Push & Pull of Attraction

Cynthia ConnopAttraction, feminine, masculine, polarity, relationshipsLeave a Comment

Push & Pull of Attraction - Couple close up

Often the push & pull of attraction is seen and mirrored in the body, in our body language, our presence. We do things that attract people or push them away.

The dance of attraction between two people has many components but one that I often see is in the space between a couple. It can be as simple as he is leaning too far into her space and she finds herself pulling away.

If he can notice what he is doing and come back into himself more, grounding with his body and deepening his breath, being present, then she finds herself relieved of ‘pressure’ and can relax. In that relaxation she will start to lean towards him. He is no longer turning her off. This is a sign she is opening and ready for him to come towards her. She will then welcome him in, unless other big trust factors at at play.

Can he wait long enough for her to trust he is not going to lean in towards her too soon? One man told me about a date with a woman he liked, they were sitting side by side chatting, having a drink, and he didn’t move towards her at all for two hours until he felt her soften and slightly lean towards him. He was present and attentive and kept his breath even and relaxed, staying in his own space until then. Some men may have got impatient and moved in anyway thinking they needed to take the initiative, or withdrawn in disappointment thinking she wasn’t keen.

This applies in long term relationships too. Often in a couple he ends up chasing her and then being rejected, whether in an overt or subtle manner, and then after a while he just doesn’t know what to do anymore and gives up.

The good news is the masculine can learn how to be sensitive to this energy dynamic. Small changes can make a big difference. The same thing applies in love making, when he is waiting with presence until she draws him towards her with desire, then he can happily move in more. It’s not a passive waiting but rather being present to her subtle energetic shifts in response to his own.

There may be unconscious psychological factors at play also, and these will be felt as the space changes between the partners. If she never leans towards him no matter how present and spacious he is, then it may not be right.

It can go the other way too, where she is leaning into his space, pushing hard to make the connection work and losing her receptivity to him in the process. Perhaps she is afraid of rejection or abandonment so she tries so hard. I am not talking about healthy feminine wisdom and initiative here but an energetic pushing that doesn’t work. She becomes resentful and exhausted and he feels a lack of freedom with no room for him to come forward.

Bodily we may see her frowning, leaning over, pushing into his space with urgency and sometimes blame, while he switches off. We see this is dating and in relationships, where she tries too hard and even though he may be attracted to her, he is pushed away and he never has to step up, there is no challenge, he loses interest.

The good news is she can learn how to stop working so hard for love, connect to her breath and her heart, feel the fear underlying her pushing and receive him. If she does that and over time he doesn’t deepen and guide the relationship forward then she will know he is not right for her.  

And if he sees her trying too hard he can reassure her that he is there, show her by his actions that she can let-go of “rowing the a boat of the relationship” and trust him to pick up the oars too.

I have seen these adjustments change the attraction within a relationship from almost non-existent to sparking! And in dating people these changes can allow the energy to move forward.

These are just two examples of the push & pull of attraction and intimacy. Being aware of the subtle ways our bodies, our energy and breath can help trust and love to flourish is essential.



P.S. Whenever you’re ready, here are 2 ways I can help you:

1. Like to come to our Attraction Intimacy & Love Workshop? Find out more

2. If you want to work with me privately see more info on my sessions here

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