Feeling it All (In Relationships)

Cynthia ConnoprelationshipsLeave a Comment

couple close and feeling it all

It’s essential to understand that both positive and negative feelings are a natural part of life. When we open ourselves to love and become more aware, it means feeling everything, not just the positive and enjoyable emotions. Feeling it all may sound overwhelming but there are ways to make it a beautiful act.

It’s great when we do feel upbeat and happy but there are naturally times when we don’t feel on top of things. We may feel sad, angry, lost, lonely etc. This can be tough to handle in a culture that expects us to soldier on, push our feelings away, be happy. It is hard to really feel what we feel! The good news is that if we are willing to take time to stop and really check in with ourselves or with another, we can go deeper into a more core emotion. And once we do that, Bingo!

For example, if you are feeling lonely or isolated and you connect in more deeply with the feeling of that, you may find that there is sadness underneath. And if you let yourself feel it, it is different, you are different, more true to what is really going on. That emotion will be felt and things flow again.

And how to actually do that? Methods vary, and if you are flying solo here I suggest make some time in your day and just sit down, close your eyes, breathe deeply and let the feelings come. Some people, usually those of a more feminine essence, find it helps to talk to another person in order to feel deeper to what’s underneath any surface emotion.

In relationships, we often want our partners and loved ones to be happy. But this well-intentioned desire can create pressure for them to quickly resolve their pain and suffering, rather than giving them the space to simply “be” and experience all their emotions. Sometimes, it’s our own uncomfortable feelings that we’re trying to avoid.

In the interplay between masculine and feminine energies, two scenarios can unfold. Let’s consider a man and a woman as an example, although these dynamics are not necessarily gender related.

In the more painful scenario, the woman experiences strong emotions, and the man quickly tries to find a solution to end her unhappiness, believing her emotions are the cause. She then feels shame about her feelings, that she should not feel that way. He wishes she would follow his advice and his path to being happier. But she seems to prefer what he perceives as “drama.” His insistence on her changing intensifies her pain and confusion. She may be critical of his efforts. He then feels like a failure and withdraws, and she decides it is better to toughen up and bottle it all in. She goes into her masculine side and he feels distant.

A better approach is for the woman to acknowledge her feelings and allow them to be, trusting her feminine expression. The man can be there for her, allowing and even encouraging her to fully experience her emotions without trying to change or fix her, offering his beingness, his presence, and later sharing his wisdom. This enables her feelings to flow naturally, as is the way of life – nothing remains stuck, and solutions appear when necessary. The atmosphere becomes genuine, full of rich beauty and humanity.

This approach also allows the man to express his emotions as needed and to be vulnerable. He doesn’t have to be stoic or stuck, but it is good if he doesn’t collapse into his feelings, as this will not be helpful to him or her. The one who has the core feminine essence will in general be feeling more and more easily. But he may need a lot more time than she does to connect deeply with what is true for him. It is important not to rush him or keep asking questions before ehe has had time to answer from his depth. This type of vulnerable sharing enhances the intimacy and beauty of their connection, which flows into their sexual union as well.

As I understand it, happiness means being authentic and experiencing our emotions with compassion and appreciation, without resisting them, even when we’re not feeling happy. And extending the same compassion to our beloveds. It doesn’t mean hanging onto what we feel or creating an identity out of it.

This leads to the depth and love that defines our humanity. Instead of pursuing constant happiness, we can face our fears, delving deeper to find wisdom and soulfulness in embracing both the light and the dark. Then we are able to bring these gems to our relationships.

with love


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