‘buddy’, or are working mostly with the feminine. Or you may be alone a lot of the time, without masculine company.

If you spend time with good people who have a masculine essence this will increase your own. Whether that’s in a men’s group, a sports club, a bar, or some time with a good masculine friend. The masculine grows by challenge, and together you can activate the core masculine. Be willing to challenge others and be challenged yourself in a way that takes you deeper into your authentic masculine self.

 “feeling unattractive, overworked or unseen”

For feminine/women, if you are overdoing your masculine energy you may be feeling angular, tired, lacking sex drive, unattractive, overworked or unseen. You can help this by nurturing your feminine essence and taking time to be with loving feminine essence in a certain way. This means unfocused, enjoyable, flowing time together, without too many plans, and lots of laughter or tears.

It may include creativity, movement, touch, pampering, shopping, or simply soulful communing over a shared meal. This will be restorative to your radiance and shining heart. The feminine opens through being seen and verbally appreciated so make sure you give freely to each other in this way. You will emerge back into your life restored.

“they feel uncomfortable, even afraid”

I often have people telling me they don’t like spending quality time with the same sex. They feel uncomfortable, even afraid. This can be because of several things, but generally it’s because of our childhood. Often the same sex parent may have been emotionally unsafe, and this is triggered. It is even more important then to find others with who you feel safe and can express your vulnerability. This allows the fear to unravel and your essence will grow stronger.

“more attraction and passionate sexuality”

Couples, if you are spending all your time together it is highly important to be with others of the same sex, as described above. Then you you come back to each other in heightened polarity, which means more attraction and passionate sexuality – and less arguments.

Singles before you go on a date or to meet a potential partner, spend time with same-sex friends beforehand. This will make you enhanced in your essence and more magnetic and attractive, less neutralised. I hear from singles they are going on dates and ending up with many ‘friends’ and no lover. This is one way to stop that. Be compelling in your essence.

More ways to strengthen your masculine or feminine essence here!

with love

Cynthia

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The Feminine Mystery. What does that mean? And what does it mean ‘men – surf the feminine mystery’.

The feminine essence is mysterious, elusive, flowing and often unpredictable. Changing from soft and calm to fiery and chaotic. She defies rational thought and lives inside the great mystery of life. She seems to slide away just when you think you have her figured out. Like the ocean.

A mystery cannot be known, but it can be loved. If the Masculine essence can embrace the mystery and provide good boundaries that help her life, then she will gift him with a ring side seat to the theatre of her mystery as it unfolds.

Imagine living with an oceanic mystery of love where you don’t know what will come in the next moment! How thrilling. This can only happen if the feminine one is willing to trust her energy, her feelings, her life force itself. And if she trusts her masculine partner to reveal all of herself to him.

The feminine is a tremendously powerful force, especially when she allows her energies to be fully expressed, not as a chaotic array of weapons, but as the forces of love.

For a feminine orientated person to trust that she is in essence not the same as as the masculine, is revolutionary. Most women are conditioned to try and be like men – thinking, planning, rationalising, understanding, directing – all great qualities that she absolutely needs. But if she has predominantly feminine essence then this denies the true nature of her wild, unpredictable self. The self that can love gently or fiercely depending on what is called out from her by each moment.

Men are sometimes confused, afraid or dismissing of the feminine mystery because they do not know it, value it or understand it. If he can accept that she can’t actually be understood as he understands men, rather that she is longing to be seen, appreciated, loved and desired as the mystery that she is, then he will receive her sacred self.

She doesn’t open up to the masculine trying to figure her out, although she may appreciate his efforts, she will be unattracted to his attempts to control, define, fix, or sort-out. However if he can be present with her, deeply enjoy her as the mystery, penetrate and support her so her life becomes more relaxed, then she will shower him with devotion and reveal all the amazing colours, flavours and textures of her feminine essence and love.

Men may prefer to use their directed energy to go straight to the point of the matter but if they are around a woman gifting them with her feminine essence he gets to the point in a series of waves and surges. Learning to ‘surf’ he appreciates the journey, not just the destination. He has respect for the ocean and enjoys the ride.

with love

Cynthia

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1. Make it your own

You decide what sort of Christmas holiday season you really want to have. Let’s make it a time of real Intimacy and Love, your way.

This season of the year can be great fun but also it can be challenging.  We may find ourselves following the herd, or acting out our old beliefs.  Let your imagination run free for a moment. Who do you want to be? A loving, free being or an over-indulged complainer? On holidays we often step out of familiar routines and discover some hidden parts of ourselves. Not all are love and light either. Check in with yourself in some quiet moments. Lots of opportunity for spiritual practice!

How can you nourish yourself and others in the most rewarding way this year? If you just give out you will burn out, and that is not fun.

What is your best form of celebration and joy, relaxation and loving connections? Is it having time in nature with friends, or intimacy with your partner.  Or catching up with the family?  Taking your children on adventures?  When you can make space for this everyone will be happier.

If you are alone at Christmas or in a difficult situation this year, how can you turn it around?  At Christmas we are barraged with the ideals of the perfect family and relationships, and we feel inadequate, then depression can escalate. Change the picture. Initiate, and let your friends or family know what you need.  You are not alone if you reach out. There are many forms of intimacy.

2. Growing the Love

Recent brain research shows that we need to savour the good, positive loving experiences in life. Dwelling on these experiences, instead of quickly moving on, rewires us for happiness. Happiness creates the conditions for love, abundance and a deep sense of self-worth. It also makes it easier to achieve our heart-goals.

Savouring even one positive moment in our day has more value than we know. The brain is wired to notice the threats, the negative, so that we will survive. Deliberately putting our attention on the good counteracts this automatic orientation.

Practice 1: When good things happen to you, expand, breathe, feel the flavour, shape and texture of the love. Even if it’s a small thing. If you are in a relationship, do this with your partner – drink in and enjoy the loving moments, savour and celebrate them inside you.

Practice 2: Find a quiet corner and make a list of all your achievements, wins, openings, breakthroughs and positive changes during the past year. This creates your essential ‘launching pad’ for next year’s heart-goals. You can share your list with a friend, and expand it together. Notice if you have any resistance to focusing on this. It’s not possible to create afresh in the new year without acknowledging what we have already done.

3. Breathe deep to expand your life force, inhale life

The breath is the our key to life. If our breath is shallow and contracted we are keeping life out and thus our feelings pushed down. It may feel safer initially but eventually it becomes the opposite, keeping us isolated and protected from all the meaningful moments of this precious life.

The art is to allow your breath to drop deeper into your body while you relax. Not to force your breathing or strain to achieve technical breathing patterns as this causes tension itself. Rather you can notice over the day if you have contracted your breathing and then deliberately relax it. See what happens and when and why your breath changes. Spend a few minutes focusing on the breath being full in your belly and chest, expanding your body with the breath, but then let the technique go and relax, allowing your breath to go deeper.

Is it easier for you to inhale or exhale deeply? If we are afraid, we don’t inhale fully, if we are stuck we don’t exhale fully. By deliberately increasing our inhale or exhale we change our relationships and our life.

This deeper breathing will come in handy when your uncle is drunk and deadly, your kids are tired, you have a headache, your partner has a headache (in bed), you had one too many cocktails or your new lover decides he needs to be santa claus. Breathe!

4. Resolution and endings – breathing out

As the year comes to an end it’s a good time to look inside, pray, do your sadhana, reflect on what’s ending, and let it go as you wish. No forcing, just acknowledging what’s ending and feel it dissolving back into existence. Choose your deepest, most powerful time to do the work. Perhaps with a glass of wine late at night or on your yoga mat at dawn…..

5. Say yes to what is!

What we resist tends to hang around so if you find yourself gritting your teeth over the commercial jingles, the cultural expectations, the family patterns, the drunken squabbles, then practice the way of the Tao. Be like water that flows around obstacles and keeps swishing its own merry way. Breathe and create afresh. Be who you want to be.

Love and a desire to be appreciated lies underneath everything, so if we can say yes to whatever experiences are presenting themselves right now, then we have the opportunity in the next moment to be creative and shift the reality. If we say no to what is, we become stuck and frozen in resistance, and that Christmas jingle will be playing in your head all year.

Be with what is here and now.

6. Exercise, rest and water

You know what to do.

7. Celebrate with passion

with love

Cynthia

The post Nine tips to increase Intimacy and Love this Christmas appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.

Over the last twenty years, like many of you, I have been partnered and single and understand the unique openings and challenges of both. Many of my single clients complain that they never meet potential partners and yet are reluctant to try online dating, or tried it and gave up. I have written Online Dating Tips for Singles to help change that.

As online dating is now the biggest source of single people looking for love, isn’t it crazy to ignore it, hoping you will run into someone at the farmers market as you both reach for the same avocado?  How many times in your life have you truly been in love with a great partner? Not that many I bet, so its not an every day occurrence and it isn’t likely to happen in a week on rsvp, bumble or tinder. However the following Online Dating Tips for Singles can make your experiences much easier and more successful.

A growing number of singles are finding love online – both in dating sites or social media, and the percentage is very high for older age groups. So it’s a good place to meet potential partners.

But how to avoid disappointment, frustration and giving up? Here are some Online Dating Tips for Singles  to enhance your experience:

1. Polarity between the sexes works the same online as in face to face meetings. Masculine and feminine essence are like magnets to each other.  So if you want to attract your desirable opposite the first step is for your ‘profile’ to project your essence. If you are have a masculine essence, those with a feminine essence reading your profile are drawn to your presence, lack of ego, and a mix of security and adventure. A man who loves and honors women and knows how to hold steady in the midst of feminine flow is very attractive. Using too many words will make women feel like they are chatting to a girlfriend rather than being riveted by a man. A good photo where you look into the camera with direct eye contact (and absolutely no sunglasses) will be a major draw card.  Calling yourself a ‘boy’ or ‘lonely’ in your profile name is generally a turn–off to women.
2. If you are a woman, men may not be primarily interested in your job or career but more drawn to your unique, feminine ‘shakti’ (life force) essence. Your playful, warm or offbeat nature is compelling. They want to feel ‘you’ through the words. A profile is not a resume or a job application, its an invitation. Part of that invitation will be your radiance, the inner glow of the heart coming through. Your achievements in the world are important as they show how interesting and textured you are, and stable. If you emphasize the sexual you will attract men looking more for sex. Your openness, self honoring and sense of fun will attract men looking for a woman to enhance their life. Have a close friend or two look at your profile and give feedback.
3. Create a profile that ‘shows’ who you are through real life examples, rather than lists of qualities or activities. Don’t be afraid to be quirky, heartfelt and in the moment.
4. Online dating is not for the faint hearted – there will be disappointments, fakes and players but there are also great people looking for love. Some people have one ‘bad’ connection and run away, reinforcing their belief that ‘there are no good men/women out there’, and miss out.
5. Don’t spend too much time on messages or emails, progress quickly to a phone call or a coffee date. If they are long distance be wary of investing months of connecting (aka projecting) before you meet up in person.
6. Having a rigid set of criteria for a partner is a barrier. Online dating can be flawed by the mind being too judgmental, mentally sitting back with a list that no-one can live up to. In person, when we meet someone at work or socially, we feel their whole being and how our heart resonates with theirs, as well as alignment and chemistry. Do the same online, be open to the connection, the polarity, the shared values and vision, and see how love’s magic want to unfold. There is a place for discernment (and protection) but be alert how you are using it. Use it to take care of yourself, not to fulfil negative beliefs that love is not for you.
7. And once you start dating the fun begins! And even when you think you have found Mr or Ms Right, its a good idea not to become exclusive with anyone until you have the relationship you want.

I do hope these online dating tips for singles are helpful to you in your adventures in love.

with love

Cynthia

The post Online Dating Tips for Singles appeared first on Living Love | Relationship Workshops & Coaching for Intimacy, Connection & Growth.