Do you feel like you and your partner, or date, speak a different language? Are there masculine and feminine ‘languages’?
Masculine and feminine essence do have different ‘languages’ and it makes a big difference to the quality of your relationship to know and understand them.
This is a subject close to my heart. I find this is an area that causes a lot of unnecessary suffering for couples and singles. The two modes of expression are very different. And so when couples, or people dating are talking together, some real misunderstandings and frustrations can emerge. And neither person feels heard or understood. They can even stop wanting to talk and then the intimacy decreases.
The different ‘languages’
He speaks masculine direction, linear solution-based thinking, less is more, go mode. What do you need to know to kill the tiger, build the house, fix the car, write the program, build awareness?
She speaks feminine non-linear feelings, emotions, connection, sharing, flow mode. What do you need to know to find the berries, nurture the children, beautify, create, care for others, grow love.
When talking together (there are other types of communication) the feminine can get impatient for the masculine to answer her questions, share his feelings, or speak what is on his mind. After all, this is what she would do.
The masculine essence needs time
However, the masculine essence needs time to find his deeper truth. He doesn’t want to express his surface reactions, he wants to respond, not just react. Sometimes she keeps asking and probing him before he has even replied to her first question or comment. She becomes anxious to make sure she has put it the right way. She rephrases and asks again. Or she gets tired of waiting, feels like she is “trying to get blood from a stone” and gives up or even demanding that he answer her. He thinks she doesn’t trust him.
Wait longer and she may have a revelation of his depth and wisdom. Waiting with openness and curiosity, not in a hurry… just feeling lovingly into him and he may even be able to express authentic feelings that he rarely shares with others.
She wants to express
On the other hand, when she wants to express her fears, worries, doubts, even just the daily stuff of life, he can get overwhelmed by his sense of responsibility to fix her ‘problems’ and find solutions to her issues. He jumps in and offers his solutions, answers, opinions, and ‘helpful’ insights. Sadly, this is not even what she needs, at least not initially. To her this will be painful and invalidating.
Sometimes he manages to keep quiet and listens as she talks. He has learnt from relationship gurus and articles that this is what women want. To be heard. One confused man told me that he listened to his partner every night after work. But was this meant to go on for two hours or more? he moaned. She was needing to download her day, where all he wanted was either to do nothing for a bit, or get on with his mission.
She is getting frustrated, and going on and on, because he is listening passively but not responding. This is not how she wants her partner to be with her. She wants him to be engaged, breathing fully, penetrating through her fears, worries, doubts, enjoying her stories. If the masculine doesn’t do that, the feminine can be on an endless loop, waiting for him to really show up. With his awareness, heart, humour and love.
Once she has expressed herself, felt her feelings, received his energy, then may be the time for a good solution, if you have one and she wants to hear it. He can ask her that. If she is not ready for that, leave it alone until another time. A solution where he takes a burden off her will feel very relieving to the feminine. Not a solution that involves her doing more.
More love and trust
When he holds a safe container for her feminine expression, she will flower and reveal her whole self. When she can give him the space and the trust to respond with the deepest part of him, he will give her his loyalty and love. This is polarity working well to create more love and trust.
What is your experience of this? Please comment below I’d love to hear from you.