In our modern world there are unique challenges for singles. Online dating and the internet culture can be hard to navigate. And its easy to get discouraged or depressed by no-show coffee dates, ghosting, rude online behaviour, even meeting nice people you are not really attracted to. But the desire for an intimate relationship doesn’t go away, it just gets buried in the “too hard basket.” Naturally it can take a while to meet someone right for you, online or offline. It’s important to keep your masculine consciousness and feminine radiance alive and strong. These ways how to stay positive when single are helpful at any time.
1. Have a clear vision
A vision for relationship is not a laundry list of must-have qualities, hoops that a potential partner will have to jump through. It is a feeling and thought sense of what you want to create, an invitation to fulfilment. Your vision keeps you focused and open to what you really want. It aligns you and represents powerful choices for yourself. It is an essential part of the artistry of life. Keep it open and expansive, not narrow or rigid.
Create and revisit your vision every now and then to see if it’s till what you want. Allow it to happen.
2. Work on what is in the way of intimacy and love for you.
When you are in a relationship the work around intimacy will continue, so it is good to start now. For example, if you are living a hermit lifestyle and dreaming of a sexy god or goddess in your bed, there are probably a few steps to take along the way. Like learning how to relate more openly to people in general. Come down from the mountain, come off your couch and engage, take risks, open your heart, give your gifts. This is how they will find you anyway.
Or if you are seeking the perfect love, you would have to be a perfect and that is a lot of pressure to put on a tender meeting of two human beings. Are you being so careful, picky even, because you have been hurt in past relationships? Whatever it is for you, if you work on your blocks to full heart-openness, you will feel good and find a pathway opening up towards relationship.
So thoughts like ‘dating is awful’, there is ‘nobody out there for me’, people are just ‘users’ etc. are not true unless you make it so. Self-enquiry, therapy and embodiment practices, journalling and workshops are great ways to help with this.
3. Have boundaries that serve you.
Take your time getting to know a potential partner’s character before you leap in. And if something isn’t right, it isn’t right. Trust the energy in your body. You don’t have to rush dating or sex – slow it down. It just makes sense to have the first few dates all about being curious and getting to know and enjoy each other.
Sometimes people when dating ignore their own wisdom and do things they would not normally do, or accept behaviour they would not usually accept. Then the date or new relationship goes pear-shaped and sadly they have reinforced their negative beliefs and attitudes. If you find yourself doing this it’s great to be aware of it and risk speaking up with care, state your own needs and listen to theirs.
Boundaries are meant to make it safe to fully engage with another, not walls to keep others out.
4. Show up as YOU – flaws and all.
Don’t try too hard. Perhaps you have tried so hard in the past to find a relationship and it still didn’t work. When you are being authentic you will feel more relaxed and your energy will flow more too. If you tend to behave how you think will make others will like you, it offers a false self that isn’t sustainable long-term. And it is exhausting. Dating does take some effort, but you don’t need to ‘try’.
The date unfolds naturally when you are being yourself and you are not focused on how you are being perceived. This frees you up to focus on the other person. If you are being yourself and your date is not interested, then they are not the right person for you. This way you stay with yourself whatever happens. It also makes you more attractive. The right person will be drawn to the real you. When you accept your flaws it helps the other person relax and be natural too. Both of you feel safe and your true essence can come through more fully.
Using these ways for how to stay positive when single will go a long way to keeping you happy and relaxed while dating. If you are out there doing it, you are already doing well. You are a risk taker and a courageous person.
If you are unable to become positive again you may need some help to shift past experiences. Reach out for support so you can be available for love. Sessions and workshops are a great reset for singles to move forward towards a relationship.
Love
