This will largely depend on your core orientation to masculine or feminine essence. For the masculine essence, which is mostly men, purpose is central to his motivation. For the feminine essence, which is mostly women, love is central to her motivation.
These days there is a lot of pressure to find your overarching life purpose. This will supposedly lead to greater clarity, focus and a more satisfying life. If this purpose is noble and serves others, even better.
However, many men and an increasing number of women are tortured by this idea and feel they are a failure because they don’t have a ‘life purpose’. Or they judge that their life purpose isn’t meaningful enough, or clear enough.
If you have a masculine essence you are most likely to have several different purposes throughout your life. Your purpose may be very different depending on your age and what stage of life you are at.
When we are in the process of building family, career and wealth, our purpose will most likely be very different from when we are young adults, looking for sexual partners and learning about life. Or when our family has grown up, career goals achieved or faded away, you may want to explore more adventurous or spiritual pursuits. So, your purpose will change and grow as you do.
Nothing seems clear anymore, he is in the unknown
When a man is in the space between a purpose coming to an end, and the new one not yet formed, this can be a very confusing time. Nothing seems clear anymore, he is in the unknown. Or he may have had a big purpose and failed to fulfil it. Patience and discipline is required to navigate this new territory and it can literally feel like life has no value or meaning.
Feminine partners can get very upset when their partner seems to morph from a man of action and purpose, to a man of indecision, doubt, inaction and even despair.
It can be challenging to know how to respond to him in this space. Do you help him find his new purpose, or demand he finds one, unhappily put up with it, or leave him until he does? None of those will support a man during a period of purposelessness.
When as a woman you have certainty in your heart
As a woman, you will need to discern whether he is genuinely navigating the abyss with devoted intention to work his way through it, until he remerges with a new purpose. Or whether he is getting lost and just spinning himself into circles and spiralling down into a waste land that doesn’t serve him. And to be aware where it’s your frustration with him that is biting you. Sometimes for him sitting on the couch doing nothing is necessary. When as a woman you have certainty in your heart, mind and body, act with authentic energetic responses (not giving him direction), and that will help him navigate these tricky waters.
Men, if you are lacking purpose don’t despair and grab for something, like a life raft. You most likely need to sink into the ocean and then rise with a new purpose. Sometimes your purpose may be revealed in a flash of insight, and sometimes it will take time, or even gradually dawn on you that you are already living your purpose.
Trying too hard to find your purpose can create a reaction
Traditional initiation rituals, such as a vision quest, were designed to help a man discover his purpose. People do various forms of these today, hoping for the clarity of a unifying vision, clear direction and knowing. Sometimes that knowing may come from the paradox of finding purpose by giving up purpose. Trying too hard to find your purpose can create a reaction that keeps it away. It’s the subtle art of intention, release and letting go. Trusted male friends will know how you are doing with this, as well as your partner if you have one. She will respond with devotion and patience if she sees you genuinely having the intention to discover your purpose. And with fury or ultimate withdrawal if you are aimlessly taking from her.
If you have a feminine essence, you may also long to have a clear life purpose. If it is a higher purpose it puts you in service to others, and that is meaningful for the feminine heart. It also makes sense of all the masculine energy you need to activate to achieve the purpose. A life purpose also gives an internal certainty and structure that can help the feminine relax and flow.
However, many women find that they can’t connect to a deep life purpose and are wondering ‘Is there is something wrong with me?’ This includes women who are mothers of small children. Our society generally doesn’t value raising children as a worthwhile purpose, a mother should be doing other things as well. I wonder what is more worthwhile than being the source of love, care and wisdom to new human beings?
A living, breathing force of nature
The feminine essence is a mystery, an opening, an embodiment of love. What if her life purpose is to be that? To remind others of the delight of life with her skin, her hair, her radiant smile, her tears, her heart, her sensuality. That she is in herself a purpose, not as something to achieve but as a living, breathing force of nature.
This knowing can always be combined with a more goal oriented life purpose, they are not exclusive. If you are confused as to what to do in the world, how to best give your gifts, follow what energetically attracts you. That will lead you to the place where you feel fulfilled and can give your gifts to others. You may need to train or study, and work hard, but it will feel right (most of the time). Even when it is difficult there will be this inner attraction that makes sense of it all.
Life purpose – do you really need it?
If you are primarily a masculine essence you will be happier with a clear life purpose, knowing this will most likely change during your life. If you don’t have one, it’s an opportunity to go deeper and find the next layer of your life’s commitment. Criticising yourself or comparison with other more focused men won’t help, rather quiet intention will.
If you are a young man, the pressure to know your purpose, and have a form for it, can be intense. Take the freedom to organically live your life, exploring and adventuring, and discovering your deepest purpose along the way. The urgency to find the career, specialise, get it right, and succeed is often blocking the ability to discover what is right for each person. Whatever you are doing, do it with care and excellence and the next step will happen. If you are distracting yourself a lot, it can be a great idea to cut down on these distractions and be open to honing down into your purpose.
If you are primarily a feminine essence you don’t need a purpose in the same way as the masculine. You will be happiest with your heart having a way to love fully and deeply, in service to others, with a wonderful freedom to express your energy and embodiment. It won’t necessarily follow a straight line, it will probably be curves and whirls and swirls. Enjoy!
Appreciating you with love and trust,
Want to go further?
THE LIVING LOVE FOR SINGLES & COUPLES WORKSHOP offers a safe place to explore Life Purpose, sexual essence, love and freedom, and much more more…. Over the two days, deep shifts happen, with trustable men and loving women. The sharing circles are vulnerable, fun and lively. It’s a revelation!
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‘It was good to reconnect with myself and others, to de-armour energetically and emotionally and confirm my purpose in a safe, loving setting, beautifully held by Cynthia.’David, public servant
‘Living Love has opened me wide open to a feeling of blissful embodiment, which has given me permission to unashamedly claim the purity of my sexual essence,’ Kate Callaghan, mother