2 mistakes to avoid in relationships

Cynthia ConnoprelationshipsLeave a Comment

Woman kisses man on forehead. Blog Two mistakes in relationships

1. One of the 2 mistakes to avoid in relationships that can happen between masculine and feminine is confusing direction and surrender, for adult and child patterning.

The masculine has the gift of direction, leading, setting goals. The feminine has the gift of surrender, following, creativity.

When these two energies are interacting in polarity each person is respecting and enjoying the other’s gifts and energies. Both are adults with full autonomy who choose to play in this way because they like it, it works.

The quality of direction is not superior to the quality of surrender.  Flowing is so powerful, and creating the river banks is also potent.

We are not necessarily fixed in these energies either, sometimes we may swop masculine and feminine interplay. Most people though have an orientation they prefer, that is more natural to them.

A distortion of this dynamic is when the masculine becomes the parent and takes over the  decision making ability of the feminine, possibly even becoming dictatorial. While he may lead her flow in life, he doesn’t decide the big decisions for her as a father would a child.

If you are finding yourself in these roles it isn’t healthy long-term. Sure, we all need and want a little mothering and fathering occasionally. It can be very comfortable and familiar.  But if you have become fixed in that dynamic it becomes co-dependant bonding and it is time to adjust it. Without blame.

The masculine energy can use his direction to guide her to making her own decisions and be there as a trustable support. The feminine energy can risk being powerful and stand for what is true for her in her life.

And bring humour!

2. Another one of the two mistakes in relationships between masculine and feminine is confusing the feminine gift of nurturing for mothering.

The feminine essence has the gift of nourishment, care and bodily wisdom. These qualities are highly valued by those masculine beings who can receive nurturing from the feminine.

Like a weary warrior he bathes in her shakti essence. He becomes more refreshed and enlivened from her energy. It unburdens him and frees him to be in the world with purpose and enthusiasm.

And sometimes her mothering energy is needed too and gratefully received. When he is sick or depleted, he may enjoy a little mothering, feeling special and allowed to let-go of his responsibilities for a moment. The feminine wisdom about bodily health is also valuable to the masculine, if he is open to it.

If her mothering energy is too strong though, he can fall into being the child, losing his power and direction. Or he starts to feel smothered and rebels against her in a teenage fashion.

If he is too childlike in their life together this will evoke her mothering energy, as he is not present with his adult masculine she can default into looking after him.

Her mother energy is usually not sexy to him. It’s loving and intimate, but it’s not drawing him towards attraction. She starts to feel unattractive to him and tries to get him to need her by mothering him more.

This is a hole that some couples dig themselves into without realising it. With all good intentions she feels she is loving and helping him. He both wants it and rejects it. The sex slows down or dies, they are alienated and yet both love each other.

Relinquishing the mother role is freeing for the feminine and the masculine. Claiming back his adulthood will allow her to let- go of it too. Trusting him to grow up and love her more fully as a woman is the key here. And depending on individual patterns and fears, this can be difficult. But once the awareness comes in for both people, and the dynamic shifts, the changes are usually immediately very positive.

If you keep finding yourself caught up in either of these two mistakes in relationships reach out for support to change it.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *