Today I want to share with you my 3 Love Myths revealed. I am regularly coming across these myths in clients and I want to reveal the truth about these myths, because they inhibit and damage relationships.
MYTH #1 ”I have to love myself before anyone else will. Otherwise I will attract the wrong sort of partner or bad behaviour from a current partner.”
This concept has some truth to it, in that the more we love ourselves, and honour our values and our needs, the more confidence we have to call out what is not ok for us. However it really is a limiting myth, often used as a protection from being hurt. It makes us wait for love, and get engaged in ‘fixing’ oneself in order to have love. I find it is generally the feminine essence that tends to look inwards for what is ‘wrong’ with her.
Take a look around you at the people who are in growing, loving relationships. Do they love themselves more than most people? ‘No’ is generally the answer. They are growing in love because they are in a loving relationship, and working on the areas of unlove within their relationship. They didn’t believe they had to be perfect or fix themselves or love themselves more before they entered relationship. In fact, they often see relationship as a way to grow in self- love.
Single people often look at the inappropriate people they are attracting and say ‘I must not be ready, I don’t love myself enough. I’ll wait.’ Instead they could trust themselves, follow their attractions, and at each crucial step ask themselves “what do I need to do now to be more self loving?”
Truly loving oneself is a life-long process of varied experiences, of risking self-expression and gaining awareness. It’s a hard won authenticity and trust in ones own values, gifts and integrity.
“Living Love is love for yourself and others. Being able to love each part of you and give that love with no judgements.” Erik Klose, sales
MYTH #2 “Women don’t really want men to be vulnerable, they think it’s weak.”
In the Living Love workshops men often feel and express vulnerability, as women do. It’s part of being true to the range of feelings we all have when connecting to others. However, for many men there is fear that if they show this vulnerability they will be labelled as weak by women, and other men. Women also have this fear of vulnerability too, due to our overall culture of ‘soldiering on’, and becoming numb to feeling.
This Love Myth is not true. Women actually love men who can be vulnerable, as it shows he is strong enough to reveal it. He is present to himself and being authentic, two very attractive masculine qualities for the feminine. They respect him for it. And they intuit that a man who is suppressing these feelings will be rigid and unable to feel into them, or welcome their vulnerabilities or difficult emotions. They feel his incongruity, the false bravado, or the withdrawal.
At a workshop recently one of the men opened the sharing with disclosing a fear he had. The whole room just went deeper and the women loved and respected this man for it.
Vulnerability is not the same as collapse. This is what women struggle with, when a man collapses, and cannot hold his own vulnerability. Then the best way to support him is giving him the love, the space and the trust that he will work it out.
“Deep, real work. Living Love helped me become a better person. Realising my true nature – Love.” Vin Singh, finance
MYTH #3. “Men don’t like strong women, and are scared of women’s wildness and fierce love.”
This is not true. Many good men are attracted to strong, powerful and successful women.
If she is living her powerful, feminine self it is attractive and exciting to men. She presents a level of challenge that they welcome. They want a strong woman at their side. Her wildness is a mystery that excites him. Especially when she can be soft and vulnerable too.
In the Living Love workshops, women regularly express fear that if they show their powerful, fierce, or wild energies the men will run away, as this may have happened in the past. However when women risk revealing their authentic power, through he heart, for love, the men are always asking for more. Literally. They are riveted by the sight of a woman in her free expression and energy. They constantly say they would rather have a few minutes of fierce love if they need it, rather than drawn out nagging, talking, processing. It cuts through. When a woman trusts her own power, she will attract a man who values it.
However, if a woman is operating from a masculine layer of protection, and the energy is more masculine power, strong men won’t be so attracted. There won’t be the polarity of her femininity energy meeting his masculine energy.
Fierce love is love, it’s not criticism. It’s not controlling or trying to intimidate a man. It’s from the heart of woman, wide open. If you are dating, you may not want to spill it all out on a first date – build the connection and see how he responds to your power (and vulnerability).
And again, look around at relationships you admire, and see if the women are strong and sometimes fierce? And loving with it. Mostly that is the case.
Appreciating you with love and trust,