I’m sitting in a New York taxi, speeding across town as the day turns into night, and I’m a little apprehensive. I’m not quite sure what I am in for. What a porn star taught me about living love was to be a deep life lesson.

It’s the early nineties and I am making a feature length documentary film called ‘Sacred Sex’. Myself, and the associate producer Michael, have been travelling around the world meeting pioneering tantra teachers.

We had arrived in New York earlier that day with an introduction to Annie Sprinkle, ex-porn star, performer and now a self-declared ‘post-porn modernist’. Before long we were having an eye-opening meeting in her apartment, decorated with her posters and photographs. Annie was delightful. Getting to know her, interviewing her, I was silently rapt that I had found such a wonderful film subject – very open, and weirdly herself, with a great story to tell of tantric sex in post–aids America.

As we were leaving, Annie casually mentioned she was holding a women’s only ‘Sluts and Goddesses’ workshop that night and would I like to come? Yes, I said, curious and with no idea what to expect.

I left the taxi and rode the lift up to Annie Sprinkle’s apartment. I was welcomed in by two women dressed in titillating, porn star outfits. Inside, the atmosphere was chaotic and fun. Women everywhere were in stages of undress, with music pulsing.

Annie was taking polaroid photos of several women dressed up as porn stars, posing against a studio backdrop and being snapped in various suggestive poses. She was a pro at getting even the shy women to become happy, outrageous ‘sluts’.  How this ‘research’ would fit into the film, I wasn’t sure, but it felt exciting.

Annie hugged me and led me to the ‘hair and make-up’ department, walking through racks of suggestive outfits and props, ranging from rubber dresses to bridal wear. She encouraged me to try out various costumes, and ‘slutty’ identities. From bridal porn, which turned out to be a short, white veil with a white satin teddy, white fish net stockings held up by a suspender belt, and of course no panties. Deliciously virginal from the waist up and very different from the waist down.

Then there was my dominatrix with a big black wig, whip, and red and black sexy outfit. She was hot! With loads of deep black eye make-up and an attitude to match. Lastly there was the way out there identity of a rubber-dressed sex goddess with a huge strap-on penis. Unreal and so much fun! With only women there, I felt safe to play and enjoy the energy for its own sake. Things were raging in this Slut part of the night – what would come next?

Casually, Annie segued us into a different energy. The music changed, the pulse slowed down and we were now ready to soften into the Goddess energy. I don’t remember doing much, just sitting in a loose circle, breathing, dancing softly, relaxing and being. It felt even more special for coming after the Slut energy. The realisation that we were indeed all these energies was an embodied one.

As you can see this evening is imprinted on my memory and I now couldn’t wait to film one of these workshops for the sacred sexuality film I was making. When I arrived back at the apartment where we were staying, and my fellow producer Michael was still awake. He took one look at me and was taken aback at the energy I now transmitted. ‘Wow!’ I felt liberated, amused, provoked, blissful and……sexy!

All my connections with Annie Sprinkle turned out to be fascinating. I had never met anyone quite like her. We brought Annie out to Australia later for the film launch and she proved to be one wild woman. Unashamedly herself.

I learnt from Annie to play with feminine energies for their own sake, for what they liberate. To break through taboos in a safe way that doesn’t lead to shame and fear. That women can be slutty and sacred, and they are not opposites, just different points on a spectrum of feminine energy.

What I learned then, and since, is how important it is for women and men to have a wide spectrum of their energies available. These can be evoked through costumes, or subtle energetic changes to invoke feminine or masculine power.  In the Living Love workshops, I invite you in many ways to safely liberate whichever energies you need to open or deepen. Whatever will give you the fullest expression in your life.

When we integrate previously disowned energies, we can have the repressed power in them available for our living and loving.

And, most of all we can have fun!

love

Cynthia