The critic that kills love

Cynthia ConnopHealing, Life tips, Love tips2 Comments

We often read about the destructiveness of being critical of others, but what about when you are overly critical of yourself? The idea that we have an internal critical voice is not new. Most of us have some awareness that we can be overly critical of ourselves, our bodies, our performance. We even learn to not believe or listen to it too much. We may even gradually acknowledge that it is trying to help us, improve us, keep us safe, in a misguided way. But the critic that kills love is often hard to silence completely.
Do you sometimes have a voice inside you that can be devastating in its harsh criticism, it’s ruthless negative assessments of yourself. A killer critic doesn’t necessarily come through all the time, it can get set off.
In relationship you may feel great until your partner abandons or hurts you. Then the critic will make it your fault. It goes to town on you and ignores their part in it. Sexually, the critic is a pleasure killer, it distracts you from being free and fearless. You can’t let-go and merge as you are in your own head with the painful thoughts. Or at work all is going well and you feel positive about yourself until you get a bad performance review. Then you start savaging yourself with your failings. Or when your business fails or dips, the harsh critic will have you believing you are hopeless and stupid.
Letting the critic loose on one’s body image can lead to severe eating disorders, shame and addiction.
Sound familiar? Many people have a little or a lot of the critic that kills love. Its power is based on being hidden, a voice that we don’t even notice is there. It’s just a familiar thing. But the results are a lack of enthusiasm for life, a closing down in love, giving up on your dreams.
If you have this, or even suspect you might have a touch of it, start writing down what your critic says to you over a day or two. Stop and read it and see how strong it is. Give yourself and the critic a lot of compassion, but refuse to let it take you over. With time, with awareness, the critic that kills love will generally soften and relax. You can integrate the killer critic and be free.
If you need support and help with this, reach out here.

2 Comments on “The critic that kills love”

  1. Very worthy of contemplation, Cynthia.
    My immediate response was a little disrespectful, to myself. One of those hmmm, whatever, inner comments. And that of itself, is something to look at.
    When I was younger , every time I looked in the mirror I was hardly satisfied with my appearance. Now, the blessings of ageing- I am very free in random expressions of my mood, on the day with my body.
    However , I wonder if that ‘disappearing-into-the-whatever ‘ mist retracts my art-life.
    I’ve had some marvellous opportunities to exhibit world-wide over the years. A wonderful NY company supported me(and others), with virtual exhibitions in Brooklyn, Times Square, and even in the entrance gallery in the Louvre, Paris.
    All of that felt quite nebulous, though exciting for a moment, and no further connections were forthcoming.
    I was told as a young teenager that I wouldn’t ever make money as an artist. So I became very intellectually focused instead. Art wanted to have me though.
    Mostly, I feel very happy being creative and I receive wonderful feedback from clients.
    However , I think I maybe still have an inner critic momentum. I do believe that my perceptions of the outside world define my responses.
    Hmmm. . . Will talk with my inner guidance.
    Thank you Cynthia

    1. hi Avalyn,

      What a great contemplation. When you say “I do believe that my perceptions of the outside world define my responses” I also see how we make those external critical responses internal.

      I’m glad art got you. 🙂

      We do need critical faculties, but especially in creative endeavours it’s not helpful at the beginning when it can kill creativity.

      Wishing you many more marvellous opportunities!



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