Tantric love – Sexual healing

Cynthia ConnopHealing, Love tips, relationships, TantraLeave a Comment

What is sexier? What is most loving?

Sexual healing can be transformational whether you are sexually partnered or going solo. For some people their sexuality is a free flow of pleasure and intimacy. Unfortunately, for many there are roadblocks, both physical and psychological. These blocks can have a big impact on our intimate relationships. Tantric love – sexual healing, they go together.

Sexuality is a very powerful biological urge for survival of the species. Our natural sexual expression can become diminished through trauma, abuse, anxiety, negative beliefs about self and misconceptions about sex. For some people it is the most fraught area of their lives and they suffer deeply.  Sometimes people just close that door altogether.

“all roadblocks and difficulties are potential doorways”

On the path of Tantric Love – Sexual healing, all roadblocks and difficulties are potential doorways to deeper awareness, love and freedom. Diving into them, rather than avoiding them, makes us vulnerable, which links us to our heart and begins the healing towards pleasure and intimacy.

Sexual healing

Artwork by Ines Honfi

Healing is a form of repair and enables us to move forward to create more of what we want. Firstly, sexual healing requires being fully present to the actual circumstances of one’s sexuality. Not the idealised version we may wish for or pretend, but the nitty gritty of your reality both past and now. In my experience healing can be like layers of an onion, where different circumstances and life stages bring up new issues requiring compassion, action and presence.

Over the years I have been introduced to sexual healing practices, and also beyond healing to creative sexual expression. Below I will share with you a few of these, and the most important way to sexually heal that I have discovered.

“Sacred Spot healing”

The ‘SACRED SPOT’ healing for the feminine is a practice I came across in Maui many years ago. This method presupposes that past sexual and emotional traumas are stored in a woman’s genitals especially the g-spot, and can be released by lovingly massaging and stimulating that area. Releasing her sexual energy to flow more freely through her body. The partner who is serving her in this healing needs to be fully present and allowing, holding eye contact continuously. This ritual practice can be done by a male or female partner, or an experienced, trusted sexual healer.

Sacred spot healing can release a lot of emotional pain and open the body to more ecstasy. However, it is a practice that requires clear boundaries, strong presence and trust. Not recommended if you are in any kind of disconnection with your partner.  Also it could be re-traumatising if there has been significant sexual abuse. Don’t push or pressure yourself, just a little experimentation is fine. Be happy with small results. This may not be for you, or it may be very freeing. You decide if this feels right for you.

If you want to try this on your own it can be done by finding a safe and private space, then stimulating your g-spot and allowing a free flow of feelings and associations to move through your body. As above, don’t push or pressure yourself, just a little experimentation is fine.

“you can heal past trauma”

PRESSING LOVE into wounds and closures. If you are blessed with a partner who is able to be fully and lovingly present for you, you can heal past trauma by acknowledging it, sharing about it and being witnessed in love.

Sexual healing - Couple close up, eye gazing

Lying together intimately, speak about the wounding. Trust your own pace. If you shake and tremble, allow your body to move naturally while your partner holds a loving space. There is no rescuing or problem solving required.  In fact, being overly sympathetic will be detrimental. Rather be  present and let your partner express and move through the trauma in the new space of love.

This vulnerability can be erotic, so be prepared for the energy to shift in that direction…. or not.

If you are a feminine essence witnessing for a masculine essence it can affect your polarity . If this is the case, when it is complete, separate from each other and regain your natural polarity before meeting again sexually.

Pressing love also can be done alone by feeling and expressing what needs to be healed, with deep heartfelt compassion for yourself.

Seeing a trusted counsellor or coach can also help you bring love into past wounds, supporting your healing and moving forward.

“our sexuality changes as we go through stages of life

ACCEPTANCE of sexual anxieties and dysfunctions. There are many things that can and do go wrong for people with their bodily sexual functioning. And for all of us, our sexuality changes as we go through stages of life.  Hormones change or we may have chronic health issues. Childbirth and parenting can have a dramatic affect on libido and sexuality. The older male body can have problems with impotence and sustaining erections. An ageing female body can experience vaginal dryness and painful lovemaking.  It can be difficult to adjust. In the past our life spans rarely exceeded our fertility and so the modern dilemma of being sexually active with ageing bodies is a newish phenomenon.

Sexual healing - Painting of an woman looking in the mirrorThere are medical interventions and natural treatments that can help at these different stages of life and sexuality. It is good to research these possibilities, get trusted advice and do what works for you. However, many people experience shame and discomfort and avoid sharing about these issues with a partner, or even with a medical professional.

So first we need deep compassion and acceptance of our own bodies. The vulnerability that comes with these changes is a rich opportunity for sexual healing. As we honestly admit and accept where we are at, with all the loss of ego and identity that may involve, we come closer to that tender, revealed intimacy that we long for.

Naturally we then move forward to find solutions and other ways of enjoying sexual pleasure and connection. The whole body is an erogenous zone and polarity is the best aphrodisiac there is. Polarity is energetic and can be felt without even touching.

Some people change their sexual orientation and as well as the possible inner confusion, there is often angst at being accepted by others.

Acceptance and self-honesty give us the internal support and self-knowledge we need. This brings the confidence to share our fears with a partner. We are less dependent on their reaction and ready to explore new ways to open and feel.

“the most powerful sexual healing tool”

BEING PRESENT to whatever needs to be integrated is the most powerful sexual healing tool of them all. Each time we embrace and own something that is not ideal, is painful, stirs up past traumas, or is embarrassing, then our sexuality becomes richer and more Tantric. The concept of Tantric love – Sexual healing then has rich meaning for us.

Tantra involves embracing what is, with deep compassion and interest. The physical and the psychological. In this way we find the treasures that reveal themselves on the path of love and awareness. Radical self-honesty and compassion isn’t easy, and it can take an unknown length of time to move through the issues into the space beneath them. It may feel safer to just close down. And closing down is ok too, as then we embrace the closure.

And even when closed, we listen for the rustle of love on our skin and the whisper of passion in our ear. And we say yes.

“Solo healing practice for you”

SOLO HEALING PRACTICE for men and women:  If you would like to do this gentle practice – and feel safe to do so – gather some simple art materials or just writing materials, and find a completely private place and relax for a few moments.

Option 1: Place a hand on your genitals. Just take some time to connect to this part of your body. Take your breath there in a non-forced way, simply being present and compassionate towards yourself. Notice what arises. Memories, thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations. Accept whatever arises as completely valid. Then relax and stretch and return to the world around you. Using your art materials to express what has arisen-  draw, write, or both. Its not an art work, it’s a personal expression.

Option 2: If you have a history of sexual abuse that you haven’t worked through in therapy, I suggest you can sit in the same position as above, connect to your own heart,  and simply breathe love and compassion into your genitals for a few breaths. Accept whatever you feel as completely valid. Relax out of the position and stretch and return to the world around you. Repeat as feels right to you.

I trust my blog on Tantric love – Sexual healing has sparked inspiration for you.

With love and appreciation,


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