Do people change?

Cynthia ConnoprelationshipsLeave a Comment

Sundued couple Romantic or tantric

Do people change? We are all changing constantly, growing, ageing, learning about life, so the answer is ‘Yes of course’.

Do people change deep-set patterns and habits, angry tendencies, crippling fear, lack of will etc? Yes, they can and do, but many will not. They don’t get the right support, or they don’t yet know they can change these things. Their patterns feel like safety and can be subconsciously holding up a fragile sense of self or covering over a lot of emotional pain.

The feminine essence can tend to focus on the potential in her partner, seeing what’s possible for him and being willing to help him, to be needed. This is not the same as seeing the heroic nature of the masculine or trusting him to grow and evolve. And not the same as being love, rather than needed.

I have had unhappy women clients argue hard for their boyfriend’s potential, all the while ignoring that he is in his fifties and has achieved nothing he talks about. He doesn’t really work on himself and is in fact leaching off her energy. Or she is hoping he will change one day and realise she is his ‘soulmate’ and leave the other women behind. Or go to anger management classes and control his behaviour. She is addicted to his ‘potential’ and not taking a clear look at where he is at now, what he has achieved in his life. And I don’t mean wealth, I mean self-responsibility and how he conducts his life now, not in the future.

For example, if she goes on a date and the guy starts complaining about his ex, some women think she will be the right one for him. She ignores the fact that he is caught up in blame and also in an unresolved past story. Will he really be any different with her? Rarely.

The masculine can also get trapped in the illusion of change and think that if he just gives enough and helps her enough, then she will love him more. A few months or years later, she has chewed him up, got her house painted or her new car, and dumps him for the next guy. The loving feminine appreciates the kind actions of a loving man, but she is not with him because of it. His ways may help her trust and open to him, but she is not using him for those things.

But still, he goes on giving all the wrong things, expecting her to change and deeply love and choose him. He can refuse to see the painful nature of how he is not being loved for himself now, hoping for it in the future. When she moves on the wise man learns his lesson or disappointment can lead to closure and even bitterness.

Do people change? Love is holding open the space for someone to change, but not depending on it, or being deluded as to where they are now. If you are in love with someone’s potential then think again, is that real? Are they making the necessary steps, even if small ones?

If you are in love with what she might give you one day, hoping that the goddess will shower you when you have given her more, and you find the bar getting higher and higher, then think again. You should be receiving her loving heart today.

If this resonates with you, reach out for help to navigate the changes you can make now.



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *