Our masculine and feminine essences bring promises and pitfalls, energy traps and delights. And it’s often just a whisker that makes the difference between what creates more love and what creates suffering. Knowing your masculine and feminine essence, self-inquiry and feedback from your trustable peers is very helpful. Here I have outlined a few key energy traps and energy delights for the masculine and feminine.
“potential” instead of substance
The feminine essence can often fall into the trap of “potential” instead of substance. Looking for the potential in a partner instead of what is actually in front of her. She is naturally alert to all the possibilities in a man*, which is great, except when she blindly chooses this over the reality. This idealising can keep her waiting and hoping and supporting his “potential” for years, while building up resentment and hurt. A boy has potential, a man has what he has integrated and developed over his life, whatever his age.
This is a particular tendency of the feminine essence, as she so wants to trust and love regardless of circumstances. Instead, base your commitment on what a man is actually realising in his life, and you will be much better off in all ways.
The same is true for relationships, focus on what is actually happening instead of that tricky “potential”
The energy delight is when the feminine essence supporting a man in a way that inspires him deeper on his mission. Powerful men usually have the support of at least one woman in the intimate sphere, and many in the public sphere. Knowing that she trusts and supports him even when he is down or going through failure means an enormous amount to a man.
“her open sexual energy is a great gift”
The masculine essence can fall into the trap of a woman’s sexual energy. The pull of this attractive force can blind him to how much love she is capable of flowing through her body. Open sexual energy is a great gift, but it does not equate with how deeply he is able to penetrate her open into full love. This will depend on how connected her heart is to her sexuality, and to how much she is yearning for a masculine force in her life.
The energy delight is that the feminine sexual essence is the most intoxicating energy we know. When entwined with love it is a mind-blowing rapturous, mysterious force that heals and delights. She can stop the rational mind with a flick of her hair, releasing a fragrance that is achingly beautiful for the masculine and inspires him to create for her.
“over-tolerating bad behaviour”
The feminine trap of over-tolerating bad behaviour in their partner. Many female clients talk about actions or non-actions from their partners that leave them feeling hurt, upset and frustrated. I often say to women that they receive what they are willing to tolerate. By not protesting or being discerning, she is silently giving permission to behaviour that may be dishonouring, narcissistic or bullying. If she keeps showering her feminine energy onto a man who is mis-treating her, he may be unaware there is anything wrong. Even if you have talked about it, and you keep staying there for more of it, this sends the message it is ok. He still gets the reward of your luscious sexual essence around him. Seek to be understanding, but not over tolerating.
The energy delight is the feminine ability to forgive with unconditional love from the heart of woman. To find the good in the man, the situation, the relationship. To open to love again and again, even when she has been hurt. This is when she knows her partner is trustable. This makes the relational world flow.
“an absence of drama is heaven”
The masculine trap of wanting her to come without “baggage” i.e hassle free for him. Of course, as the masculine prefers nothingness, an absence of drama is heaven. However, if you demand this from a woman, you are afraid of the whole of her, insisting she only gives you part of herself. Consequently, you won’t receive her full love as she has to keep her emotions and feelings hidden, in case she upsets you and you leave her. This is a primary fear of the feminine essence, so if she loves you, she will bend herself out of shape to be loved and for you to stay. Resentment builds up as her feelings can’t flow
The energy delight is the way the masculine can free himself from drama, not by ignoring or denying but by expanding wider than the entanglement and seeing and feeling a bigger picture. This stance is stable and clear. His truth is evident, his wisdom helpful. The feminine is very drawn to this masculine energy as it swoons her in its unwavering consciousness, around which she can flow and feel. It also enables her to function better in her life. To her it feels very different to when a man wants her to be less emotional or dramatic because he cant handle it.
“accept that your man is human and imperfect”
The feminine trap of expecting him to completely fulfil her. The feminine longing and yearning is vast and ultimately beyond what most human men can do. With ability and practice he can be the deep Shiva who meets you in many ways. But some of her other longings are best fulfilled by her feminine friends, such as intense nurturing or expressing. Women, it is good to accept that your man is human and imperfect, just like you. As long as he is trustable, and at times opening you more than you can open yourself, you can give him respect and love. And your longing.
The energy delight is that her longing and yearning evokes his depth and abilities, his noble heart and his warrior skills. He longs to meet her wherever he can, to help her, to make her happy. To do this he develops presence and heart and his dark, sexy energy, to fully be there for her.
“he can shy away from responsibility”
The masculine trap of mistaking lack of commitment for freedom. The masculine values freedom highly, searching for it in everything he does.It can lead him to solo adventures, extreme sports, and also having lots of lovers. He can shy away from responsibility, feeling trapped, becoming automatically rebellious to authority. As a teenager this makes sense as he needs to forge his own identity, but as he gets older he can get stuck in the perennial freedom seeker, avoiding authentic commitment to what he deeply values.
The energy delight is as a man matures, he searches for the ultimate freedom, the limitlessness of pure being, beyond duality. He realises this is not opposed to full commitments in his life, in fact in fully committing to what he chooses he is at a high level of freedom. Spiritual freedom is indeed beyond circumstances, as some of the great men have proved when faced with extreme adversity.
Do you recognise any of these energy traps and delights in your life and relationships?
With love and appreciation,
*when I refer to man or woman this is for ease of communicating and you can substitute masculine and feminine.
